I'm through with make-believe

By Joe ~

When I was 18 years old me and a friend were walking down Flatbush Ave. in Brooklyn one summer night. We had both recently decided together to quit college after meeting in Philosophy 101. I remember saying "Yeah we can get farther in life working for four years than going to school." Sounded good and logical, almost wise and philosophical. Wrong. We both got jobs in a bank. He got the computer room, I got the telex department. We ran into these people that night who were evangelizing Christians. I bought the story and joined up, so did my friend, at least on the surface.

That was July, 1979. Since then I have been on a holy roller coaster of religion, drugs, music, drinking, and basically life in all its wonder. Or should I say blunder. Eh, maybe thunder. Anyway now I have come full circle. I am no longer a christian or religious in any form. I don't pray, read the bible, go to church, meditate, evangelize, astro-project, contemplate, or whatever.

My former spiritual playmates can't understand. I do because I used to look down my nose at anyone who disagreed and pictured them in a fiery flambe. I could not imagine any other life but that one. My mind, thoughts, emotions, actions, and every aspect of my life was tuned to the note of Christianity. I pictured everything cut down the middle. Cut and dry. Us and them. In or out. Saved or unsaved. Good or bad. Believers or unbelievers. Heaven or hell. Christ or anti-Christ. With us or against us. You get the picture.

I ate it up. Though I went back and forth as far as commitment I always returned with greater passion for the bible, god, and his people. This drove me to read more and of the bible and other related books. I can truly say that ignorance is bliss. The more I continued on this 30 plus year journey the more stuff began to unravel. God commanding murder. Kill your son, kill those people, take their stuff and move in. Keep the virgins, kill the babies. Here's how to keep your slaves in check, how to beat them. Watch me do it, flood the world and kill millions, you can do it too. Even the new testament instructs slaves to obey their masters. This is just the tip of the tip of the iceberg. If you really want to learn more you can find more about bible contradictions all over the web. If you want to stick your head in the spiritual sand be my guest. These things take time to process and accept after a lifetime of indoctrination.

I also began to notice as I 'matured' that believers for the most part were unchanged. We claimed to have the answer to all of life's problems yet most of us were just playing church and basically the same. Some even worse because of the phoniness needed to continue. Some even became bigoted, judgmental, and downright assholes. Saying things like AIDS and hurricanes are punishment from god and that ball players were anointed by god to win. As if god is rooting for their team. (cough) Tim Tebow idiocy. How fucking stupid.

Then the kicker (no punt intended). Where is the proof? Evidence? Great claims need great evidence? Hello? 1-Adam-12 we need backup!!

A whole book of stories and marvels and all kinds of people doing and claiming all kinds of things.

No proof.

Nothing.

Nada.

The god of the universe is using ancient text that has been copied and revised and argued over and caused 30,000 denominations in Christendom to reveal himself?

That's the plan?

So HERE I STAND.

There is no proof in the book, the universe, or the people. No evidence.

And by the way morality and helping others does exist outside religion.

I'm done.

I'm through with make-believe, trying to make myself believe. Can't do it.

Can't lie to myself or to you.

I am living life for life itself. I can still respect others and do the best thing for myself and them. that is something we all know and the bible actually will corrupt your moral table with prejudice and bigotry.

There is no reason for me to believe in god or gods of any type until proof is presented. I do not deny the existence, but I cannot believe either. The jury is out.

One thing is true though; the truth does set you free.

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