Dear Jesus and God...

By stormcloud ~

"Dear Jesus and God,

I love you so much, thank you so much for every little thing you've done for me and everything you continue to do for me. I pray everyone has a peaceful, easy-going night's sleep and a peaceful, easy-going awakening and existence. I thank you so much for everything in existence, please be with everyone who needs you. Please wipe all of my sins away and help me to be a better person from here on out. Please help me to be everything you've created me to be. And please bless everyone who has blessed me and all others a zillion times over. I pray someday things will be the way they're supposed to be.

In Jesus name, I pray,

Amen."

Now that I actually took the time to write out what I used to pray every night before bed, I notice the excessive amounts of "please this and please that" throughout this prayer. And I find myself being rather pathetic calling out to some unknown "holy spirit" every night so I could rest easier. Knowing that nothing was as it should've been. Knowing that it may never be. I still clung onto this mustard seed of faith waiting on my mountain. But eventually I had to bury that seed in the ground and I never would've guessed realization would begin to strengthen it's roots, cracking open the seed of "faith" and breaking free from it's unreasonable claims, slowly sprouting into understanding and continuing to bloom as I type these words now. All those nights I spent, tucked in my bed, fighting off anxiety with useless prayers that only worked because I believed they would. Now when I lay under the comfort of those sheets, unable to sleep and feeling as if I can't make peace like I used to, I come to the realization that these prayers are unnecessary.

I used to use them as a crutch, saying to myself, "I know God is real, because he answers my prayers when I'm scared. He takes away my fear and keeps the nightmares away. These prayers must be the way." When merely it was my mindset that was the way. I wish I would've known that then instead of wasting all that time praying for outcomes that were usually up to chance. Now I finally understand that it's possible to fall asleep peacefully without praying to something I barely believed in. I no longer have to question why the world is full of such negativity and turmoil if it's created by the "all perfect good".

I now know that this world isn't corrupt, it's simply following the laws of nature and I only saw it as such because that's what my religion had taught me. Christianity's story was a sorry attempt at trying to show humans the difference between right and wrong without yet figuring it out themselves. And we still don't know the entirety of it. In it's purest essence, it's simply instinct and nature. What comes in and labels these actions, thoughts, emotions as good or bad are our own perspectives and opinions. One person might think it's right to go out and steal some strangers purse in hopes of obtaining money to provide for their family while the stranger and bystanders would consider it wrong. Just because the majority finds something wrong doesn't make it wrong or make it right. There truly is no right or wrong when it comes to morals. There just is. And we choose to mold and shape what is to however we see fit according to our standards. But holding other people to those same standards is what brings about the topic of control which I choose not to get into cause I've been rambling enough as is.

This is my first time posting anything like this anywhere, I'm not the best at staying on track, but my main thought I wanted to bring across to those of you going through the same things is; Prayer is not the only way to peace. I fall asleep just as easily without it, I'm able to work through conflicts just fine without it, I'm able to channel my negative emotions and thoughts into positive ones without it. Because it was never necessary in the first place. The only necessity is my will to fight for what I want. If my will is strong enough, I can make anything happen. And so can you. We all can. We just have to believe in ourselves instead of putting all our trust into something we can't see or hear. Let's put it into what we know.

So with that being said, this is what I now say before I go to bed every night.

"I'm thankful we exist."

Zzzzz

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