Sent in by Stronger Now These are the things that I was told were the most important: 1. Faith in Jesus. 2. Family bonds. That's it. It was drilled into me from birth. You always take care of family because they'll take care of you. You never ever stray from faith in the almighty god. He is watching out for you even when family isn't. And I believed it. Even when I was molested by my older brother. I was eight. He was pushed into doing it by an even older cousin. And I still believed it. I couldn't tell on them. They were family. I couldn't betray them anymore than I could question why god let it happen. So I started to believe it was my fault. After all I could have yelled NO! and stopped them. That's the way I thought of it and the guilt was incredible. I read the bible and went to church and learned all about forgiveness. So that's what I felt I really needed to do. So I did. But the memory and unwarranted guilt never went away. At fourteen I decided to k...

Sent in by Debbie J Living in the heart of the south and going to school with people who live in the Bible Belt of Georgia has its ups and downs. The major up is that everyone is friendly. The major down is that they're only friendly until they ask THE question: "So, what church do you go to?" I give a stock answer, "I don't go to church. I don't have the facilities to go at this point in time. I'll keep in touch, though." - which is, of course, a blatant lie. The truth is, I was born in a little Spanish-speaking island called Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico is a big city, packed into a small island - but I digress. The highlight of my life in Puerto Rico is that I was a Jehovah's Witness. We'll start from the beginning ... The earliest memory I have of the Kingdom Hall (the Jehovah's Witness church) is sitting in the back row, just my mother and I, behind a woman with four kids - two of which were to leave for college the upcoming year, the oth...

Sent in by Neil S I was a fundamentalist Christian for 27 years. I became "born again" after joining the Air Force in 1979. I remember reading a bible I had bought and for the first time read what the New Testament said about salvation. I realized that I was a great sinner and needed help. I was upset with the way my life was going and saw no way out. I was in my barracks by myself reading the bible when I came across the passage "If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved". I bowed my head and repeated this to God and put my trust in him. I felt great release and love flowed into my heart. I started to go to church, go out with Christian friends, sing and witness in the park and of course read my bible day and night. For a year I was on cloud nine but then I was sent to an Air Force base in England. At RAF Lakenheath (a nuclear bomber base) I was charged with guard...

Sent in by Mark R Hello, I'm and ex Christian of 7 years. I'm only 16, which might seem like a piss poor time to "give up", if you will, because I'm so young. But the physical, emotional, and metal abuse i experienced was enough that i never wanted to have anything to do with some carpenter and his godly father ever again. My story begins with my 3rd grade year of school. I've just been accepted into a boarding school for orphans and underprivileged children called Milton Hershey School. This school, and other events, would be the first i would hear of Christianity. When i was enrolled, the houseparents(a couple that looked over 10 or so kids) took me to the office. They ask me if i knew anything about Jesus and God. Of course, being only 9 years old, i didn't know what they were talking about, so they gave me what i call the "manipulation". They told me the story about Jesus and how he was such a great guy and all that. I was bored out of my min...

by Astreja My name is Astreja Kaéren Odinsdóttir, and I am a Heaven refusenik. I have made a conscious decision to deliberately choose Hell over Heaven, in the unlikely event that these places actually exist. Somewhere between age five and seven I read the Bible for the first time. My parents' library included an illustrated volume with some rather striking lithographs, and one of those illustrations still haunts me forty-five years later. I remember a mass of humanity standing in a pit, hands aloft, pleading for mercy. Fortunately for my sanity, neither of my parents are overtly religious. Although I was baptized without my consent at the age of three months, I somehow managed to avoid the standard indoctrination into Christian mythology. Imagine a seven-year-old girl commenting to the boy next door that threats of eternal punishment are useful for controlling the masses, and you'll get a good picture of my skeptical fascination with religion. I've tried to approach philos...

Sent in by Stina I grew up in church. I accepted Christ and was baptized at age 9 and went to a couple of different Baptist churches up until age 18. As a teenager, I felt that my church didn't offer the kind of support I wanted, so I was an avid reader of Brio magazine for girls (produced by Focus on the Family). I felt I was really a "true" Christian, whereas many people I knew seemed to claim to be Christians without believing the Bible was the inerrant Word of God. At age 17 I went on a mission’s trip with Brio magazine to Brazil. I became friends with a girl who told me about Capernwray Hall, a Bible school in England. She was going to attend, and when I graduated from high school it seemed like the perfect plan for me also, since I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. It was just what I wanted: an incredibly supportive Christian environment with about 200 other 18-mid 20 year-olds, where my beliefs were reaffirmed. My family began attending an Evangelical L...

----- I first want to say that I enjoy this site very much. I was raised very much like allot of you here. My Family has deep Christian roots. I myself was once very devoted to my walk. But I had my back slider moments as other Christians would say, and at those times, I would feel "Oh my God! I’m going to hell because of all those things we're told that will get us put there" -- being human, not having enough faith and so forth. All my life I’ve had questions inside. A lot of those questions could not be answered from the Bible, but still I defended the Word. Or I'd watch the infamous TBN when I felt my faith was lacking. The thing was, I didn’t feel any better about certain situations afterward. I married my high school sweetheart, was willing to just stay back and be a housewife and raise our daughter . For 7 yrs. straight, I went through living with relatives many yrs. His job hopping and then a drug problem took every thing. All those yrs. I prayed and...

