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The Good News

By Carl S ~

I was unable to sleep. When I woke up at 3:40 a.m., I went on the internet to find the most recent news. It was fascinating. There's a man who cures blind people by asking them to close their eyes, then he touches their eyelids, and they can see. There are many testimonials of this, many cures. He also has raised the dead (at least six have been reported in the last two days alone), and goes about feeding hundreds of people from the bits of food found in his pockets, which multiply as he hands them out. Those who benefit from his blessings, and his followers, are sworn to secrecy, and for good reasons.

He was interviewed, his face hidden by a small panel, and asked the source of his miraculous powers. Very softly, he said, “Jesus Christ said, ‘Those who follow me shall do even greater works than I have done.' I take him at his word, and that's why I can do them. Some people say they don't have enough faith to do greater works than Jesus himself; but I have enough. It's simple. You just have to have faith in Jesus.”

This is the simple message of the worker of miracles. Why doesn't he reveal it to the world? Why does he remain hidden? Is it because he's not an establishment Christian? According to his followers, “he's gotta be a threat to the churches. They'd condemn him as a false prophet, or kill him.” He doesn't fit their standard of a man of God, a saint, since he lives openly with a prostitute, and he cusses nastily, for beginners.

Some of those who know him personally phoned in to the program, saying they're absolutely sure he's Jesus. One woman said, “Now didn't Jesus in the gospels have Mary Magdalene, the prostitute, as a close companion, and haven't things changed since those days? So, yes, I believe he is. Isn't Jesus one of us, not like those ministers of the gospel with their expensive Armani suits? And didn’t he use some bad words condemning the Pharisees then, and shouldn't he go after the likes of his priestly hypocrites now, like the Falwells, Swaggerts, and Pat Robertsons? And no wonder the evangelicals would be after him, if he takes away their money!” The program director said, “This man fulfills the prophesies about Jesus in the gospels,” and then he read them out, saying, “Take that, you unbelievers!” Still, everyone affected by “Jesus” is worried about what might happen to him. Meanwhile, this does not deter him one bit from working his miracles, which become more impressive every day.

During the program, operators were taking calls from people reporting miracles worked by him, right then, just by hearing his voice on the program! Go Fund Me raised over 143 thousand dollars for his mission. I was enthused by everything, and inclined to offer my financial support. Then I remembered: at that ungodly hour of the day, humans are more suggestible and vulnerable to persuasion. Suddenly, the program started breaking up, then disappeared. Maybe it was hacked by a priest somewhere. (I'm joking.)

After that, I went back to sleep, even after such exciting news. My wife woke me at 8:30. I couldn't wait to tell her everything I remembered about the broadcast. She said, “Haven't you heard about all the “False News” going around? There are people making up all kinds of stuff and broadcasting it, so don't believe everything you see or hear, no matter how authentic or honest it appears to be. Don't be gullible. The National Enquirer and other rags have been handing out false “information” for years. Don't you know about urban legends?” I asked her how anyone can tell the difference from the real truth. I added, “And who are you to tell me to be careful? Isn't “False News” a perfect description of the Gospels?”