Sent in by Scott D After reading "exchristian" for quite some time now. I think it's time to submit my own story. I was born into a non religious family consisting of an older sister and my Mother who seemed to use churches when it suited her for company. My Father left when I was three but from what I here of him I don't think God was high on his list of priorities. My first real experience with Christianity came about after I was expelled from the state school system for being somewhat of a disruptive menace at the age of ten. Some friends of my mother came to the rescue and managed to persuade a local Seventh Day Adventist primary school to accept me. The catch was that I had to also attend their church. Being a somewhat messed up child already (by this stage I had already lived through a few years of watching my drunk step dad beating my mother on a weekly basis), I must have stood out to the youth paster as a perfect candidate for his special brand of...

Sent in by Ray J This is written for the purposes of 'coming out,' to finalise within myself what I have come to understand, and so others know that what they're doing and thinking is ok. I am a bible college graduate ( Faith Mission Bible College , Edinburgh) and a BA(Hons) Theology graduate ( Nazarene Theological College, Manchester .) I was the guy in school who made the anonymous evangelistic posters and stuck them up around the school. I'm the guy who wouldn't go to my school formal becuase it was an un-Christian alcohol-fest. I'm the guy that taught the others at Bible College about sanctification and initially shook my head at any bible other than the KJV. I'm the guy who stood at 'open-air meetings' in Edinburgh and allowed myself to be laughed at, have stones thrown at me, and stood up bravely to teach the Gospel of Christ because I would stand against the world and be a fool for Christ. I'm also the guy who felt a lot of mis...

Sent in by DC My testimony of de-conversion is not as dramatic as some that I've read on this site but I decided to post it early on in my membership so no one could accuse me of copying it from someone else’s story. There are, no doubt, similarities to other stories because many of the reasons for doubting are the same for many people. I was raised in a Christian family. We went to church every Sunday but seldom discussed it outside of church. So I was not beaten into submission or strongly coerced or anything. One of my few arguments as a teenager with my parents was not about me going to church, but about where I would go to church. In writing this down I tried to distill things into just a few points of why I de-converted. There are literally at least a hundred reasons. Most of them minor ones that may not make much sense to anyone but me. So here are those I boiled it down to: 1. Never, in my 41 years as a "Christian," was there a clear, definite answer from ...

Sent in by The Bloviator The Evangelicals Made Me Do It I have, by way of introduction, been viewing this site for quite a while now, and am finally at a stage of willingness to commit to voicing my disbelief in the Christian life-scheme. In all honesty, were it not for the well-intentioned efforts of the evangelical Christian community, I would never have reached the conclusion that Christianity is simply a house of cards, waiting for the merest breath of introspection and research to bring it down. As background, I was raised a Catholic in the '60s, with the folk mass and "Kumbaya, my Lord" as watchwords. Although my grandparents were quite devout (grandpa walked to mass every single morning at 6am), my folks took a very liberal view of church. We attended once a week (beware the mortal sin of missing mass!!!) and all the usual holidays, but were otherwise uninvolved. When given the option at 14 years of age, I chose not to attend mass any further, though I never ren...

Sent in by Jack E I was raised in the SDA (Seventh Day Adventist) church as far back as I can remember. Baptized into their belief system at the age of 9, I did the church thing until I left the church when I was 18 years of age. As with most who have been raised in the sheltered environment of religion, when released I ran amok for a few years. Then I finally settled in a church named Calvary Chapel (CC), where I felt at liberty as opposed to the legalistic confines of Adventism and their prophet Ellen G. White. After a few years at CC, I married and continued my spiritual quest by attending a Baptist church. I even became ordained and helped start a local church. While attending the Baptist Church a study group was going through Rick Warrens' book "The Purpose Driven Life," and as the 40 days wound down I began to question God and his character as espoused by Warren and his ilk. Like, why does God need our constant attention and worship? Why does he get jealous, angry, ...

