By WP ~
I have been a Christian my whole life but the past two years have completely broken the mind fuck spell I was placed under.
Growing up my mom would take me to baptist church in Louisiana. I always hated that because I remember being a 5 year old kid and being screamed at that I was going to suffer for eternity because I was trying to nap during service.
Fast forward to high school and a different state and a different church and my story takes a turn. We started going to a church in Las Vegas and it was all the rage. They had the best worship, the best lighting and the best indoctrination program I have ever witnessed. I bought the “truth” hook line and sinker and I fervently dedicated my teenage life to being the best Christian I could be. I was on the worship team and I went to every camp imaginable.
My junior year of high school I found out that I suffered from severe depression with some especially bad bouts of suicidal thoughts. At one point I actually tried to jump off of a parking garage but was tackled by security. Once word of this reached my youth pastor he instilled in me a sense of purpose that “Jesus saved you to carry out his will.” I ate that shit up and i wasted quite a few years pursuing full time ministry.
Out of high school I worked at several different churches in a worship leader capacity but I was unable to support myself financially doing that. Churches have a way of convincing you that wanting a paycheck is wrong. Ultimately I ended up back at the big church that “cured my depression.” I got a full time position as a facilities technician and life seemed great except for the fact that the past two years working this job I have lost all belief in god. The constant gossip and mind fuckery has obliterated any and all belief in a god.
In that moment it became clear that this place was manipulating people for money. My depression resurfaced and I’ve been seeing a real counselor that has really opened my eyes to the fact that I have a mental condition that no one can fix and god can’t magically take away. I have real problems, real bills and the magic man in the sky isn’t going to fix or pay for them. The day my eyes were opened to the farce I was sitting in a meeting and the head of financing care up to me and asked why I wasn’t tithing more than 10% of my paycheck.
In that moment it became clear that this place was manipulating people for money.
It suddenly made sense why my pastor had 4 cars and a mansion and why there were some members of the church that were literally starving and homeless. I’ve expressed my evolving views to my wife and she cried for a long time. It was really heartbreaking. She kept asking me how I was going to raise our daughter if I don’t believe in god. I explained that my morals haven’t gone out the window I just don’t believe that a fairy tale magic man exists and that I will control my own actions for my own life and I will raise our daughter to be an active thinker and not fall into this cesspool of simple minds that need a deity to organize their world.
I’m going to teach her that just because the rest of her family is part of a cult and has drunk all of the koolaid it doesn’t mean that she has to do the same.
Cult escapee,
WD
Growing up my mom would take me to baptist church in Louisiana. I always hated that because I remember being a 5 year old kid and being screamed at that I was going to suffer for eternity because I was trying to nap during service.
Fast forward to high school and a different state and a different church and my story takes a turn. We started going to a church in Las Vegas and it was all the rage. They had the best worship, the best lighting and the best indoctrination program I have ever witnessed. I bought the “truth” hook line and sinker and I fervently dedicated my teenage life to being the best Christian I could be. I was on the worship team and I went to every camp imaginable.
My junior year of high school I found out that I suffered from severe depression with some especially bad bouts of suicidal thoughts. At one point I actually tried to jump off of a parking garage but was tackled by security. Once word of this reached my youth pastor he instilled in me a sense of purpose that “Jesus saved you to carry out his will.” I ate that shit up and i wasted quite a few years pursuing full time ministry.
Out of high school I worked at several different churches in a worship leader capacity but I was unable to support myself financially doing that. Churches have a way of convincing you that wanting a paycheck is wrong. Ultimately I ended up back at the big church that “cured my depression.” I got a full time position as a facilities technician and life seemed great except for the fact that the past two years working this job I have lost all belief in god. The constant gossip and mind fuckery has obliterated any and all belief in a god.
In that moment it became clear that this place was manipulating people for money. My depression resurfaced and I’ve been seeing a real counselor that has really opened my eyes to the fact that I have a mental condition that no one can fix and god can’t magically take away. I have real problems, real bills and the magic man in the sky isn’t going to fix or pay for them. The day my eyes were opened to the farce I was sitting in a meeting and the head of financing care up to me and asked why I wasn’t tithing more than 10% of my paycheck.
In that moment it became clear that this place was manipulating people for money.
It suddenly made sense why my pastor had 4 cars and a mansion and why there were some members of the church that were literally starving and homeless. I’ve expressed my evolving views to my wife and she cried for a long time. It was really heartbreaking. She kept asking me how I was going to raise our daughter if I don’t believe in god. I explained that my morals haven’t gone out the window I just don’t believe that a fairy tale magic man exists and that I will control my own actions for my own life and I will raise our daughter to be an active thinker and not fall into this cesspool of simple minds that need a deity to organize their world.
I’m going to teach her that just because the rest of her family is part of a cult and has drunk all of the koolaid it doesn’t mean that she has to do the same.
Cult escapee,
WD
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