An Apatheist

By BeeJay ~

I prefer the appellation “Apatheist”.

I'll explain:

I grew up in the Church of the Brethren, a church in the German Baptist tradition which includes Mennonite, Amish and others. The COB has always been more concerned with service and stewardship over evangelism. We were in the forefront of the civil rights and anti-war movements. In my family it was also environmentalism and gender equality, helping the poor and treating everyone civilly. The Golden Rule and the Beatitudes were every bit as important as the 10 Commandments. We were liberals.

In my teens I started to realize that the purely religious parts didn't make much sense, were contradictory, and just didn't seem to mean anything to me. I thought there was something wrong with me so I tried harder but just couldn't work up any enthusiasm for the rituals; prayer, communion, etc.. Eventually I decided that Christianity was the wrong religion so I started looking at other religions; Islam, Buddhism, Wicca and others. I finally realized they all fell short of what I thought I needed.

I had quit attending church in my late teens/early twenties but always felt that there must be something I was missing, something I should be feeling. In my early thirties, after letting it all kind of fade into the background what with marriage, kids, a farm supply business (we live in a rural area), raising food, making music and still believing deeply in service and stewardship, it dawned on me that I just didn't care, I never had cared about religion.

That's when I realized that the search had ended. The tension was gone. I wasn't missing anything and I didn't need to be feeling anything. I could be happy and satisfied in my life without any of THAT. I didn't have to care.

So I don't.

I'm an apatheist.


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