Losing My Religion
By Jennifer ~
I just recently had a complete mind shift with regards to God and Religion and Heaven and Hell and eternal life... everything I guess. It was like something just 'snapped' inside my brain. Suddenly I just saw it all completely different.
Image by COCOMARIPOSA via FlickrAt first I was kind of blown away at such a massive revelation, I mean, talk about shaking someone at their very foundation of who they are (or who they thought they were).
I instantly had this hunger to find out if others were in this situation, and sure enough, there were.
But that only sustained me for about a week... now I have been stuck in this sort of stage where I can't stop thinking of how much this is going to change. I know there will be friends and family who will shun me if I tell them the truth. It truly is comparable (I assume) to a gay person coming out of the closet. You cannot predict the ramifications and the thought of that alone is driving me insane. I KNOW first hand how atheists are thought of and treated because I used to be one of those people! Talk about hypocrisy. My God loved everyone except atheists (seriously, this is how I was raised).
At this point, I have nearly completely isolated myself (at the expense of my husband and children) out of this irrational fear? Please tell me this will pass and that I will be able to come to full terms with it because I know my retreat can't be healthy. I know I am not the person I can be and want to be... but I just feel stuck right now.
I am hoping that losing my religion is comparable with the stages of grief and that eventually, in my own time, I can move forward.
I have never in my life experienced depression and honestly used to think most people used it as an excuse of sorts but now of course I am understanding what it's like to get into a mindset and not be able to just 'snap out of it'. That of course compounds feelings of guilt I have for not having the empathy certain people in my past needed and I could not give it to them because I didn't understand.
I have never felt so alone in my life and obviously the ones I would have normally turned to in the past for support and guidance are the very ones who molded my religious delusions in the first place.
I want to be true to myself. No more pretending. I'm just not sure how to take the first step.
I just recently had a complete mind shift with regards to God and Religion and Heaven and Hell and eternal life... everything I guess. It was like something just 'snapped' inside my brain. Suddenly I just saw it all completely different.
Image by COCOMARIPOSA via FlickrI instantly had this hunger to find out if others were in this situation, and sure enough, there were.
But that only sustained me for about a week... now I have been stuck in this sort of stage where I can't stop thinking of how much this is going to change. I know there will be friends and family who will shun me if I tell them the truth. It truly is comparable (I assume) to a gay person coming out of the closet. You cannot predict the ramifications and the thought of that alone is driving me insane. I KNOW first hand how atheists are thought of and treated because I used to be one of those people! Talk about hypocrisy. My God loved everyone except atheists (seriously, this is how I was raised).
At this point, I have nearly completely isolated myself (at the expense of my husband and children) out of this irrational fear? Please tell me this will pass and that I will be able to come to full terms with it because I know my retreat can't be healthy. I know I am not the person I can be and want to be... but I just feel stuck right now.
I am hoping that losing my religion is comparable with the stages of grief and that eventually, in my own time, I can move forward.
I have never in my life experienced depression and honestly used to think most people used it as an excuse of sorts but now of course I am understanding what it's like to get into a mindset and not be able to just 'snap out of it'. That of course compounds feelings of guilt I have for not having the empathy certain people in my past needed and I could not give it to them because I didn't understand.
I have never felt so alone in my life and obviously the ones I would have normally turned to in the past for support and guidance are the very ones who molded my religious delusions in the first place.
I want to be true to myself. No more pretending. I'm just not sure how to take the first step.
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