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Lies and control -- my story

By free@last ~

I'll start my story with some history first...My mother and father were both raised very Catholic. My mother was very religious. My father left the Catholic church in his early twenties and was "born again". Shortly after that, my parents met and began their religious life together. My mother couldn't have children so they chose to adopt - Me.

Here is where I come into the picture...I grew up in an EXTREMELY religious home. From when I was a baby throughout my childhood religion was a part of everything. We went to a baptist church where my Sunday school ritual began. We read bible stories at home. I had religious toys and lots of bibles. I then attended a baptist school for 1st grade. Growing up in this, I didn't know any different way to be. I thought that people who didn't go to church or believed what we believed were bad people. Oh we even went to the PTL club for a family vacation one year. Does anyone remember Jim and Tammy Baker?

2nd grade we had to move across the country. There weren't any baptist schools nearby so they put me in a Catholic School. Anything, to keep the evil people away...So obviously Catholicism was much different from what I was raised in...We also went to the Catholic parents then decided that they didn't want to be catholic so we skipped from "non-denominational" church to another. One would not be "good"enough and then we would go to another. What made it good enough? Well, either they would not believe in all of the "right" things...Eventually they found one they liked...Sooo Catholic school during the week. "Christian" church on Sunday and Wednesday. Oh, don't forget the youth group and other youth activities!! Oh yes, I was saved! I always felt like a stranger though. Even went to a Christian summer youth camp...I felt like there was something more, like this couldn't be it.

I was raised in such a bubble...Which may or may not have been all due to the "christianity". When I was bad, my parents would pray over me to remove the demons...WTH?!?! I grew up thinking I was evil or such a bad person. I would be made to write bible verses over and over and over again in a notebook. I would also have to memorize bible verses. If I made my father mad, I would have to kneel in front of him and beg for forgiveness.

How do you completely remove yourself from all of the lies you were taught? I guess I'm still a little mad. Sex was bad. I was never taught about sex. That totally screwed up my teenage/early adult life. Was I being a bad person for wanting to have sex? That took a while to get past.

By the time I was about 13 I had enough. I completely rebelled and didn't want anything to do with church anymore.

My mother died last year. During her last days my father told me stories about when I was a child, how they were not as happy as I had thought. Sure, this can happen in any family. But I believed them when they taught me about God. When they said we were a happy family. Last year it FINALLY became true to me about Jesus and God. It was just a bunch of lies. It was something they were following and dragged me into it. I felt like I was there little puppet as a kid. Like an experiment. Oh we'll just adopt a child and make her just as clueless as we are.

I'm now 29. How do you completely remove yourself from all of the lies you were taught? I guess I'm still a little mad. My husband was not raised religious at all. He doesn't get it. He doesn't understand how religion was the basis of everything growing up. I know he know my father is super religious but he doesn't know about the extreme bible verse memorization. Not that he'll care, but it's embarrassing...not like I could have prevented it..I don't know. Just rambling now. I'm so glad I found this little community. thanks!


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