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A testimonial or just a statement of fact(s)...

By NoRedemtionHere ~

T'm 61, not too well educated (accumulative education of an 8th grader, maybe), been to prison on multiple occasions, struggled with drug addiction most of my adult life, deal with mental health issues (PTSD, Bi-polar and General Anti-Social Disorder) and have generally been an abysmal failure at "normal" life. During most of the time dealing with all of this I have sought out this "loving Father and Son" both for healing and redemption and have found or received neither. What I have found is a community of people, Christians, that for the most part lack the qualities ascribed to them by the Bible, i.e. forgiving, inclusive and loving. My latest experience with a ministry where I attended a 12 step program straddled me with guilt over my "attitude" about their assertion that God only helps those who help themselves, something I questioned the Biblical accuracy of.

I state all of the above to state this; what I have found by direct tangible experience is that if there is a God his biggest stumbling blocks to the relationship he wants with us is the church and a book, the Bible, that are both nonsensical, convoluted and in conflict with themselves. A loving Father who is separated by whatever reason from his children is, in my opinion, one that provides a clear and direct path without obstacle(s) back to him. A loving Father would not allow a body of people, the church, to have the exclusive right to interpret his book, the Bible, or allow either of them to be so confusing and conflicted as to be the primary reason(s) for those searching for him to either fall away or reject him from the start.

Fear has been the predominate force in my life and the church and Bible have not provided any relief from that force; in fact they have added to my fears and magnified them to the point of being sure that there is not one redemptive quality that I possess that endears me to either. According to both I am predestined for hell. Sadly, I don't care. Even sadder yet is the fact that not caring has relieved my fears where a loving Father, his church and book could not....