Sent in by libertarianchick I am a born and bred Southern Baptist, with six preachers as grandfathers and great-grandfathers (also one Nazi, but I digress). I was bathed in church from birth. I got saved at six and baptized. I went to camps, choir, GAs, Acteens , VBS , etc¡ I fully believed in God until about age 12. Unlike many other ex-Christians, I did start to de-convert because I wanted to sin. I desperately wanted to have sex, and I had an extremely high drive (especially for a girl). I often feared that I would not have the courage to have premarital sex and that I would have to wait a long time to get married. Needless to say, I found the courage. I feared (and still do, a little) hell with a nearly paralyzing fear. I had elaborate plans to pray and get saved upon knowing that I was going to die. I still fear sudden death even as an atheist, all the logic in the world cannot overcome this. I read this site and others "religiously," convincing myself of the utter s...

Sent in by Alex C I stumbled upon this site a couple years ago and found it to be a breath of fresh air. I knew on a purely intellectual level that there -had- to be others that had left Christianity, but I'd never met any. Sometimes, and I'm sure that you, dear reader, can sympathize, one feels dreadfully alone when recovering from the abuse and scars that fundamentalist Christianity can leave. I was so happy to know, finally really -know-, that there were others out there, like me, who had pulled themselves away from the church. I've read many anti-testimonies, and have seen my own struggle reflected at me in some of them. I've read accounts of the abuse that others have suffered and sighed the I-know-exactly-what-you-mean sigh. Now, I feel like it's time to share with you my own story, that others may see some of their struggles reflected in mine. Unlike a good number of you, I wasn't raised in church. My mom was raised Catholic, and my dad was raised ...

Sent in by Jennifer N Ok (deep breath), I think that I'm finally ready to put into words what I have been feeling in the last year or so about leaving Christianity. While I was reading some of the other testimonials on this site, I was amazed at the stories of people who had rejected Christianity outright from childhood. All I can say is that I wish I had your backbone but I never was a rebel, and instead I am a bit of an introvert and like to avoid conflict. I was raised in a mainstream Protestant denomination and my family were not"born-again" or "right-wing" type of Christians. I had great parents and was not really limited in what I could wear, watch, read, etc. We went to church on a fairly regular basis, but we weren't averse to skipping a week or two here and there, especially if there was an important game on. My mom had been a bit of a rebel herself by leaving Catholicism when she married my dad (she didn't like the Roman Catholic stance on...

Sent in by Michie S Sunday I attended Church with my parents and I think it will be the last time I ever set foot in a Church as a Christian. I have been wrestling with my decision to leave Christianity since the beginning of 2007. I stopped attending an Apostolic Pentecostal Church - that I now consider a cult - over two years ago. I was a member of that Church for over 12years. I was in ministry, in leadership and worked quite closely with the Pastor. I have been attending various other Churches on and off since, but I can't do it anymore - I can't pretend I believe when I know in my heart I don't. Over the years the hypocrisy, judgmental attitudes, constant fasting, praying, superiority complex and outright lies of so called Christians (my Pastor included) broke through the barrier of the "don't ask, don't doubt and especially don't question" dogma that I was brainwashed into believing. I am sick, angry and heartbroken to realize that I believed a...

Sent in by Brian T I was a "believer" starting at the age of 19. The conversion experience seemed real enough. I have to admit that I felt that feeling of weight lifted off, an indescribable peace, and I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about. I didn't begin doubting until I began to learn more about the history or origin of the bible. I was puzzled as to why pastors in a church never mention how the story of Moses in a basket is similar to an older story from the Annals of Sargon. There are other stories in other religions about someone being raised from the dead. I remember learning about ziggurats and later hearing a pastor mention it. "You don't need to know about ziggurats." was in his sermon. Why not explain what ziggurats were? I loved the "Da Vinci Code" movie. The more and more I learned about the Bible the less and less I believed in Christianity. I am still in the closet except to my spouse, who has tried to be und...

