Skip to main content

The Biggest Joke Book on Earth

By Carl S ~

Back in the 1960's there was a popular TV series called Get Smart. The show was a spoof of James Bond-type counter-espionage. Agent 86, a.k.a. “Smart,” was played by Don Adams. I didn't see many episodes, but I do remember a gag he often repeated. When Smart reported to the head of his agency, he would sometimes say things like, “Would you believe there were 200 of them?” There would be a long pause, and then, “Would you believe 100? What about 75?”

Would you believe this report: a guy fed 5000 men with 5 loaves of bread and two fishes? Well, would you believe 50 loaves and 200 fishes? Would you believe 500 men, and no women and children? Didn't you believe me when I told you he also walked on water? Would you believe me if I said the lake was frozen? Would you believe a man lived to be 400 years old, and then he built a gigantic boat, when any 100 year old man would have trouble building a ship model? What else?

One commentator wrote about an atheist mother's experience reading Genesis to her little girl, when the girl burst out laughing; “A talking snake!” Now, that is funny. Wonder what language snakes speak: Hebrew? Greek? King James English? Did he talk with a lisp, like Daffy Duck? How did he pronounce those g's and w's? Would you believe a snake stood upright, when its whole skeleton screams “Crawl”?

Now, the entire book is filled with jokes. People tell you “God inspired” this ridiculous book. And here you thought “God” didn't have a sense of humor! How about a few hundred troops playing trumpets - would you believe those sounds knocked down stone walls 10 feet thick? O.K., would you believe 2 feet thick? Men floating up like balloons, through the clouds? Just remember what the Christian apologist Tertullian, who died 1800 years ago, said: “It is impossible for a man to come back from death; therefore, it must be true.” And: “It's certain because it's impossible.” Tosser!

It's astounding, just how gullible some people are.Now we have sci-fi. Back then, those gullible ignorant folk were entertained with inane stories projected larger-than-life, with their own Paul Bunyans and Supermen of the deserts. For example, the Egyptians have no records of a Moses ever being in Egypt, let alone a collection of all the bad stuff said to have happened to them, caused by a Hebrew god! If we laugh at scriptural silly, outrageous stories and claims, it's because they're laughable from the beginning to the end of time. They read like the tall stories of drunks, or men high on LSD. ( “Revelations”- they're definitely on hallucinogens.) Notice?

It's astounding, just how gullible some people are. If a salesman goes into a neighborhood and tries to sell insurance guaranteeing the purchaser will live healthily for a thousand years, not only would he find no takers, he'd be laughed out of the neighborhood. But if he puts on a black dress, hangs a cross around his neck, carries that gilt-edged book and is selling eternal life, you should treat him with respect?! Men who couldn't create toilet paper (something to really benefit humans), claim to be founts of wisdom and raise people from the dead, even one man so long-gone his body was rotting? Hilarious.

If you take outright lies, compound and embellish them, keep 'em coming one after the other until you get tons of them, you have created a giant joke book. Then you call it “tradition.” That's a good summation of “the Bible.” The Joke's on everyone who believes it. My mom would say, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” Don't get fooled in the first place; you can laugh out loud.

The lies pile up into the thousands in that Joke book. Some folks take them seriously! What would happen if those serious believers elected a man for president who lies like their book does?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Are You an Atheist Success Story?

By Avangelism Project ~ F acts don’t spread. Stories do. It’s how (good) marketing works, it’s how elections (unfortunately) are won and lost, and it’s how (all) religion spreads. Proselytization isn’t accomplished with better arguments. It’s accomplished with better stories and it’s time we atheists catch up. It’s not like atheists don’t love a good story. Head over to the atheist reddit and take a look if you don’t believe me. We’re all over stories painting religion in a bad light. Nothing wrong with that, but we ignore the value of a story or a testimonial when we’re dealing with Christians. We can’t be so proud to argue the semantics of whether atheism is a belief or deconversion is actually proselytization. When we become more interested in defining our terms than in affecting people, we’ve relegated ourselves to irrelevance preferring to be smug in our minority, but semantically correct, nonbelief. Results Determine Reality The thing is when we opt to bury our

So Just How Dumb Were Jesus’ Disciples? The Resurrection, Part VII.

