Skip to main content

God would have to be better than me

By Catherine ~

I was raised Roman Catholic and went to Catholic school until 7th grade. My mother had us go to church every Sunday and we performed all the sacraments required. This gave me the morals to never judge anyone, as God was the only one to judge.

This sets up a life of not using good judgment about people – or God – always to see the best in them and rely upon that. When dating, I didn't use discernment as that would be judging. And when my husband-to-be started changing for the worse, I knew God would help and bring him back to the gentle person I had known him to be. From before the marriage I was threatened of what he would do if I didn't marry him, and this included what would also happen to my family. I thought if God didn't help, and if I couldn't help, I'd find a way out later. Ten years later that would be, as laws didn't protect a wife from a husband back then. Think the Bible didn't influence law? I was told by more than one police station in more than one state that I was his property and that if I was a better wife these things wouldn't happen.

Thing is, I was the perfect wife and he hated me for it. He hated my femininity. And it would be decades after that before I'd find out the truth about his drug addictions. No, this is not "denial." If you never are exposed to something or find any evidence, then it isn't anything you'd think of as a part of the violence.

Eventually I met many different men and women – some surprisingly well bred and intelligent – and realized that it's not that we should focus on what's good about people if they are to be in our lives (even murderers love their mother or do good deeds), but it is their failings that are most important to deciding who to allow into our lives. We are taught forgiveness and non-judgment to our detriment. We are taught NOT to think or evaluate, as if the brain supposedly God given isn't to be used except in school. We are taught we have no right to judge God.

In freeing myself from non-judgment. I have allowed myself to use my rational and individual thought about God and all we've been taught through religion. I first read apologist books on the Bible and Christianity to try to reconcile what can't be reconciled. Then on to Atheist books – why they don't believe. Then to books that finally explained that the Old Testament was plagiarism of old myths with name and location changes, which undermines and debunks the New Testament. And, adding to this, I read books about how the New Testament has also been plagiarized, changed, rewritten, and absconded through power and politics. I further read books on how the Church was built and their atrocities.

We are taught NOT to think or evaluate [...] We are taught we have no right to judge God.Bottom line is God would have to be better than me. I would never justify killing babies as the Old Testament does, or killing other tribes and women and goods as booty. And the New Testament is built upon the Old with Jesus supposedly saying he came to fulfill the law of the Old, not discard it. Very disturbing really. Saying to treat slaves and women kindly wasn't enough either. Paul's words has hurt women all around the world and the myth of bad Eve will never be gotten over. Women live the hatred for what Eve is said to have done – a myth built upon other serpent downfall myths and changed for power reasons against women.

I would never send anyone – no matter what they did – to suffer. I'd never allow children to suffer or allow disease. Animals would be protected... and on and on. And I'd never justify such as just some big mystery that such evil is by a good God but we're just too ignorant to understand or judge. Yes, I will judge and use my judgment and discrimination of what can't be justified. No word salad or apologetic twisting can save that bad book that has ruined minds and spirit for thousands of years.

Yes, God would have to be better than me.