Sent in by Floss (name changed at request of author) I really thought I was going to lose it in the car not so long ago. I mean breakdown and lose my sanity. I cried, although I tried not to, but I just couldn't put forward reasonable arguments in a coherent fashion to my husband to justify my change in beliefs. In fact I could argue his case better than my own. I ended up scared that I'd got it all wrong and wished I could go backwards but I can't. I just can't. My mind won't let me. It doesn't help that he's an AoG (Assembly of God) minister. We've been married over 30 years. He actually said to me today that I'd better think of leaving him then because now he's unequally yoked. I know he didn't mean it, at least I don't think he did, but he sees what I've done as a betrayal of my faith. What have I done? Just read and thought for myself for once. I was saved when I was 10 years old, so I missed out completely on the critical think...

Sent in by Caleb C I have enjoyed reading some of the testimonials on this site. I concur with so many of the thought processes shared. I myself, cannot imagine that the God of the Bible and Christianity is for real. I do believe in Karma or at least some kind of "spirit force." I mean, I've at least experienced at times in my life the old adage, "what goes around comes around." Coming out with my doubts and disbeliefs now is hard for me for several reasons. 1. All of my friends are devout Christians... I don't wanna lose them. 2. I've been programmed my whole life to believe in the God of Christianity. 3. I am a former youth pastor and non profit ministry director where I preached so passionately about the truths of God and Jesus Christ. We saw hundreds saved! None of it makes sense anymore though. There is no rhyme or reason to the truths of the Bible. None of the guarantees work, and the history is not very credible at all. I have such a...

Sent in by Kelli Hi, I'm a 29-year-old, happy agnostic. My struggle with the faith began about two years ago. Up until then I was insanely devout. I had accepted the fact that most of the people I love will probably spend eternity in hell and tried not to think about it except when I was busy blaming myself for not being able to convince them of God's saving truth. I read my Bible, sometimes for hours a day. I prayed, for around an hour every day and still it was never enough. If I woke in the middle of the night, it was because God wanted me to pray more, and so I did. My husband and I were "equally yoked," and spent many hours discussing God's purpose for our lives and our terrible failure to live up to His standards of purity and devotion. Yet despite all this, the truth somehow got to me. Around two years ago I began to have doubts which felt like moments of clarity — moments where the fog of self brainwashing lifted and I saw reality — moments where I perce...

Sent in by Brooke T I'm 21 years old. Up until a few weeks ago, I was what is known as a Born-again Christian. I converted when I was 16 and soon had a couple of the best years of my life. My soul felt sincerely clean, and I wondered how I could go on living in such a filthy world (as I perceived it to be). I had a Bible and a couple of devotial books that I used to read all the time. I went to a sweet little church that I still miss despite not believing in the religion anymore. I thought I would never stop believing in Jesus Christ. It felt like a sheer impossibility. I mean, look at all the proof! Emotional and physical signs during a baptism, spontaneously speaking in tongues, answered prayers (I had those too), and... so many other things. Nevertheless, during those five years as a Christian I began to discover various facts that contradicted the truth of the Bible and of Jesus Himself. At first I was terrified. The concept of "falling away from the faith" haunted me...

Sent in by Chris Let me first say that this site is a haven from Bible spouting Christian people that I encounter. I am a 23-year-old black man who has come to the decision that I despise religion. I have not grown up on it as others may have, but encountered it at the beginning of my teens. My mother converted to Baptist after years of never going to church and began on me and my brother. I will stop on personal story to tell all here (even the foolish Christians) that I converted to atheism because of doubts and the sneaky ways of Christian followers. Let's start with the doubts that fuel my separation from Christianity and other forms of religion. The first being the question is how an all-powerful and all-knowing God can allow such pain to even exist if he is so loving. Then there's the question of how the Bible can speak of the beginning when nobody was there. Another question is why I have to repent and suffer for the sins of an idiot ancestor. And there is the con...

