Filling the Void

SHARE:

By Whitney ~

Leaving the church, my faith and my belief in the Christianity that was once the essence of my every understanding, has brought many freedoms to my life. It has afforded me the space to see people for who they are; not the sins they commit. It has opened my mind to new ideas; allowed me to question the unquestionable. In these almost five years of non adherence to religion, I have been able to build an ever evolving worldview piece by piece.

So much of that process has been filled with child like wonder as I begin to see life and all the things that inhabit it from a new, sometimes formerly forbidden, vantage point. The compassion and gentleness and awe that has been cultivated in my heart through hours of discussion with others and sometimes a glass (or two) of whiskey has surpassed the fears I once had when I first started on this uncharted path.

I think I would be giving myself and my story a disservice if I said this new enlightenment hasn’t come at a cost... But I think I would be giving myself and my story a disservice if I said this new enlightenment hasn’t come at a cost; hasn’t forced me to sometimes fill a void of emptiness that was once occupied by what I thought to be a very real and loving god. This last year has been filled with pain and questions and agonizing decisions. My sister lost her baby. My hopes of being the forever mother to my foster daughter crashed and burned and I still wear the scars, as I’m sure she does as well. My son continues to struggle with paralyzing anxiety and now a world pandemic threatens everything and everyone we know.

And now comes Easter, a once sacred day to me that I used to plan with intention and sacredness, and I would be lying if I said that now when I indulge in the bunny and the eggs and a celebration of “new life,” it doesn’t seem a little cheapened and shallow.

Those dark days and moments, the heavy hearts and unanswerable questions have put me in uncomfortable spots not only with myself but with others. I don’t know why this happened. I don’t have hope of this loss not hurting one day. I don’t know why bad things happen.

As a Christian “the void” is the scary place that atheists and the lost live in. But here’s what I’ve learned: Having a void and sometimes even living in the void is okay. And it’s not in everything and it’s not forever. My own sisters (who I admire greatly) fill their voids by clinging to their faith in god when the pain in blinding and the questions are unanswerable and I love that about them. But that’s no longer an option for me so I fill my void differently and varying by the situation. It’s not easy and there’s no one or thing to validate if I’m doing it the right way. This is both beautiful and terrifying. It’s sacrilegious to all I’ve ever known or been taught, but the freedom of not having the answers, of truly living each moment to the fullest because this is all there is- that fills me with the wonder and awe and gratitude to fill the void. It’s not a one stop answer and it’s messy. Yet here I am, living this unpredictable and often struggled life day by day, just like I used to. I still laugh and cry and celebrate Easter. Just differently. And that’s okay, and I’m okay. Actually, I’m more than okay.

Happy Easter and Peace.

