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Of Rice and Beans

By Erick Saikeo ~

Before I ever had the opportunity to even understand Christianity as a whole I was scared into believing in it. Fear can be a very powerful tool to manipulate a young mind I guess we can say in this case. In 1995 I was with my mother at a bible study group and we watched a hell movie which was very graphic full of demons and torment! To this very day i have yet to find a film that can bring back the feeling of complete terror like the film I had watched. Since that very night I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior understanding that hell was a real place and I knew I would do whatever it took to not go there. For a five-year-old mind having adults confirm that HELL exists is something that makes it so real you have nightmares about it for many years on end.

I was getting physically abused at that time for about two years, and I'm still wondering how that fits into God's divine plan.

I did poorly in school playing catchup with my classmates all the way through high school. It's kind of hard to focus when you think half your family is going to hell for being in the wrong faith or what God thinks of you. Every opportunity to get laid i turned it down thinking I was doing the right thing. I was very lonely and withdrawn trying to be a Christian and at the same time to still have a life. Life was full of fear and confusion. I was a delusional person that lived in denial that there might be something wrong with what I was taught at a young age. Half my family is Asian and the other half is Latino.

My father believes in Buddhism, and my mother's family is Christian. I felt like i was born to witness the Faith of Christianity to the Asian community so they could have eternal life... it wasn't until people started dying and life got more complicated my faith started to fade away....the only thing that keeps me believing in God and praying at night is the New World Order and the Global elites and their evil rituals... If there's no God why do these satanic Families and rites control the Globe..but it does make me wonder if Christianity is just another form of control....All I want is to find truth so that my mind can finally be at ease and's getting to the point where i don't smile anymore. I have a girlfriend a loving family but this really took a toll on me... if anyone on here has experienced a similar journey in Christianity please email me at mrsaikeo89 AT live DOT com