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Creator? Maybe. God of the Bible? Don't think so.

By Anushka ~

Hello. I am originally from India. I grew up in a Gulf country. I came to England when I was 16. Now I am 28. I was a Christian all my life. My church in England taught me that according to the Bible God will guide you, tell you what is going to happen in the future and offer you protection from physical harm. All you have to do is read the bible verses according to your need and that need will be fulfilled. Even Joyce Meyer teaches this. I can confirm that there are bible verses according to all such needs. I have read them a lot of times every day. Okay, no one harmed me physically. But, God did not guide me nor did he warn me about the future. You have no idea how much Bible I read everyday.

The more I went to church, the more I listened to Joyce Meyer, the more I read the bible, the more I talked to my crazy Christian friend over the phone about God and my choices, the more messed up I became. I didn't go into drugs or alcohol or sex. But, I felt sorry for the wrong people and helped them emotionally over years. Did they get fixed? No. They are still Christians. They were just using me to moan and not do anything about their problems.

My mum was one of them. She used and still does use fear of god and bible verses to try and scare me into obedience.

I started doubting the Bible a few months ago.

Question 1: Pastors do heal people physically nowadays. But, not every single person gets healed physically after pastors pray for them. Why?

Question 2: A lot of the pastors that speak say that their message is guided by the Holy Spirit, God wanted them to give that exact message, those exact bible verses on that specific day. Where is this God when girls are getting raped? Why don't the Holy Spirit tell these pastors about what is going to happen to these girls? So, rapes can be avoided if pastors get warning from God.

God doesn't tell pastors about bomb blasts. The God who guides pastors about the message they have to speak in front of an audience doesn't tell the pastor,t "There is going to be a bomb blast in this place. Inform the police." Why? So, doesn't that mean the pastors are lying or they just have been conditioned to believe that whatever they feel like preaching is coming from the Holy Spirit?

I live with my parents. They are still Christians. My brother is not a Christian. Every Saturday evening, 2 Christian (one of them Pentecostal) families come to my house for a prayer meeting. The Pentecostal guy preaches every Saturday and most days, he says that the Holy Spirit wanted him to speak about a particular passage. I used to believe that.

But, his sister's husband fell from a building and had brain injuries and broke his bones. Why didn't God warn either the sister's husband or this guy who preaches in my house about the accident? Doesn't God care?

I stopped praying. But, that fear of hell is not going away. A small part of me still believes God will put me in hell because I stopped believing in Jesus and the Bible.

I still believe in a God, in a creator. But, it might not be the creator described in the Bible.