Guided by the Spirit?
By Charissa ~
I need to rant and rave about the latest development in my life.
My younger brother is a very serious Christian but he also has his issues that sky-daddy didn’t help him with. He struggles with sex, as all 20-something-year-old men do, especially when fighting against it and trying to suppress natural urges. He was sent to a Christian rehab last year for 9 months because his pastor did not know what to do. God wasn’t helping, prayer and fasting wasn’t changing anything. I believe that he got worse because of the condemnation that came down on him. When he kissed his girlfriend he would feel slight guilty of the responses he got, so he would confess to his pastor. The pastor in turn would try and encourage him and speak the temptation out of him. Only that it would happen again, and each time he would “fall into temptation” he would confess to the pastor. Eventually the pastor would start disciplining him. But taking away my brothers participation in communion, stopping him from reading the notices in church services. And this in turn would fuel my brothers guilt and condemnation about his sin.
Now I know that when I'm supposed to do something but I can, I give up. I don’t even try, sometimes in my Christian life I would say, oh well I've already sinned and carry on doing it. But the emotional feelings afterwards were just horrible. I would feel so guilty, my rational brain started analysing the sinful actions that I have just done, and knowing how terrible I felt, I can only imagine how my brother felt. So he would look for forgiveness and confess, yet again to his mentor and friend, The Pastor, who would in turn publicly humiliate him by making him confess to the church of loved ones and friends about his issues.. And this is how I see the downward spiral taking place. Slowly progressing to my brother cutting himself, drinking, pursuing sexual activities because the guilt of how filthy and disgusting he was would drive him nuts. This is what religion has done to him.
So the pastor at the end of his own sanity, because deep down he knew god wasn’t helping my brother, so he eventually publicly rebuked my brother, told the congregation that he wasn’t a Christian to begin with and that he was a sex addict. He recommended that my brother go to a rehab facility to get help. And so my brother was forced in a drug rehabilitation facility, the church that sent him there did not put anything towards his stay. He sold his car, quit his job and went into the centre for a minimum of 9 months.
Luckily the centre was genuinely interested in dealing with the deeper issues, not just casting demonic forces out.
Until my brother was discharged 4 months early. While I am so glad he is out there, and the fact that he finished his program early does not change the reason he came out.
Due to what I describe as internal politics.
So there is this Christian centre, helping people with the work of god, but they cannot see the hypocrisy that personal issues cant be sorted out. I just shrug my shoulders and laugh at them. Until their little internal politics start spilling over into gossip and slander in emails to me and other parents and family members of the addicts that are in the centre is just disgusting. It is at this moment that I can no longer keep quiet about their bullshit:
This is the latest email sent from my brothers counsellor who has left the centre and started another rehab:
I am absolutely disgusted and replied to both the new centre as well as the director of the original centre about this kind of action. They are dealing with people’s lives and serious addictions, but are so blinded by their own injustices and personal issues that the whole system will come crashing down. Don’t these people see the disillusionment that the same power and spiritual help that they use to heal their washed out patients cannot even keep their shit together!? I wish there was a way that organization and institutes like this would be shut down and the leaders thrown out on the street!
I recognize that my brother may be under a placebo effect for his “healing” but with the recent breakdown I worry that he might fall back into old habits (guilt, cutting, etc.).
I just really hope that this may open his eyes to the bullshit of Christianity and all that it stands for. He is at least “open” to listening to my deconversion and reasons for it. But time will tell.
I need to rant and rave about the latest development in my life.
Now I know that when I'm supposed to do something but I can, I give up. I don’t even try, sometimes in my Christian life I would say, oh well I've already sinned and carry on doing it. But the emotional feelings afterwards were just horrible. I would feel so guilty, my rational brain started analysing the sinful actions that I have just done, and knowing how terrible I felt, I can only imagine how my brother felt. So he would look for forgiveness and confess, yet again to his mentor and friend, The Pastor, who would in turn publicly humiliate him by making him confess to the church of loved ones and friends about his issues.. And this is how I see the downward spiral taking place. Slowly progressing to my brother cutting himself, drinking, pursuing sexual activities because the guilt of how filthy and disgusting he was would drive him nuts. This is what religion has done to him.
So the pastor at the end of his own sanity, because deep down he knew god wasn’t helping my brother, so he eventually publicly rebuked my brother, told the congregation that he wasn’t a Christian to begin with and that he was a sex addict. He recommended that my brother go to a rehab facility to get help. And so my brother was forced in a drug rehabilitation facility, the church that sent him there did not put anything towards his stay. He sold his car, quit his job and went into the centre for a minimum of 9 months.
Luckily the centre was genuinely interested in dealing with the deeper issues, not just casting demonic forces out.
Until my brother was discharged 4 months early. While I am so glad he is out there, and the fact that he finished his program early does not change the reason he came out.
Due to what I describe as internal politics.
So there is this Christian centre, helping people with the work of god, but they cannot see the hypocrisy that personal issues cant be sorted out. I just shrug my shoulders and laugh at them. Until their little internal politics start spilling over into gossip and slander in emails to me and other parents and family members of the addicts that are in the centre is just disgusting. It is at this moment that I can no longer keep quiet about their bullshit:
This is the latest email sent from my brothers counsellor who has left the centre and started another rehab:
"Jericho Recovery Center
Dear Parent/Sponsors, 24/02/20111
This letter is even more difficult to send out than our last one. The director of the N.E.C Mr. Michael Clarke has given the last three counselors 24 hours to leave Nieuwefontien. Kevin, Timothy and Lucas have now left the N.E.C and have now joined the Jericho Recovery Center. As the ex C.E.O I am extremely concerned for the welfare of all the residents on the program as they have no suitably qualified staff on the farm to work with the people. The structure that was in place took years to implement and now all of it seems in danger of collapsing. I have been involved in drug awareness and recovery for 12 years and I am very distressed at the current situation. We have the recovery of the residents at heart and we strongly advise you to challenge the management of the N.E.C about the care of your loved ones and get the value for the service you have paid for. If there is any way I can assist please do not hesitate to call me on
Yours Faithfully
Dereck Cromhout"
I am absolutely disgusted and replied to both the new centre as well as the director of the original centre about this kind of action. They are dealing with people’s lives and serious addictions, but are so blinded by their own injustices and personal issues that the whole system will come crashing down. Don’t these people see the disillusionment that the same power and spiritual help that they use to heal their washed out patients cannot even keep their shit together!? I wish there was a way that organization and institutes like this would be shut down and the leaders thrown out on the street!
I recognize that my brother may be under a placebo effect for his “healing” but with the recent breakdown I worry that he might fall back into old habits (guilt, cutting, etc.).
I just really hope that this may open his eyes to the bullshit of Christianity and all that it stands for. He is at least “open” to listening to my deconversion and reasons for it. But time will tell.