By James Wilhelm ~
Contrary to what my religious brothers and sisters think, the decision to abandon Christianity came only after much careful thought and painful years of self-doubt and anxiety. It didn’t come easy or lightly.
A lifetime of trying to resolve the faith into something meaningful and lasting took a huge toll on me, with the final decision holding much sadness. And the blows that followed like: “You were never really a Christian” or “You were never really saved” or “You went to the wrong church” just added to the sadness. In my heart I went deeper into Christian principals and know the Bible better than most espousing it.
People abandon Christianity for various reasons. Some see the contradictions, hypocrisy and silliness and decide it isn’t for them. I understand that. But leaving something you truly believed in, something you gave your heart to, and something you ultimately found to be fundamentally incorrect, is mind bending and life altering. For some of us the scars go deep. It colors, distorts and twists our worldview. Perhaps it’s our internal makeup or upbringing.
For me it’s not that I decided not to believe anymore – it’s that I can’t believe anymore. My intellect and emotions prevent and stop me. No amount prayer or Biblical teaching will change this. If the God of the Bible really exists why would he put someone in this position?
You were never really a Christian [...] I hope you go to hell then!Several months after I left I was at a convenience store getting gas. While there a married couple from the last church I attended came out of the store. One of them asked where I’d been for the past few months. I quietly responded that I no longer believe and don’t go anymore. At that point one of them shouted “I hope you go to hell then!” in front of me and surrounding strangers.
I really didn’t need another reason to leave - but got one anyway. Sadly, I’m sure this person felt justified with their comment. In fact, I suspect they would pray me into hell if they could.
There’s a strange irony to all of this. A neighbor just moved in next door to me. He’s the lead pastor of the largest Christian church in town – several thousand members. He asked me the other day if I would take his dog out for a walk while he went on a preaching mission for a week.
Would the god of the Bible ask an ex-Christian to walk his dog while He’s away? I don’t think so, but I walked the dog anyway.
Thank you Jesus.
A lifetime of trying to resolve the faith into something meaningful and lasting took a huge toll on me, with the final decision holding much sadness. And the blows that followed like: “You were never really a Christian” or “You were never really saved” or “You went to the wrong church” just added to the sadness. In my heart I went deeper into Christian principals and know the Bible better than most espousing it.
People abandon Christianity for various reasons. Some see the contradictions, hypocrisy and silliness and decide it isn’t for them. I understand that. But leaving something you truly believed in, something you gave your heart to, and something you ultimately found to be fundamentally incorrect, is mind bending and life altering. For some of us the scars go deep. It colors, distorts and twists our worldview. Perhaps it’s our internal makeup or upbringing.
For me it’s not that I decided not to believe anymore – it’s that I can’t believe anymore. My intellect and emotions prevent and stop me. No amount prayer or Biblical teaching will change this. If the God of the Bible really exists why would he put someone in this position?
You were never really a Christian [...] I hope you go to hell then!Several months after I left I was at a convenience store getting gas. While there a married couple from the last church I attended came out of the store. One of them asked where I’d been for the past few months. I quietly responded that I no longer believe and don’t go anymore. At that point one of them shouted “I hope you go to hell then!” in front of me and surrounding strangers.
I really didn’t need another reason to leave - but got one anyway. Sadly, I’m sure this person felt justified with their comment. In fact, I suspect they would pray me into hell if they could.
There’s a strange irony to all of this. A neighbor just moved in next door to me. He’s the lead pastor of the largest Christian church in town – several thousand members. He asked me the other day if I would take his dog out for a walk while he went on a preaching mission for a week.
Would the god of the Bible ask an ex-Christian to walk his dog while He’s away? I don’t think so, but I walked the dog anyway.
Thank you Jesus.
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