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No longer a "Man of God"

By Rico ~

My journey started about seven years ago WHILE in active missionary ministry. Wow.

Now, turning 67 tomorrow, I am still in the throws of trying to leave my faith, but having a difficult time doing it. Like many pastors who no longer believe but who are stuck in between the cognitive dissonance of belief and "everybody" knowing they are the greatest "man of god" they know, I am having a difficult time figuring out what to do.

Furthermore, my good marriage has belief/faith as its central rock of support. I cannot and will not part from that.

So what in the heck to do.

I do like Zen Buddhism. Buddhism teaches you to not accept anything on faith, not even the deepest Buddhist teachings. I like meditating and it helps me relax and be calm in life. It's a good thing. But the Christian part is bothersome since I am asked to speak and preach regularly.

I am sure you have heard similar stories.

Inasmuch as I do believe there is a "god" since the argument from design makes sense to me, I don't really know who or what god is and, practically speaking, it makes no difference. When I worked in the slums of Kingston as a missionary, what mattered was the practical help I gave the people. Angels on pinheads do absolutely nothing to help the poor man with no food for his family of ten. I do feel evangelicalism has done a lot of damage to people.

Here I am at 67 having these existential questions of a faith I accepted in my twenties without looking into the various aspects that made absolutely no sense at all, like virgins having babies!!!