Dirty Words

By True Anathema ~

Atheist. It used to be a dirty word. It's still a secret word in my vocabulary, but not secret to me. At least I can be honest with myself. I am the only God in control of my life now. No hell and no rules other than these laws we live by and my own conscience.

Mine. That's a word that I haven't used with any freedom for years. Pride is supposed to be an origional sin, after all. But in the absence of sin, it really is a beautiful word. Mine. This life...mine. These thoughts...mine. This job, this money...mine. My time...mine. My future and my decisions...mine.

I don't say this out of selfishness, but ownership. It is an ownership I have NEVER had, until recently. My successes and failures are also mine. This is pride. Now that's another dirty word for a Christian, isn't it? That's what made Lucifer fall from heaven and what made Adam and Eve sin isn't it? But there's nothing wrong with pride. Pride is good. Pride means I'm pleased with my accomplishments and satifsfied with where I am in life, or at least with the capacity I have to make it better.

Pride means I'm not afraid of some supernatural boogie man snuffing out my life or plans. It means I know that shit happens and it's not my fault when it does. Bad things don't happen because we humans are being punished. Maybe I made a bad decision and you know what, that's okay. I'll make more and I'll learn from them. And of that I'm proud.

There isn't always an explanation when things beyond our control hurt us. Quite frankly, having no explanation is better than the belief that there is a divine power that enjoys screwing us over just to teach us obedience. I'll learn whatever I learn whenever I learn it.

Pride...It means no regrets. It means having the strength to say what is true. It means loving the people in my life for who they are...period. It means loving myself with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and not wasting that energy on anything else other than an actual living, breathing person. And love like that is never wasted on animals either. Ask my four dogs and they'll tell you.

Lastly, and probably most importantly, it means that there is no omniscient being offended by these very words I've penned on this paper. He is not there. He is not paying attention to what I think or say. These words are soley mine, and also belong to those whom with whom I wish to share them.

There are no dirty words.