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I Believed What?

By Debbie ~

How many times have I started this testimonial? Countless. I'm not sure why, but, yeah, I do know. I tend to have a wordy mouth – on paper. I was so impressed with my whole experience with God, and the Christian faith, and what it meant to me that I wrote a book about it, was offered a contract with Tate Publishing, and then I learned the Truth. After that I put everything on hold. I couldn't earn money from a book about a faith I was no longer passionate about, right?

But first, I am amazed how entangled I was in Christianity, the beliefs, the dogma, the rules, etc. I did not grow up in the faith. I was a teenager and was sent to a Baptist School in Savannah, Georgia. There, I befriended a minister's daughter and the rest is history. What I find amazing is how I analyzed my whole life, the whole world even, using the Bible as a guidebook. The most hurtful thing about Christianity is how it makes you admit and believe that you are the scum of the earth, the worst possible being on this earth who is in need of saving from a fiery eternity. That's where the brainwashing begins. So I wrote about all of my bad deeds and how awful I was, but also all the bad deeds that were done to me. Reliving all the bad situations was heartbreaking, but I had to include it all to prove how just God is in wiping the slate clean, as long as I live by all the rules.

The turning point came when I was trying to make sense of all the inconsistencies, especially as relates to the "End Times." I spent months trying to come up with a timeline that incorporated all the events that were to happen. No one has been able to do that. Once I realized there was no viable way to make sense of all the happenings in Revelations, I began to doubt other Biblical concepts. I read and researched every opinion for and against any given subject, every historical document I could find, and 
I was amazed at how little in the Bible can be proven to have existed. No proof the New Testament is true and accurate. No proof of Jesus ever existing. And the proof that the mystical concepts are true? Doesn't exist. I look at it this way: With the laws of science that rule our world, would you expect someone to rise from the dead, walk on water, etc.? No? Well the same world and laws existed 2000 years ago. It didn't happen. By the way, do you want to know the most damaging verse in the Bible to Truth? It is in Hebrews and I can't quote exactly but it goes something like this: Faith is the evidence of things not seen. What that means is if you believe in something that is the proof of its existence. Belief is proof. Unbelievable. I wonder what scribe in the back room came up with that one? The jackpot for sure.

When I first came to the realization that all I had believed in was false, I cried. When I first came to the realization that all I had believed in was false, I cried. I mourned a Jesus who never existed. And then I was angry at being lied to and manipulated. I wanted to tell others so they, too, could be liberated from the chains of Christianity. But then I realized what it took for me to change my mind. Any little nugget of information against my faith was quickly erased from my mind. It started within me with one doubt. And the ability to make decisions not based on how I felt. Emotions should never 
be a part of intellectual decision making. So fighting against the religions of the world will only serve to alienate people further from non-Christians. Make the Truth available and accessible to all. The next part, the researching, the letting go, comes from within.

What actually blurs the lines of reality and the belief systems of all the religions of the world is the existence of a spirit world. I think there are some spirits that have the ability to take on a certain persona when it fulfills a need in the spirit's existence. So when the spirit sees an opportunity to act as a god or an angel, they do. Then there are spirits who just have a need to interact with humans and the humans put the labels of angels, saints onto the spirit. And of course there are spirits who love to fulfill the roles of demons and devils because that is the nature of their existence. Good and bad in all things people.

Only my two daughters know of my new world view. I am not close to much of my family, but if they knew I had turned my back on Christianity they would turn their backs on me. And I am somewhat afraid to be forthcoming because Christians are dangerous. They talk a good live and let live game, but if you are going to hell they would just as soon send you there ahead of time. That's why there are abortion clinic bombings. Most Christians condemn the bombings, but behind the scenes they cheer the bombers for saving the unborn "babies." But I can't help but feel obligated to try. The only way for me to help anyone else is to go ahead with the book I have now which is how I used to feel. Then there will be a helluva Part 2 in which I outline how I came to discount all I once cherished. Then I will go into hiding (not).

It amazes me that my new way of thinking about the world and the people in it encompasses the unbelievable fact the most of the 6 billion+ people that live with me on this ball in space believe in something false. What a lonely feeling.