Sent in by Philippe It just hit me. After 2 1/2 years of faith and devotion, I'm feeling burned out. It just hit me. For almost 2 weeks now, I don't pray like I used to. It just hit me. After meeting with Baptists, Anglicans, Adventists, Christadelphians, Unted Church of God members, etc. I am now completely lost about my faith and beliefs. It just hit me. I miss watching horror movies, listening to rock music, reading books about dinosaurs and astronomy. It just hit me. I no longer believe... well, I mean, I no longer believe what some people want me to believe. Is there a God? Can't prove it, nor I can't affirm that he (she !?!?)doesn't exist. I think the most important thing is what we do with our life: how we can help others, how we can improve our behavior, how we can be better persons. Perhaps I see myself now as an agnostic. All I know is that I don't believe anymore in the Christ of the Bible. Maybe Jesus really existed (but the proofs are hard to find)...

Sent in by Debra T I found this website through Marlene Winell, the author of Leaving the Fold: A guide for Former Fundamentalists and others leaving a religion. I was a fundamentalist for about 25 years and have been in recovery from it for about 12 years. A year ago I graduated with my masters degree and my thesis was titled: Writing and Healing: A Personal Journey of Religious Addiction and Spiritual Abuse Recovery. Healing from all the woundings and mind games put upon me for 25 years has not been easy and just when I think things are going great, another layer of stuff reveals itself. I experienced spiritual abuse and stayed in the religion as long as i did because of the fear of going to hell. Three things the church does to manipulate people is the use of guilt, fear and shame. I discovered Marlene Winell and her healing work through my thesis research and got in touch with her. I've been to three of her retreats now and it has really helped, first of all to know that I didn...

Sent in by Steel At 40 years old, I have lived some 25 years as a "born again" Christian, but have really struggled for the last 10 years years with what I see as a creator, who by all logical exercises, is an absentee landlord. For example: - I cannot say that I ever had any prayer answered for my own needs, or those of others - I have sought the healing for my many physical problems, with faith, for the healing that was promised me as a believer (even just a portion), but it was all in vain - I have really struggled with inescapable statistics, such as: 1/3 of the world is under-fed, 1/3 is starving (The World Health Organization); every year 15 million children die of hunger; 3 out of every 4 who die from starvation are younger than 5 years old; every 3.6 seconds someone dies of hunger - Does God really reward faith? (“But without faith it is impossible to please him. For he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek ...

Sent in by Dana I was raised Roman Catholic. And I'm sure that many others will understand what I'm saying when I describe how I was constantly afraid of Hell and Death. I knew I had to be good or else I wouldn't make it into Heaven. However, when I was around 3 years old, I drew a picture and instead of it showing a Christian version of death, it showed what happens before we're born. I couldn't find anything in the Bible that said what happens before we're born. At the age of 3 I started to doubt the Bible, but for the next 12 years I would continue to try to defend it using science, saying that all scientific accomplishments and discoveries only brought tribute to the fact that we could never comprehend God. I have had Bipolar disorder my whole life, and the hallucinations and delusions associated with my mental condition only continued to frighten me into believing in God. Those voices in my head, they must really be demons! I must really need Jesus Christ t...

Sent in by Paul We are all alone. Try though we may to change that, we cannot escape that state except in snatches of time with pieces of ourselves, but I believe the effort to connect is well worth it, important. I think the desire to not be alone is one of the driving forces behind belief in god. At anytime, in any situation, the believer is never alone (at least, that's the theory). That's not always great. If you like lobster and your god doesn't, there's conflict. But despite all the conflict that derives from crossed inclinations there's the accompanying notion of being loved and cared for by a god who understands completely and cares (as long as you don't eat lobster). Some people believe in lobster hating gods, others have an adjusted god who let them eat lobster. I think those with an adjusted god are probably a bit happier, but their god loses credibility with some because of their lack of structure and standard (especially with those whose god hates ...

By Candid Folly I was born into an evangelical home of the American Baptist persuasion, which is all many folks need to know to get a picture of my childhood. My dad was a part-time minister, and my mother’s father a full-time one. From the day I was born until the day I left for college, I haunted a white stucco church in a blue collar town. I was an obnoxious student of religion, a precocious good kid. At the age of nine, I asked my father to baptize me, and from then on I performed well according to expectations. I was a dutiful member of Junior Church and Vacation Bible School. I was the only kid in the adult classes, studying obscure Bible passages and the Calvinist confession of faith of our colonial ancestors. As if my Jesus geek status weren’t already established, I became a junior counselor at one of the Bible camps I’d frequented. Lots of church ladies told me I ought to be a pastor when I grew up. Even then, I knew that’s not what I wanted, but I took the complement...

