Discovering

By Mallory ~

I have spent a major portion of my life in the church. My stepfather is a pastor and ever since I was eight years old my family and i traveled around Australia preaching at several different churches.

I am now 26 years old and married to the love of my life. We met in church and fell in love and about five months into our relationship we had premarital sex. We both felt bad and decided to stop, but it kept happening.But nothing bad ever came from the sex. I didn't get pregnant, or a VD or anything like that. about  one year later he moved in with me and my friends. I was in a leadership position at my church and the church kicked up a big stink. Eventually I stepped down before I could get kicked out of my position.

About three months after I said yes to my love's proposal, he told me he didn't want to be a Christian anymore. People then told me I could not marry him as we were "unequally yoked." I loved my husband and of course I was still going to marry him. Then I started to spot things in the Christian faith that I didn't agree with such as anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage. I was also stopped recently by some street preachers and they made me feel embarrassed to be associated with people like that. And I don't understand If God loves us, like loves us like he says he does, why do children get raped and things like that.

So right now I am in the middle of deciding if I want to be a Christian anymore. I'm leaning toward Agnostic. Does anybody have any advice for me telling my Christian friends..thanks for letting me rant.