The finger of G-d's destiny that led me to leave christianity
Why did I leave born again Christianity?
I spent all of my time (free and not free) for Christianity. I was strongly focused. I was praying in tongues so much in order to build my spirit as strong as possible, reading the bible so much too. I lost all of my friends, I actually disowned them myself and everybody what was on my way. I wasn’t too sad because of that though, because I saw a bright future. I knew I’ll achieve it, cause I was even ready to die for these dreams and for G-d. I saw many kinds of miracles, it was natural for me and I really liked it.
If 1 month ago, somebody would tell me that I would leave my faith, I would laugh strongly. I was so strong in my faith, I was sure I knew everything about this earth, about the spiritual things. Until one day, I saw this documentary on Syria war. I saw there Muslim doctors with fear in their eyes sacrificing their lives, while trying to heal people and help people fight Assad’s regime and saying that they're not afraid to die, because it’s good for them to die doing a good thing in the sight of G-d.
Everybody of them die.
I remembered Jesus words: ‘no one has greater love than this, than he, who lays down his life for his friends. ‘So I thought to myself, here are these people having the highest quality of love described by Jesus and according to my Christian faith, they’re all going to eternal hell, simply cause they’re worshiping the wrong G-d.
I realized I need to find out the truth about hell and I must go to the Jewish roots first. I saw that Jews never had this concept. But, what’s more important, I noticed a video called ‘how Christian missionaries twist the scriptures’ by rabbi Michael Schoback. I felt I must watch it. After watching It I was a bit shocked, because I was always told that Jews are blind, but now I see this guy talking very logically.
After that I’ve watched all of the Jewish vs. Christian debates. After watching one of the debates with rabbi Tovia Singer tears came out of my eyes and out of my heart. I was convicted. I stopped praying to Jesus. I started rereading all of the Tanakh, restudying main theological questions. I needed to be 100 percent sure about everything. And, yes, I’m more than sure this day. I also watched all of the material on jews for Judaism channel, I also watched lots of stuff from Jews for Jesus side.
To tell you the truth, this day my life has no purpose, and it’s quite dark, but I still have a small hope that G-d will give me a direction to go. Because I see my life only with Him. However, this day it feels like G-d is far away from me, and I don’t know how to find Him and this feeling more than sucks. I pray that G-d would either kill me, or that He would give me a new clear purpose.
G-d bless you, guys.