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Another Visit from the Virgin Mary

By Carl S ~

It's been some time since the Virgin Mary made an appearance. If you were raised Catholic, you know every August 15 is the Feast of the Assumption of Mary into Heaven. For those unaware of this: the feast is based on a belief that Mary was “assumed,” i.e., taken up alive into Heaven. (Different kinds of assumptions are held regarding the Virgin Mary. For example, it is assumed she told the truth when she explained how she became pregnant.) Unlike Jesus, who will return only once, according to that same Church, Mary has been returning periodically. There were her appearances at Lourdes, Guadeloupe, and Fatima, for example. She had messages to bring then. It shouldn't be a surprise then that she arrived in these troubled times of “fake news” and “alternative truths” to clear up some “misconceptions” (no pun intended.)

This morning, Mary came back to Earth. She floated down in a local pasture in Bremen, Maine, in the U.S.A. The observing farmer phoned our nearest newspaper office. (Being an ex-Catholic, he didn’t stay around). A reporter was rushed to the scene. What follows is his exclusive first-person account.

Mary: “Guess you wonder why I'm here. Just a while ago, I was watching your planet's film, “The Day the Earth Stood Still,” and thinking “What a good idea.” So I've come with a message. But first, is there anything your planet wants to know?”

Reporter: “There is a question on everybody's mind that has never been answered with satisfaction. “What is the nature of God?”

Mary: “First of all, you may not like it, but, She’s black.

Reporter: “When you say “She,” how do you explain how She got you pregnant, then? And if you're the Mother of God, how does that make sense?”

Mary: “All things are possible with God; therefore it follows, I am also Her mother.”

Reporter: “There's something else many Christians would like to know. Are the 9/11 Islamic martyrs with you in Heaven, or are they in their Paradise?”

Mary: “I don't know how even God could judge them. First you need to understand something. They were initiated into the mysteries, with magic mushrooms and LSD administered by their imams. With those imparted mystical powers over their minds, they personally experienced the spirit world and Paradise. Therefore, they joyfully surrendered their lives. She only knows where they are!”

Reporter: “Will Jesus return in our lifetimes?”

Mary: “Not if I can help it. He has a lot to learn. He's still aggravating us, even in Heaven, with his typical holier-than-thou judgmental attitude.”

Reporter: “What if science were to find evidence for the existence of a Creator of the Universe and everything in it? Tell us what would be the outcome.”

Mary: “If science found irrefutable evidence, it would create a catastrophe for every single religion. Their first response would be to deny the evidence. Absolutely. Think about it”

Reporter: “I don't understand. It stands to reason religions would welcome with open arms proof of their claim for a Supreme Being.”

Mary: “Allow me to explain. Picture the consequences. Ask yourself what the reaction of religions is to our present acquired knowledge. Many still refuse the reality of evolution. Then add evidence of a God Who from Her womb, gave birth to the entire Universe. Religions wouldn't accept Her. She doesn't fit the God images religions created. Despite this, I bring Her messages to your world.”

Reporter: My lady, what are these messages?

Mary: “God is really disappointed with your religions. She has created this overwhelmingly vast and strange Universe of two trillion galaxies, which you may enjoy with ever-new discoveries, in rapturous wonder, (thank you Lady God). Do you appreciate Her? No. You have substituted in Her place, a small male God to worship. This is a God who has nothing better to do than care about your petty wishful-thinking thoughts and prayers, and damns women for taking charge of their lives, their own bodies. This tyrant petty God supports religious prejudice, is insulted by “blasphemy,” and wants wedding cakes denied to gay couples! This is the trivia-obsessed God you praise with “How Great Thou Art?”

“The Creator of Two Trillion Galaxies is blasphemed every time 'God' is referred to or invoked.”

“Think about your preference for “him” over Her, on your planet. As the Creator, She is carefree about the fate of your world; it represents just one speck of Her creation. Too many on Earth are rejecting the wisdom accumulated over centuries regarding honesty, virtue, and ethics, in blind service to a mean and narrow-minded God, created on this planet. Your world is endangered by those who worship the domination they expect to attain using this small male god. Look around you. This life and world are all you have.”

Reporter: “How true. I shall pass Her messages on. One last question. Will you return?”

Mary: “I may be back again, or never. After one's lived for thousands of years, 'nevermore” begins to sound satisfying. But then, I do have so many planets to visit!”

And, just as Mary left the very first time, she floated up into the clouds.

Our reporter went back to his car. (Fortunately, he had an audio recording of the encounter.) While he sat pondering everything that had happened, wrapping up his notes, the radio station was playing composer Carl Orff''s opus, “Catulli Carmina.“ The chorus was repeating a refrain: “O res ri-di-cula. O res ri-di-cula. O res ri-di-cula.” He wondered: “Are those words the Final Message, meant to sum up the meaning of all the messages from the domains of God, gods and Mary?

He came back with the Good News. The revelations report was soon dispatched to major media outlets. All of them issued rejection notices, except for The National Enquirer, Bill Maher at HBO, and The Onion. Still, things look promising. In the meantime, be assured - you read it here first.