By Brandon ~
I was raised in a Christian home all my life, and was a Christian until the age of about 41. Nothing hardcore or fundamentalist, but attended church every Sunday morning at a minimum. Eight years ago my youngest sister passed away shorty after giving birth to her first child. Talk about a wake up call, watching my 19-year old sister die is what did it for me. After that I decided to go on a mission to find out what life is all about. So I bought the Bible on audio CD so I could listen to it on my way to and from work everyday. I listened to the bible maybe 3 to 4 times, and as I listened certain versus would just hit me and make me think and question.
Each day I would get to work and compile a few questions based upon what I had heard and learned that day. It didn't take too long and I ended up with so many questions and philosophical scenarios that I didn't know where to turn. As many people have done, I decided to talk with some pastors, but shortly into the discussions I would quickly realize that I knew the bible better than they did, so the level of respect drops quickly, especially when they do this for a living.
One pastor told me this was my spiritual awakening, and he was correct in a way. It wasn't a spiritual awakening but an awakening indeed. So next I moved onto reading apologetic books as well as the atheist side like Harris, Hitchens, Russell, etc... During all of this I was slowly moving towards dis-belief but of course the fear of hell, and the fear of being wrong can be very difficult to overcome. Being an engineer by profession, and also having all the traits that make a good engineer, really exaggerates the fear of being wrong. Along this struggle I also had a conversation with a fellow colleague one day and somehow the subject of religion and evolution came up. My colleague was agnostic, and at the time I was still on the Christian bus, but he said something to me that hit me like a brick in the face. He told me he was surprised in my beliefs since I was so strict in my profession to never take any one's word for anything without data and evidence. So there I was, finally realizing I used logic, reasoning, evidence and data in every other aspect of my life besides religion.
My next move was to read the Bible cover to cover. And like so many have said, once you take off your god glasses it becomes so apparent that there is no way to believe the bible is the word of god. Then, instead of listening to the bible every day to and from work, I listened to every god debate available on you tube, as well as the atheist experience, Aron Ra, Hitchens, Harris, etc... So over 8 years of pain and anguish, wondering if I'm wrong, searching for truth, I finally came to realize I'm and atheist and can no longer turn back.
Each day I would get to work and compile a few questions based upon what I had heard and learned that day. It didn't take too long and I ended up with so many questions and philosophical scenarios that I didn't know where to turn. As many people have done, I decided to talk with some pastors, but shortly into the discussions I would quickly realize that I knew the bible better than they did, so the level of respect drops quickly, especially when they do this for a living.
One pastor told me this was my spiritual awakening, and he was correct in a way. It wasn't a spiritual awakening but an awakening indeed. So next I moved onto reading apologetic books as well as the atheist side like Harris, Hitchens, Russell, etc... During all of this I was slowly moving towards dis-belief but of course the fear of hell, and the fear of being wrong can be very difficult to overcome. Being an engineer by profession, and also having all the traits that make a good engineer, really exaggerates the fear of being wrong. Along this struggle I also had a conversation with a fellow colleague one day and somehow the subject of religion and evolution came up. My colleague was agnostic, and at the time I was still on the Christian bus, but he said something to me that hit me like a brick in the face. He told me he was surprised in my beliefs since I was so strict in my profession to never take any one's word for anything without data and evidence. So there I was, finally realizing I used logic, reasoning, evidence and data in every other aspect of my life besides religion.
My next move was to read the Bible cover to cover. And like so many have said, once you take off your god glasses it becomes so apparent that there is no way to believe the bible is the word of god. Then, instead of listening to the bible every day to and from work, I listened to every god debate available on you tube, as well as the atheist experience, Aron Ra, Hitchens, Harris, etc... So over 8 years of pain and anguish, wondering if I'm wrong, searching for truth, I finally came to realize I'm and atheist and can no longer turn back.
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