Skip to main content

An Atheist's Confession

By Ben Love ~ 

Want some hard honesty? Here you go…

Sometimes I miss my old religion. I do. There are moments when I recall what it was like to have that constant sense of someone larger than yourself, someone you could come to whenever you needed to, someone in whose presence you would always find comfort. There is an encompassing fortitude that spreads through your whole being when you feel you’re connecting to this person, a person that obviously loves you and accepts you no matter where you’re at or what mess you’ve gotten yourself into this time. No one who has experienced that kind of spiritual transcendence could possibly ever forget what it was like, nor could they fail to miss it if indeed they end up walking away from it. God, real or not, has a powerful pull on those souls who have encountered his charms, and this pull is not easily undone. After all, if you believe there is a God of the entire Universe who happens to know you, like you, live within you, and desire your company…I mean….what more could you want?

Well, how about a healthy dose of reality? How about a balanced sense of right from wrong? How about a morality that does not refuse to answer the hard questions about itself? How about solid answers that calm the storm rather than shaky beliefs which only add to it? How about a life not characterized by fear or guilt or worry or ambivalence or contradictions or impossible standards or hypocriticisms or abusive expectations or fake self-images portrayed for the sake of acceptance? How about the truth? How about an ordered mind? How about a knowledge of what is rather than a faith in what might or might not be? How about a life where you are your own anchor? How about a life where you don’t have to “come” to anyone for comfort because you can look within and readily find it every time? How about a constant, quiet peace that is not contingent upon how near or far you are to the alleged “source?” How about the freedom to be whatever you know you’re meant to be? How about life instead of death? How about facing the real world without retreating to a make-believe spiritual world?

Yes, whenever I miss my religion, I remember that even on my best day as a Christian, it was still worse than my worst day as an atheist.

I rarely look back, but when I do, yeah, I sometimes miss it. But then I remember that a waking reality is better than a sleeping dream. That’s when I merely smile and wave and feel so thankful that I am where I am and that I'm no longer where I was.