COMMENTS

Agnosticator,5,Al Wm Johnson,3,Alegria,3,Alen Basic,1,American Apostate,3,Andrew Jasko,3,Anne R Keye,6,AnonAgno94,4,Apetivist,2,Apostate Paul,3,Articles,696,Aspieguy,12,Astreja,9,atheistnurse,10,AtheistToothFairy,1,Avangelism Project,2,Ben Love,69,billybee,2,BlackFreethought,11,Bob Keye,3,Bob R,4,boomSlang,1,Bore Venal Charlatan,2,Brian Kellogg,8,Brisancian,3,Bruce Gerencser,1,Bruno Corey,1,C. T. Ogden,4,Carl S,364,Carol Putnam,2,Carolyn Hyppolite,10,Cecelia,4,Cheryl Ensom Dack,6,Chris Highland,1,Chris W.,1,Christian Agnostic,2,Christmas,29,ChuckyJesus,1,ConversationsWithA,1,Daniel out of the Lion's Den,15,Daniel Payne,1,Dano,17,darklady,7,Dave8,1,DealDoctor,24,Dethblight,6,dharma,4,Discordia,4,Doubting Thomas,2,Dr. Marlene Winell,23,Dr. Valerie Tarico,149,DRC,2,dswrites,2,Easter,28,EChamberlainMD,6,Ed (Teapot),2,Edward T. Babinski,1,Eric Jeffries,2,eveningmeadows,11,Evid3nc3,3,ex-Pastor Dan,19,exfundy,2,exPenty,8,Faithfool,2,Fernando Alcántar,6,freddieb42,2,freeatlast,6,Gary T. McDonald,2,God-O-Rama,6,Godlessgrrl,5,Greenworld,4,hellboundsoul,3,Houndies,3,illu minati,2,Incongruous Circumspection,11,J.W.,2,JadedAtheist,2,Jake Rhodes,3,James A. Haught,3,James C,2,James Wilhelm,9,Jazzybelle,3,Jennifer,3,Jody,3,John Draper,26,John Loftus,2,John Shores,26,Kalos,3,Karen Garst,31,Kim Anne Whittemore,1,Klym,24,Larry C,5,Larry Spencer,3,Letters,144,Libby Anne,3,Log1cd1ctat3s,2,Luke,1,lungfish,1,Michael Runyan,35,Michael Sherlock,5,Mriana,17,MtlRedAtheist,1,News,185,Nikki,1,NYdiva,2,ooglyman,2,Opinion,954,Patrice,2,Paul So,26,Philippe Orlando,3,Philonous,1,Politics,58,Positivist,5,psychman33,5,Rational Okie,2,Renoliz,10,Rev Ex-Evangelist,7,RickO,3,Robert Conner,8,Ronna Russell,12,Rudy,4,Russ Hamel,2,Science,30,SeageVT,3,Shaolin,4,Simplex Munditiis,3,Son of a preacher,5,Steve Dustcircle,4,Stillunsure,4,Summerbreeze,25,Susan G. Bonella,3,Tania,22,tekHedd,2,Testimonials,981,Thanksgiving,4,The STeWpId MoNkEy,4,TheThinkingAtheist,5,Thin-ice,4,ThinkTank,5,Tim Sledge,4,Tim Wolf,1,TinMan,1,True Anathema,4,TruthSurge,1,Ubi Dubium,4,undercover agnostic,25,unoder,7,Vadarama,2,Victor J Webster,2,Videos,96,Vyckie,10,Webmdave,7,WidePathGirl,2,WizenedSage,136,xrayman,2,xxkindofboredxx,2,Yak,8,
ltr
item
ExChristian.Net: Filling the Void
Filling the Void
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZzNj90Aog7A/XpMHMjrCw4I/AAAAAAAAOfY/PZkk0YFlqy0l1SAoCXCRoVXXNi_JdehrACLcBGAsYHQ/s640/whiskeyEaster.jpg
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZzNj90Aog7A/XpMHMjrCw4I/AAAAAAAAOfY/PZkk0YFlqy0l1SAoCXCRoVXXNi_JdehrACLcBGAsYHQ/s72-c/whiskeyEaster.jpg
ExChristian.Net
https://new.exchristian.net/2020/04/filling-void_12.html
https://new.exchristian.net/
https://new.exchristian.net/
https://new.exchristian.net/2020/04/filling-void_12.html
true
1266985040290242663
UTF-8
Loaded All Posts Not found any posts VIEW ALL Read more Reply Cancel reply Delete By Home PAGES POSTS View All RECOMMENDED FOR YOU LABEL ARCHIVE SEARCH ALL POSTS Not found any post match with your request Back Home Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat January February March April May June July August September October November December Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec just now 1 minute ago $$1$$ minutes ago 1 hour ago $$1$$ hours ago Yesterday $$1$$ days ago $$1$$ weeks ago more than 5 weeks ago Followers Follow THIS PREMIUM CONTENT IS LOCKED STEP 1: Share to a social network STEP 2: Click the link on your social network Copy All Code Select All Code All codes were copied to your clipboard Can not copy the codes / texts, please press [CTRL]+[C] (or CMD+C with Mac) to copy