By Jack Boxer ~
So I was about 11 I think when I realized god couldn't possibly exist. I just could not longer bring myself to the constant bouts of paranoia, depression and self-inflicted pain otherwise known as "repenting" and "hellmary".
I simply became physically unable to engage in any further self-flogging. My emotions were shot, my body exhausted from all the constant gut wrenching choke-chaining from all the "apologizing" for thinking things, as if anyone can or has a right to read my thoughts, I had no ability to pose as a martyr with my hands nailed to something, thinking I had to "endure the pain" for christ, when I realized that Christ was supposedly the one who did it for me and that it was over?
But alas, even if you believe you don't have to jesus christ pose yourself into fatigue every day of your life for having sexual thoughts about some well endowed girl you saw down the street, the doctrine of "christ" will make you do it anyway.
It was in this moment, this uncontrollable plight of subservience, that I for the first time in my life experienced what real freedom was.. I was so completely paralyzed from the years of self-inflicted torment and anguish, that I could only concentrate on what I was physically feeling, as thinking I was wrong for not continuing would could have become full blown psychosis did nothing to me as I was unable to comply with God's commandments. I could no longer blame myself for the wrongs of the world, or the mistakes i made. All i knew in that moment is I have to calm down and rest, breaking every single one of what I thought was god's golden rules.
I ceased to berate myself by condemning my christian "underachievements" and layed down and went to bed. The dream I had was like any other dream, but this time I felt relaxed and at peace with myself. My thoughts were aloud to form into coherent visual and audio patterns and for the first time since I could remember being alive I felt at peace with myself.
All this going through my head as an 11 year old child. It took me awhile to finish the journey of my religious exodus, so years down the road I went constantly restructuring my thoughts, trying to undo the brain damage that is religious mind control, and relearning life's rules again as a young teenager.
After these few years I started to get angrier and angrier, as I saw the mass corruption, the contradictions and blatant and obvious lies I had been told by so many pastors and fellow church goers. I admit i was mad at them at first then realized they were stuck in the same trap.
After these few years I started to get angrier and angrierHow can this god of theirs "love" you if he needs to know what you're thinking at all times? Why does he need to know? If he knows "everything" then surely he can give himself a break and just look at the outcomes of each day instead of every single detail. If he knew everything, this would mean he knows all outcomes, and therefore does not care for some kind of Orwellian brain surveillance apparatus he could use to spy on us. He already knows what's going to happen, he doesn't need to see what we're thinking.
And that's when I realized how horrible christianity has actually been since it's inception. It truly is an ancient mind control device. And all that is required for it's followers to have faith in it, is to tell it's followers that they'll be imprisoned in an underground place with never ending fire and torture and the stench of dead bodies if they denounce the christian faith. It is to get them to be so afraid of the pain and agony of hell so much that, they can never question the now very obvious contradictions in the christian Doctrine. Christianity is a religion that abuses and tortures it's believers. It rewards them with relief of the pain it causes them after the victim repents and bangs their head up against a wall for an hour. It is the weasley person's way out of trouble. "Just take the pain". "Just take a little more". These people are promised freedom if they somehow commit to some kind of burdening of their normal every day life. It is literally no different than living in a concentration camp, but as a Christian you live there in your mind.
I look at them and see how enslaved they are with this prototype MKUltra program otherwise known as religion. Specifically, christians are some of the most mentally ill people you could ever meet in my honest, truthful, humble opinion.
After having said all of this, I am not a nihilist, a satanist nor am I someone who does not believe in an afterlife. I think we do have souls. What happens after death though I guess will remain a mystery for now.
I simply became physically unable to engage in any further self-flogging. My emotions were shot, my body exhausted from all the constant gut wrenching choke-chaining from all the "apologizing" for thinking things, as if anyone can or has a right to read my thoughts, I had no ability to pose as a martyr with my hands nailed to something, thinking I had to "endure the pain" for christ, when I realized that Christ was supposedly the one who did it for me and that it was over?
But alas, even if you believe you don't have to jesus christ pose yourself into fatigue every day of your life for having sexual thoughts about some well endowed girl you saw down the street, the doctrine of "christ" will make you do it anyway.
It was in this moment, this uncontrollable plight of subservience, that I for the first time in my life experienced what real freedom was.. I was so completely paralyzed from the years of self-inflicted torment and anguish, that I could only concentrate on what I was physically feeling, as thinking I was wrong for not continuing would could have become full blown psychosis did nothing to me as I was unable to comply with God's commandments. I could no longer blame myself for the wrongs of the world, or the mistakes i made. All i knew in that moment is I have to calm down and rest, breaking every single one of what I thought was god's golden rules.
I ceased to berate myself by condemning my christian "underachievements" and layed down and went to bed. The dream I had was like any other dream, but this time I felt relaxed and at peace with myself. My thoughts were aloud to form into coherent visual and audio patterns and for the first time since I could remember being alive I felt at peace with myself.
All this going through my head as an 11 year old child. It took me awhile to finish the journey of my religious exodus, so years down the road I went constantly restructuring my thoughts, trying to undo the brain damage that is religious mind control, and relearning life's rules again as a young teenager.
After these few years I started to get angrier and angrier, as I saw the mass corruption, the contradictions and blatant and obvious lies I had been told by so many pastors and fellow church goers. I admit i was mad at them at first then realized they were stuck in the same trap.
After these few years I started to get angrier and angrierHow can this god of theirs "love" you if he needs to know what you're thinking at all times? Why does he need to know? If he knows "everything" then surely he can give himself a break and just look at the outcomes of each day instead of every single detail. If he knew everything, this would mean he knows all outcomes, and therefore does not care for some kind of Orwellian brain surveillance apparatus he could use to spy on us. He already knows what's going to happen, he doesn't need to see what we're thinking.
And that's when I realized how horrible christianity has actually been since it's inception. It truly is an ancient mind control device. And all that is required for it's followers to have faith in it, is to tell it's followers that they'll be imprisoned in an underground place with never ending fire and torture and the stench of dead bodies if they denounce the christian faith. It is to get them to be so afraid of the pain and agony of hell so much that, they can never question the now very obvious contradictions in the christian Doctrine. Christianity is a religion that abuses and tortures it's believers. It rewards them with relief of the pain it causes them after the victim repents and bangs their head up against a wall for an hour. It is the weasley person's way out of trouble. "Just take the pain". "Just take a little more". These people are promised freedom if they somehow commit to some kind of burdening of their normal every day life. It is literally no different than living in a concentration camp, but as a Christian you live there in your mind.
I look at them and see how enslaved they are with this prototype MKUltra program otherwise known as religion. Specifically, christians are some of the most mentally ill people you could ever meet in my honest, truthful, humble opinion.
After having said all of this, I am not a nihilist, a satanist nor am I someone who does not believe in an afterlife. I think we do have souls. What happens after death though I guess will remain a mystery for now.
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