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Faith explained it all to me

By Dan ~

I grew up in a conservative Christian home in South Africa during the apartheid years. In those days all the white people were Christians and we were taught not to challenge authority. After I left school I did not bother going to church and did not even think about Christianity until I got married and my first child was born. I started going to church again with my wife, not because of conviction but because that was the expected thing to do. Although I was only a typical Sunday Christian, I have put my talents to use and quickly became a deacon and after two years one of the youngest elders in the congregation.

I was a full-time soldier and was involved in the war in Angola. During this time I started to question God and Christ and decided to walk away from all that. I left the church, and my wife left me.

For years I read everything I could find on evolution, the history of the church, and other religions, mainly to equip myself for arguing with Christians.

Then I met my current wife. I loved her but she was a reborn evangelical Christian. I started attending church again, mainly to please her. Eventually the bombardment of scripture and Christian literature got to me and I was re-born, baptized, and on my way to heaven.

For six years I became intensely involved, leading prayer groups, testifying in churches, studying the Bible, and doing the stuff that pentecostal Christians do.

But slowly, stuff started not to make sense any more. I started asking the difficult questions and got the normal nonsensical answer. It was a difficult time for me. I could not sleep and spent many guilt-ridden nights praying, reading the Bible, and looking for answers.

On night, studying the theme Faith I read the definition of faith in Hebrews 11: 1: "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."


Faith is believing in things you hope is true and then it became evidence because you cannot see it - or something like that.

I suppose that clinched the deal. I closed my Bible and never read it again.

After about a year of this I finally told my wife last night that I am no longer a believer. I think she suspected it because I have not participated in any of her discussions on her daily Bible studies. She is a passionate Christian and spends the whole day, every day, listing to the teachings of Andrew Warmack and listening to gospel music.

I guess it is going to put strain on my marriage, and at this point I am not sure how to handle it.

Time will tell, but I am never going to be drawn back into that surreal phony religion (or any other religion for that matter).