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The Bible Is Boring!

By Carl S ~

Theology: “A system or school of opinions concerning God and religious questions.” The key word here is “opinions,” over which millions of human beings have been made to suffer and die. Opinions also can apply here to gods, devils, dogmas, and billions of those other fantasy “religious questions.”

Christian theology, as we know it, originates in the bible. Not only is the bible boring, but the people who keep flinging out “God” to justify shoving their God-opinions down our throats become boring, too. Televangelists and evangelical politicians (old white men), sell their God-products while rattling off selected pick-me-up bible verses. It's what snake-oil salesmen do. That wears thin very fast. Frankly, I've got things to do, to discover. New and fascinating facts keep coming up every day to learn, and they're all about this real universe. Mythology never held my attention for long. There's more truth in the daily weather report than in the bible; it's useful, too.

The bible's boring because it's full of gloom and doom, blood and gore, revenge and hatred, making slaves and selling them, and hatred of half the human race, women. Boring because it's full of ignorance, and multiple demands incompatable with daily life and nomal desires. The bible is an obsolete VCR tape b-movie.

These are bible- promoted “role models” for children: delusional patriarchal ranting prophets, the classic case of an abused-spouse, the prostrating Job, Joshua - whose troops raze a city and kill all its inhabitants. There's also Samson, whose haircut makes him a weakling, and Abraham of the lying tongue, who's willing to kill his son, as the original godfather asks him, for the “offer you can't refuse.”

The New Testament is no better. The gift of hell, the command to turn the other cheek, and lest we forget: you'd better damn well forgive, or else you'll go to hell. Oh, and carry a cross, daily, etc. What a bunch of wet-blanket joy killers this book is full of! And it uses fabricated “miracles” as “proof” of “divine authentication.” Where does that come from? Really people, get a life.

For pity's sake, how many times do we have to hear the same bible words about “God so loved” and “no greater love?” And aren't we bored to death with that “original sin” theory” begat by, and fermented in, the demented mind of Paul? Doesn't your mind go into a fog while reading Paul's letters, with his Jesus Christ this, Jesus Christ that, like listening to some deranged nut case drugged out on his own delusions? Not just boring, but insipid. I don't know about you, but I find this “good news” the most negative: constantly telling us that life here and now ain't worth shit, that the only life worth our attention comes after death and that's where it's really at. I asked myself about Paul's confessions of “Oh, but I was such a sinner!” Was he bragging or regretting? But by that time, I'm half asleep.

Why is the 23rd psalm the only one of 150 ever quoted? Maybe it's because most of them are the psalmist moaning and groaning about his troubles and asking for revenge? If you crave boring, try reading Leviticus or Numbers, the genealogies, including Jesus's. All those g.d.m'd begats! Who cares? “Inspired,” my ass. How far do you have to read into those ancient, mummified texts before you go nuts yourself, like the writers? And where in them can you find anything practical, like how to insulate your home from insects or make it leak-proof, or even a good pasta recipe, for example?

Is there anything more boring than continual bragging by Israelite tribes of their genocides, or their praising, afterwards, their deity for commanding them? It's claimed they didn't happen, that the writers created a false glorified history. This makes sense. They lacked civilization, like the ones Assyrians or Egyptians created, for example.

If people gave up on the bible, it probably began when they could read it, mass-produced, in their own language. Ordinary people could read the bible and ask, “Is that all there is? That's it? You call that inspired?” Before then, they just “believed” what their clergy said was in it. And the clergy have craftily made sure they avoid reading it intact since then. When people closed the book and looked around them at the real world, using the telescope and microscope (both opposed by clergy), they began to be liberated from the superstitious and demon-haunted interpretations of the world. Bible shrapnel is still under the skin of believers. Reality is the non-boring book of life. Science, far from being cold, hard facts, is warm, is hot, pliable, pulsing, an adventure and romance of discovery.

Is there anything more boring than continual bragging by Israelite tribes of their genocides, or their praising, afterwards, their deity for commanding them?The last century saw the decline of bible “heroes.” Blame Disney, Charlie Chaplin, sci-fi and the comic strips. Pinocchio's more interesting than Jesus, as is Dumbo. So is The Little Tramp. We can relate to them, we too have been made into asses like Pinocchio in Pleasureland and redeemed ourselves. We've learned to laugh at ourselves through the little tramp's activities. If we've gotten away from taking the bible seriously, blame the Jewish comedians, the people who wrote the original practical joke on all of us. Their God and biblical characters lacked a sense of humor, especially about themselves. That's yawningly pathetic. Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman etc., are fond replacements for biblical supermen.

Who needs the bible? After putting up with its thousands of years (still) of spreading ignorance it has to be thrown out. It's obsolete. Get rid of that thing of a child and grow up. When was the last time you really tasted what you're eating and drinking, or truly saw and touched the person you used to look at with love in your eyes? Contact someone at NASA and listen to the interest, even excitement, in a voice when you ask about the Pluto encounter or Earth warming. Don't let the bible worshiping joy killers ruin your appreciation of life because they “Believe and Hope” for a better one after they're dead and insist you accept their flavor of kool-aid. Subscribe to Discovery magazine for a start, and let that bible gather dust somewhere out of sight, just as it does in most households. It's sooo.. boring.