Sent in by Roger W Right now I am in the middle of my deconversion. It all started when I began a critical study of Matthew 24 and the word "generation." After hours of study, I began to realize that Jesus meant to return in the first century. There is NO other way to look at it. I started bringing this up with my preacher brother and missionary sister and my mother(the holiest of holies in the family). I even had the audacity to say that I didn't think the great flood happened or that Balaam ever got in an argument with his ass. Maybe,just maybe a parrot. But an ASS? No way. All HELL broke loose. How dare I question such things. Ex-Christians have pointed out to me that most believers hardly ever even read the Bible. They use misdirection and rely on beliefs that they were taught from childhood. I am currently doing a critical study of the entire Bible. If this turns me into a heathen,so be it. I never felt comfortable as a Christian, and doubts a...

Sent in by Alan Back in 1993 I was a pastoral worker in a church overseas. My then wife and I decided that we should return to the UK. The day after we returned she left me. I have not seen her since. As I was in my home town I looked for support from the church I had previously attended there. When none was forthcoming I looked to other churches and found none there either. This situation continued until February '94. During this time I started to analyze my Christian experience. The more I looked the more I realised that the I could not truthfully quote one instance when one of the promises of the gospel had happened directly to me. I decided then to clear my life of things that where holding me back. Part of this excess baggage was Christianity. Appropriately enough this was on the 24th February. 10 years to the day since my "conversion". Of course the reaction of the Christians I knew at that time was that I had become the Devil incarnate. Really I didn't feel an...

Sent in by Qboo John I've been a proud atheist for well over 10 years now (I'm 26) but I can still recall the very moment that the penny dropped. I was raised and schooled as a protestant (Church of England) which included Sunday school which was taught by my mother. Whilst I remember it vividly, I'm not sure of my age but I'd have been 9 or 10. I was stood in a cold stone church on a Sunday morning when I wanted to be playing football or cricket and the dour and obedient congregation were going through the usual brain-washed call-and-response chanting. We came across a section I'd disliked in prior services but this time it hit me hard, 'We are not worthy so much as to gather up the crumbs under thy Table.' Even at my young age I can recall my internal dialogue asking 'What on earth are we doing here? Who is this person? Why have I seen heard Him or seen anything of Him?' My father has always taught me to think for myself and to trust only what I c...

Sent in by Jennifer V My journey to becoming an atheist isn't really and amazing story. My brother and I grew up in a home where religion was never really discussed. It was just assumed that we were catholics like our parents were. I never asked questions about "God" or "Jesus", but believed what my parents did. It wasn't until I was 16 and met my future husband(who is now my ex-husband) that I really explored religion and Christianity. My ex-husband and his family were devout Christians and it was expected that anyone he was dating would be also. I was preached to and eventually and was "saved". I repented all my sins and accepted "Jesus" into my heart. I didn't really know why I did it, I just knew that I hadn't heard anything else, so why wasn't Christianity correct? At this point, I was probably 19 years old and ready to get married to the guy who is now my ex-husband. After we got married, I started taking some ev...

Sent in by Mike R This is the conclusion that I have come to after thirty some odd years of Christianity. To understand the “why” I offer my testimony. I became a Christian at the tender age of 11. My father had just become a Christian, and so naturally he taught me about Jesus, hell, and Gods gift of eternal life. Being a child I just knew that I wanted to go to heaven, so I prayed the prayer. I accepted Jesus and starting my life as a Christian. I took all of this teaching to heart. I often went to bed early so that I could read my bible. I loved to read the four gospels. In my mind, these were the actual words of Jesus, so that is what I wanted to read. Nightly I would read and pray until sleep came upon me. However, as I grew into my teens I was starting to become depressed. Why? It seams my dad could not stay put in any one place. So my family moved every summer. Often because we did not have much money we would end up stranded and living in the car. I can remember going two or th...

Sent in by Andrew H Hello all! I am a former Evangelical Christian. I was a leader in my high school youth group, I went to a Christian college, and even spent about 10 months overseas as a missionary. I was a "strong, growing" Christian. I tried to convert (successfully in some cases) my "unsaved" friends in high school, I led discipleship classes, I didn't have sex, alcohol, cigarettes, etc... My passion was traveling, and thus I naturally felt as if God had "called" me to be a missionary, which I did for nearly a year. After my experience in Christian College and on the mission field, I got engaged to a Christian woman from a strong Christian family. From the day I was born until then, my whole life my mind was in the "Christian Bubble". Then one Saturday in February of 2004, I stumbled upon a web journal of a girl who was traveling around the world for a year. I spent nearly 6 hours reading every entry. She was not a missionary, sh...

Sent in by Jamie G Years ago I remember sitting in a church service. It wasn't different than any other church service I had been to, but I was introduced to a term, and a group of people, I had never heard of before..... secular humanists. The way the preacher was talking you would have thought there was some huge underground conspiracy ran by these people to take over the world and set themselves up as God. For a long time I believed, because it never crossed my mind to look it up for myself, that secular humanists believed they were each gods, like some kind of new age woowoo. Living in my small town I had never met anyone who flat out blatantly denied being a Christian, or didn't believe in God. I met Methodists, Baptists, Presbyterians, and Catholics, and I thought this was diversity, but to go to college and actually meet Wiccans, Muslims, Buddhists....and the dreaded ATHEIST and secular humanist was almost too much for me. While in high school I did spend one school year...