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Giving up my Favorite Blanket

By Kremer ~

When I first dropped Christianity, it was because of the shear nonreason that religion seemed to display: the ease at which I knew others religion to be false taught me that my own was as well. This observation was made when I was lying in bed trying to sleep, when all of my doubts creep out and haunt me. All of my worries and all of my stresses are amplified at night for whatever reason. Most of my "Enlightenment" moments would either occur during those times, or when I would obsessively pace for hours on end talking to myself.

After I made the conclusion that Christianity was probably false, I became a Theistic Agnostic. I was really torn up about it, after all, there was so many years of falsehoods I had believed in?

It wasn't terrible though. I lived in a family of religious moderates, not crazy Fundamentalists. Science was open to me, and me and my family had political and philosophical discussions that would go on for ages. As a kindergartner, I had believed in a literal interpretation of Genesis. Then I heard of things like evolution and the big bang. I was always a Naturalist it would seem; when I natural explanation was given, the bible was dropped.

I was one of those weird kids who had very little friends and who would rather watch educational television than play soccer; and so I did. I would watch something like five or six hours a day for years. From second grade to eighth grade. As you can imagine, I acquired an impressive intellect about myself.

I had never had many friends and was tormented by my peers constantly for my social awkwardness. Later, I was tormented because it was discovered that I had High Functioning Autism, which most people lack the ability to distinguish between Full Autism. My knowledge and my ability to solve intellectual problems was the only thing that gave me self esteem. So I learned more.

Moving forward again though, my abandoning of Christianity wasn't terrible. Sure, I cried for a little bit. There was the fear of what would happen after I died, and I grappled with that for awhile.

To help grapple with it, I googled some weird thing and found this place. I read through a lot of the post and the comments, and found a reference to Zeitgeist, with the claim that it would explain a lot of it.

I realized Jesus was just some pagan rehashing of Judaism, which was itself a rehashing of a particular bread of Egyptian paganism that only lasted until King Tutankhamen ascended the thrown.

Now broken from my last ties to Christianity, I had no reason to believe in god. I suppose the idea that Jesus was a historical figure was all that kept me from Atheism. I guess I still had a bit of attachment to it... lol.

I became angry at all of the nonsense in the world. It wasn't a burning, heat of the moment, kind of anger. It was a calm, logical, and cold sort of anger, not quite hate. It was because of this that I began to debate the worst of the bunch: the Fundamentalists.

Weeks upon weeks of debating them, and with the help of the other Atheists who happened to be there, I learned more about evolution and what science is than I had for those years of educational television that had come previously. The best way to understand science is to understand pseudoscience.

It seemed like each day I found another reason to not believe in god. Another fallacy, another atrocity, another lack of reason, and more disbelief.

Eventually, I realized that Zeitgeist is a bunch of crap made by a crazy conspiracy theorist spouting half-truths, much like the fundamentalists, and I dropped that reason for Atheism. I had all of the other reasons though now.

I hear many people agonizing about how much of their lives they lost to religion. For me, I'm glad to say it wasn't like that. I wouldn't have wanted myself to give up religion earlier, but I wouldn't have wanted to lose it later either. My faith wasn't crushed by some outside source, leaving me vulnerable and without direct. I crushed it. I left it when I was ready.

It was like a favorite blanket. As a little kid, I would not have wanted it taken from me. I'm glad I had it. As I got older though, I matured, and I gave it up when I was ready. It was never ripped from me. On that regard I am lucky.