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No More Fear

By Colin ~

I live in England and since my late teens have been believing in Christ. I recently turned 61 now and I can see that I’ve been fooled. I am or have been angry with myself and with the preachers and the church.

I grew up around the Jesus "One Way" movement, including "Spree 73" with Billy Graham, Johnny Cash and Cliff Richard. I must say I am somewhat thankful that my whole heart and soul was not 100% into all this over all the intervening years, though for the last 18 years I have been a devoted believer.

I lost my mum recently. She had a real shit couple of years before she passed away with numerous medical conditions. In and out of hospitals constantly, though I regularly prayed for her to get better. My bigger, much larger concern was for mum to be saved. After all, wasn’t this God's will? However, all the praying never changed a thing, not in healing or in becoming saved.

Then after my mum's funeral I was attending the evening service at Gadebridge Baptist Church singing "What a friend we have in Jesus," hearing that God – for the millionth – time loves me. (Here was another hymn that said I was among the scoffers that nailed Jesus to the cross.) The sermon that Jesus/god wants my all my praise. I’m grieving the nightmare in my head is the person that really really loved me (my mum) is in some Hell because God didn’t see fit to save her.

I’ve tuned into Andrew Wommack and Joyce Meyer over the years. I have gone to KT Temple in Kennington in London and listened to the sermons there (Colin Dye) more exciting that a Baptist Church.

I’ve brought into this and couldn’t understand how Isaiah 53 could be anything other than the prophesy about Jesus,

Listened to Andrew Wommack talk about how you just need faith. Alarm bells started going off with him when he was in Scotland and said not only was his son raised from the dead but now his wife also.

Joyce Meyer very very convincing but a multi millionaire. Every week I go to my local baptist church thinking I wished we were more like KT Temple or the Joyce Meyer people. So, so glad I wasn’t in an environment like that because I'd a be hurting more than I am now.

John Loftus, thank you for asking if  I fear the hell in Allah's world.

This writing of mine isn’t great, as I’m still upset, angry, grieving the loss of  God and my mum. But I'm not currently living in fear. I’ve great friends in the Christian world, but dunno what I’m going to talk about with them now. Friends outside the church? Can’t really talk about how I feel about the Bible and Christians, the church, "the truth..."  Me and my thoughts are a complete mind scrabble. My new horizons are life nature, Richard Dawkins, the Jurassic coast of England, that people’s sexuality is okay, what ever it is. Most people are okay.

We all look after ourselves, but most do care for others beyond just themselves.


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