Skip to main content

Last Prayer

By Nathan ~

Heavenly father as I come into your presence in the name of Jesus I ask that you forgive me of my sins. I have always struggled with the burden of perfectionism. I am tired of being weak and yearn to be Christ like and I wish to experience the peace and joy that you promised but it never comes. No matter how hard I try to be good enough I can't stop sinning.

Pride and lust have been to me the most difficult sins to battle and I have prayed for strength in these areas and laid them at the foot of the cross for you to bear lord but I never experience deliverance and I am tired of the struggle and pretty much look forward to death as I know than these sins won't have dominion over me any longer and I yearn for your return as these are too powerful for me to overcome.

My self hatred due to my continual sin has been steadily growing since a child and my self esteem has been devastated. I feel lower than low, I feel others are so much better than me, they seem happier and able to cope with life easier and I wish I could be like them. Everyday I walk with my head hung low and I don't feel like a man at all, more like a frightened little boy afraid of the world and everyone in it. I feel everyone can see my shame and guilt and it is being broadcasted to all everywhere I go. I have asked that you forgive me of my sins but I never feel forgiven and I guess that is spiritual pride that I can't except it, please forgive me for that too lord.

Being around others has been intolerable for the past 5 years. I am getting more and more lonely and isolated and have turned to drink for solace. I have no friends here in this city. In some ways I wish I never went on disability but when I had those hallucinations and paranoia back than I think I needed the break as the stress of trying to be perfect I think brought most of it on. It hasn't been much of a life though and as a man it's been difficult to take charity but that is pride. I thank you lord that you have provided for me though but I can't stop thinking that If a man doesn't work he shouldn't eat...when will the guilt ever end.

Now that I don't believe in you anymore I don't know how to pick up the pieces. When I moved to this city to escape my past, my problems just followed me. I remain an outcast in the community filled with fear and guilt and regret. I am always watching others reactions to me and looking to be rejected so In defense I reject them first. Will they hear about me? my promiscuous past? will they judge me as harshly as I judge myself? Even with the threat of hell no longer looming I have created a new hell for myself to take it's place. Maybe in time the healing will come as I practice rational and critical thinking more and more, I don't know but I always have hope.

I thank you heavenly father for not hearing my prayer and ask these thing in your not existent son's name Jesus amen.


Popular posts from this blog

Are You an Atheist Success Story?

By Avangelism Project ~ F acts don’t spread. Stories do. It’s how (good) marketing works, it’s how elections (unfortunately) are won and lost, and it’s how (all) religion spreads. Proselytization isn’t accomplished with better arguments. It’s accomplished with better stories and it’s time we atheists catch up. It’s not like atheists don’t love a good story. Head over to the atheist reddit and take a look if you don’t believe me. We’re all over stories painting religion in a bad light. Nothing wrong with that, but we ignore the value of a story or a testimonial when we’re dealing with Christians. We can’t be so proud to argue the semantics of whether atheism is a belief or deconversion is actually proselytization. When we become more interested in defining our terms than in affecting people, we’ve relegated ourselves to irrelevance preferring to be smug in our minority, but semantically correct, nonbelief. Results Determine Reality The thing is when we opt to bury our

So Just How Dumb Were Jesus’ Disciples? The Resurrection, Part VII.

By Robert Conner ~ T he first mention of Jesus’ resurrection comes from a letter written by Paul of Tarsus. Paul appears to have had no interest whatsoever in the “historical” Jesus: “even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, we know him so no longer.” ( 2 Corinthians 5:16 ) Paul’s surviving letters never once mention any of Jesus’ many exorcisms and healings, the raising of Lazarus, or Jesus’ virgin birth, and barely allude to Jesus’ teaching. For Paul, Jesus only gets interesting after he’s dead, but even here Paul’s attention to detail is sketchy at best. For instance, Paul says Jesus “was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures” ( 1 Corinthians 15:4 ), but there are no scriptures that foretell the Jewish Messiah would at long last appear only to die at the hands of Gentiles, much less that the Messiah would then be raised from the dead after three days. After his miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus—an event Paul never mentions in his lette

Christian TV presenter reads out Star Wars plot as story of salvation

An email prankster tricked the host of a Christian TV show into reading out the plots of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Star Wars in the belief they were stories of personal salvation. The unsuspecting host read out most of the opening rap to The Fresh Prince, a 1990s US sitcom starring Will Smith , apparently unaware that it was not a genuine testimony of faith. The prankster had slightly adapted the lyrics but the references to a misspent youth playing basketball in West Philadelphia would have been instantly familiar to most viewers. The lines read out by the DJ included: "One day a couple of guys who were up to no good starting making trouble in my living area. I ended up getting into a fight, which terrified my mother." The presenter on Genesis TV , a British Christian channel, eventually realised that he was being pranked and cut the story short – only to move on to another spoof email based on the plot of the Star Wars films. It began: &quo


By David Andrew Dugle ~   S ettle down now children, here's the story from the Book of David called The Parable of the Bent Cross. In the land Southeast of Eden –  Eden, Minnesota that is – between two rivers called the Big Miami and the Little Miami, in the name of Saint Gertrude there was once built a church. Here next to it was also built a fine parochial school. The congregation thrived and after a multitude of years, a new, bigger church was erected, well made with clean straight lines and a high steeple topped with a tall, thin cross of gold. The faithful felt proud, but now very low was their money. Their Sunday offerings and school fees did not suffice. Anon, they decided to raise money in an unclean way. One fine summer day the faithful erected tents in the chariot lot between the two buildings. In the tents they set up all manner of games – ring toss, bingo, little mechanical racing horses and roulette wheels – then all who lived in the land between the two rivers we

Morality is not a Good Argument for Christianity

By austinrohm ~ I wrote this article as I was deconverting in my own head: I never talked with anyone about it, but it was a letter I wrote as if I was writing to all the Christians in my life who constantly brought up how morality was the best argument for Christianity. No Christian has read this so far, but it is written from the point of view of a frustrated closeted atheist whose only outlet was organizing his thoughts on the keyboard. A common phrase used with non-Christians is: “Well without God, there isn’t a foundation of morality. If God is not real, then you could go around killing and raping.” There are a few things which must be addressed. 1. Show me objective morality. Define it and show me an example. Different Christians have different moral standards depending on how they interpret the Bible. Often times, they will just find what they believe, then go back into scripture and find a way to validate it. Conversely, many feel a particular action is not

Why I left the Canadian Reformed Church

By Chuck Eelhart ~ I was born into a believing family. The denomination is called Canadian Reformed Church . It is a Dutch Calvinistic Christian Church. My parents were Dutch immigrants to Canada in 1951. They had come from two slightly differing factions of the same Reformed faith in the Netherlands . Arriving unmarried in Canada they joined the slightly more conservative of the factions. It was a small group at first. Being far from Holland and strangers in a new country these young families found a strong bonding point in their church. Deutsch: Heidelberger Katechismus, Druck 1563 (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) I was born in 1955 the third of eventually 9 children. We lived in a small southern Ontario farming community of Fergus. Being young conservative and industrious the community of immigrants prospered. While they did mix and work in the community almost all of the social bonding was within the church group. Being of the first generation born here we had a foot in two