Sent in by Steve M Well, let's see. I was brought up in a Baptist environment and of course being a young child I believed all that I was told. As the years passed I became a young adult and was still active in the church. Even taught Sunday school for a short while. Now I am 54 years old and have seen many things transpire in my life and have read the "Good Book" and many other books along religious lines. I have come to see that it is facts that count, not bullshit stories that no one can prove or back up. If it isn't fact, then it is fantasy! I have seen much evil done in the name of God! I just love the bit about how God has given man a free will to make his own decisions. God sez, do it my way or do not pass go and go straight to hell! It's like you're sitting in a chair and I walk up to you with a gun in my hand and I tell you this. I put a 44 to your head and tell you, looky here. You have free will. You can do things my way or I will pull the tr...

Hi, My name is Jillian and I am an ex-xian. You may ask why I started my testimonial as if I were at my first AA meeting. It is simple. I see religion like any other addiction. Things are going shitty in your life, you tend to turn to something external. In my case, I turned to Christianity. Like all other addictions though, it makes your logical thought fuzzy, divides and causes hassles and rifts in your family, and you reason with yourself constantly, that it is actually doing you some good, despite the fact you don't actually like who you are on this "drug" of choice; you think it makes you feel better about yourself and who you are, when in reality you just lose all of who you are and become a fake individual, living in a synthetic, "Stepford wives" kind of pseudo reality. I lived the bliss of ignorance for near 2 decades. Believed what the pastor told me, believed the Ark story, believed the immaculate conception of Jesus... or was it the Davidic bloodline ...

By HeIsSailing And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil – John 3:19 (KJV) I was a Christian for most of my life of 43 years. I fell away for one simple reason: I finally found the claims of Christianity to be unbelievable. I no longer believe in presupposing that the Bible is inerrant and divinely inspired so that I can wrap my worldview around it. I do not trust the Christian Church, run by mortal and fallible men just like me, to know my path to eternal salvation. Like the noble Bereans, I had to investigate the Scriptures for myself, and read them without the filter of Church Creeds to interpret them. And the Scriptures, while more fascinating than any Creed could make them, do not in any way hold as an infallible belief system. But I want to believe. It is so much easier to fit into society when we all have common beliefs. It is easier for people to relate to each other when we all have ...

By Nicholas B The first time I ever "faked it," I was in jail, and a pastor was walking around the chapel laying hands on the mens' foreheads, praying for our deliverance from drugs, alcohol, and a myriad of other evils we were guilty of or addicted to. When he came to me, I expected to feel something…anything, but when I didn't, I became embarrassed, flushed, anxious. Nothing was happening. "What should I do now," I thought. I fell back and laid on the floor assuming the "slain in the spirit" position, while the pastor went on and on and on praying, all along thinking that I had been touched by Spirit of Gawd. Another time, we were all sitting around the chapel. The pastor asked the "congregation" if any one in the audience wanted an extra measure of faith. I was nervous. I knew he was going to try and see us receive the "gift of tongues." I was paranoid. "Please, NO, don't come over here," my mind scre...

Sent in by Butch I’ve enjoyed this site and the support I’ve gotten from reading about so many other ex-Christians around the globe for a while now. I’ve been meaning to write my own de-conversion story but never got around to it. What follows grew out of a recent email exchange in response to a monthly column I write for my local paper, usually about freethinking, atheism, etc. First some background: I grew up in a Southern Baptist home with very loving and supportive parents. My childhood was pretty typical and happy. I was saved as a teenager at a revival, made my public profession of faith, and baptized. For the next 10 years or so I was a Biblical-literalist, born again evangelical. I was active in the church, went to youth camps like Centrifuge, prayed daily, had a quit time almost daily, read the Bible incessantly, and witnessed whenever I got the chance. In short, I was “on fire for God” and I was happy. In my early 20’s (in college of course) I start...