By Robert Conner ~ T he first mention of Jesus’ resurrection comes from a letter written by Paul of Tarsus. Paul appears to have had no interest whatsoever in the “historical” Jesus: “even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, we know him so no longer.” ( 2 Corinthians 5:16 ) Paul’s surviving letters never once mention any of Jesus’ many exorcisms and healings, the raising of Lazarus, or Jesus’ virgin birth, and barely allude to Jesus’ teaching. For Paul, Jesus only gets interesting after he’s dead, but even here Paul’s attention to detail is sketchy at best. For instance, Paul says Jesus “was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures” ( 1 Corinthians 15:4 ), but there are no scriptures that foretell the Jewish Messiah would at long last appear only to die at the hands of Gentiles, much less that the Messiah would then be raised from the dead after three days. After his miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus—an event Paul never mentions in his lette

Christian TV presenter reads out Star Wars plot as story of salvation

An email prankster tricked the host of a Christian TV show into reading out the plots of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Star Wars in the belief they were stories of personal salvation. The unsuspecting host read out most of the opening rap to The Fresh Prince, a 1990s US sitcom starring Will Smith , apparently unaware that it was not a genuine testimony of faith. The prankster had slightly adapted the lyrics but the references to a misspent youth playing basketball in West Philadelphia would have been instantly familiar to most viewers. The lines read out by the DJ included: "One day a couple of guys who were up to no good starting making trouble in my living area. I ended up getting into a fight, which terrified my mother." The presenter on Genesis TV , a British Christian channel, eventually realised that he was being pranked and cut the story short – only to move on to another spoof email based on the plot of the Star Wars films. It began: &quo

ACTS OF GOD

By David Andrew Dugle ~   S ettle down now children, here's the story from the Book of David called The Parable of the Bent Cross. In the land Southeast of Eden –  Eden, Minnesota that is – between two rivers called the Big Miami and the Little Miami, in the name of Saint Gertrude there was once built a church. Here next to it was also built a fine parochial school. The congregation thrived and after a multitude of years, a new, bigger church was erected, well made with clean straight lines and a high steeple topped with a tall, thin cross of gold. The faithful felt proud, but now very low was their money. Their Sunday offerings and school fees did not suffice. Anon, they decided to raise money in an unclean way. One fine summer day the faithful erected tents in the chariot lot between the two buildings. In the tents they set up all manner of games – ring toss, bingo, little mechanical racing horses and roulette wheels – then all who lived in the land between the two rivers we

Morality is not a Good Argument for Christianity

By austinrohm ~ I wrote this article as I was deconverting in my own head: I never talked with anyone about it, but it was a letter I wrote as if I was writing to all the Christians in my life who constantly brought up how morality was the best argument for Christianity. No Christian has read this so far, but it is written from the point of view of a frustrated closeted atheist whose only outlet was organizing his thoughts on the keyboard. A common phrase used with non-Christians is: “Well without God, there isn’t a foundation of morality. If God is not real, then you could go around killing and raping.” There are a few things which must be addressed. 1. Show me objective morality. Define it and show me an example. Different Christians have different moral standards depending on how they interpret the Bible. Often times, they will just find what they believe, then go back into scripture and find a way to validate it. Conversely, many feel a particular action is not

Why I left the Canadian Reformed Church

By Chuck Eelhart ~ I was born into a believing family. The denomination is called Canadian Reformed Church . It is a Dutch Calvinistic Christian Church. My parents were Dutch immigrants to Canada in 1951. They had come from two slightly differing factions of the same Reformed faith in the Netherlands . Arriving unmarried in Canada they joined the slightly more conservative of the factions. It was a small group at first. Being far from Holland and strangers in a new country these young families found a strong bonding point in their church. Deutsch: Heidelberger Katechismus, Druck 1563 (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) I was born in 1955 the third of eventually 9 children. We lived in a small southern Ontario farming community of Fergus. Being young conservative and industrious the community of immigrants prospered. While they did mix and work in the community almost all of the social bonding was within the church group. Being of the first generation born here we had a foot in two