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It didn't work

By Penc ~

It's not easy realizing you have been living under a delusion. But I have to realize it because it's the truth.

It's not fair to tell your kid that if they don't agree with your religion you will burn forever in untold unimaginable torment and that you dare not expect any definite proof.

It's not fair to tell your kid you can always depend on some guy named Jesus even though there is as much proof for his existence as there is for Santa clause.

It's not fair to blame all your kids problems on imaginary devils that don't exist and even allow him to live in fear of such things.

It is not fair to put such terrible Old Testament stories like the flood on a kids conscience.

It's truly unfair on top of all this to require that kid to marry only within the faith that contains all of the above fear and superstition.

But I'm not that kid anymore. I've still got some religious feelings, but I now understand how stupid they are in light of the facts and it's a daily struggle to ignore those feelings and push them away.

It was scary at first. My first attempt to leave was met with an exorcism ... on my second attempt I panicked because I wasn't used to the idea of prayer not being real. I got sucked back into the delusion for a while, because of some friend I met at a church.

But certain things began to bother me again.

I still couldn't get over how wrongly I had been treated on my first attempt. The fear my family created was partly responsible for getting me really sick. I had largely moved on from that. But in recent times I've had to push away feelings created by a friend I met at church. I would never have met him if I hadn't panicked about the prayer thing but fate was going to be what it would be.

But as time went on I became uncomfortable with the feelings this friend had created. It just wasn't rational to believe in devils. It's not rational to believe in a personal God. And why doesn't God heal amputees or people with stage 4 cancer or people with serious deformities?

Why doesn't God rescue houses in the middle of an f5 tornado? Why does God allow hunger in Africa? Why doesn't God talk back to me or visit me or just give me a hug now and then? Why is it that the worse a problem is the less likely it is that God will step in and heal? The answer is simple but the faithful choose to ignore it out of wishful thinking.

The answer is that God is not personal. He created a simulation and let it run by itself ... that is the most reasonable explanation.

If Christianity did not have this delusion of a personal God and afterlife it wouldn't have so many followers. I hope better for the future of my journey. I hope I will be able to replace the delusion with something real. I hope that I won't have to scare any future kids I have with stories of hell, the flood and the existence of devils. I hope that those who see the light of reason will keep going, that they will choose their friends wisely and that they will stay focused and determined so that they will not have to scare their kids with hell and the devil and a murderous Old Testament God. I hope they won't I have to lie to their kids about an imaginary friend. I hope they will be able to tolerate all good people and not just Christians. I hope for a brighter future where superstition is greatly diminished.

It's been hard ... But I'm still going. You keep going. Help me fight superstition and fear.