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On a journey

By Mark Fitzgerald ~

It seems to me that life is a journey, one day we are basking in the sun and the next we are crashing against the rocks. I think it's fair to say that most of us like a life that is comfortable and easy, however the life we get is not always the one we asked or hoped for. Pain happens to us all and what we do with that pain shapes who we become.

My life started out with fairly humble beginnings, I come from a broken home which is typical of many families in this day and age. It never really bothered me; it was all I knew. I am a twin so from time to time I found myself comparing my life to my brother's and feeling like I came up short. He was always the outgoing one; carefree or so it appeared from the outside. As you grow older you realize that nobody gets a free pass, we all have our cross to bear.

We grew up very religious and went to church every Sunday. I can't think of a time in my life that I didn't believe in God; it was never an option or rather never considered. Believing in God gives you a sense of meaning and purpose and that feels good, you feel like you have been put on the earth for a reason. Through my teens my faith was very strong, so strong in fact that I went out of my way to create opportunities to share my faith with others, even complete strangers. When the worldview that you hold to says that there are only two options at death you find yourself pretty serious about letting people know how they can avoid Hell and Damnation.

So this way of seeing the world held up for a number of years and felt good, as I say having the certainty or at least perceived certainty that you are right and people who don't agree are wrong brings you a great sense of moral superiority.

It was the pain of a severe mental breakdown coupled with severe heartache that caused my whole world to fall apart. Everything that I knew was called into question, I suffered the complete loss of belief in the things that I was so sure about, it was just gone. It felt like I had to rebuild my whole life again and the rubble from the collapse was not going to suffice.

I began to have questions such as "Why Me?" "Where is God?"

This painful and horrific situation sent me on a journey where I had to be prepared to let it all go, it's been well said that pain has a way of making us more honest. I had to own the failure, I didn't have to like it but I had to acknowledge it. This is part of my story, part of my journey.

There may be people reading this who no doubt have their own painful story to tell, wherever you are at with it know that you are not alone and that whatever you have been through or may still be going through you can own it without it defining your life.


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