By Eveningmeadows ~ I left religion almost twenty years ago. This was my final test: When I first left (I decided when I was sitting out in my screen house), I would ask god to send me someone to talk to about my questions and doubts. It was an easy walk, they could park on the side of the road, and walk down the hill to the screen house. We have a wooded area that is very park like, and the screen house is there. I would be able to see them coming down the hill while sitting in the screen house. So I prayed that prayer for three years, every summer sitting in my screen house. At that point I had enough doubts that I didn't really think anyone would show up, but it would be nice. God would send them a message, you know like, it was laid upon my heart, the Lord was speaking to me, He told me to stop here that I had a message for you the usual. I didn't worry that this person couldn't find me or my house, because people talk about these great miracles god showed them...

By Eveningmeadows ~ T he other day my daughter was telling me about a friend’s birthday party that she went to. While she was there, she was talking to her friend’s mother. I used to be friends with this woman when my daughter was young, but I just couldn’t take her anymore. I met her when we both had our kids in Xtian School. It was a very small Xtian school, and our oldest daughters were in the same kindergarten class. It was a lousy school, but that’s a different story. She was pregnant with her third, and I was separated from my ex for the last time. She seemed to be a nice person, and since I was separated, I didn’t feel too welcome by the nice married women in the church. I went to her house for coffee one day, and the first thing that hit me when I walked in the door, was the smell of manure. Her husband worked on a dairy farm , and it never seemed to dawn on him to change his clothes before he sat on the furniture. It was a very strong smell, but I didn’t want to be rude ...

By Eveningmeadows ~ (I haven’t been on the site for a while, this is kind of an explanation, and just a few of my thoughts.) I t’s been one hell of a summer. It all started with “The Tornado” in June. Image by aeFusion via Flickr We don’t get tornados here in the Northeast, and yet we did. The last one was back in ’53. That was 60 years ago. That was a generation ago. Another generation, and another tornado. I didn’t take the warnings or watches seriously. Now I do. These things seem to hide in severe thunderstorms, so now I dread hearing about upcoming storms. The storm went through a part of our town, and missed our neighborhood by only a couple of miles, if even that. Back in the day, I would have praised the blessings of the lord for sparing us from the path of the tornado. But what about all those who were in the path of it? Did they not deserve sparing also? Four people lost their lives that day. They woke up and thought this day would be like any other, only to have it ...

By eveningmeadows ~ Y ears ago when I was still at church, the pastor was thinking of adding a big addition. No one knew he was thinking about this at the time. He began grooming young couples in the church to take on leadership roles. One Easter, one of the young men was teaching Sunday morning bible study before Easter. A few things brought this story to mind. One was a comment by some of the posters on this site that the writers of the bible seemed to be preoccupied with women’s biological functions. Then Easter came along, and I remembered this guy and his Sunday school class. He did the usual boring study on the easter story, how jesus died on the cross, how he was nailed and suffered for our sins. He brought up the bible verse, Isaiah 64:6, that our righteous acts are like filthy rags. He went on to explain that “filthy rags” were menstrual rags that women used for their monthly periods. I had never heard that before, and it stayed in my mind. I, of course, have grown up ...

By eveningmeadows ~  R ecently I heard a couple from my former church were getting divorced . I was quite surprised, since they were considered very spiritual. The wife was in charge of Women’s Ministries when I was at the church. I heard they had left that church and joined another one. I certainly don’t know the reasons that might have led to their separation. But the wife made a comment a while back that might be a clue. Image by ctbarna via Flickr We all know that “keeping oneself pure until marriage” is the mantra of the xtian church. It’s supposed to prevent all those problems that those in “secular” marriages have that lead to divorce. The wife told us at one time that she and her then boyfriend had had sex before marriage. She was very bitter and angry, still, after 15 or more years of marriage. They hadn’t waited until their wedding night . She then made the comment that no one seems to understand how upsetting this is for her, and how it still affects her. I remember...

By Eveningmeadows ~ I had quite a revelation today. Image by alison e dunn via Flickr This young man that is close to the family has been telling us that he’s had Jehovah’s Witnesses coming around visiting him. He’s let them in to talk to them. He told me today that he’s seriously thinking of becoming one himself. He’s trying to find a replacement for a lifestyle of partying. Back in my religious days I would believe that if he became a born-againer, that god would turn his life around. Not much happened for me, but heck, maybe it would work for someone else. He said that he believed that all religions were basically cults in one way or another. I agreed with that statement. But he was disappointed when we told him that we didn’t think becoming a J.W. was a good idea. He thought that we would be happy that he wanted to change his life, and not hang around with people who were drinking. In his case it’s sad, because he doesn’t know what to fill his life with, or how to meet peo...

By eveningmeadows -- No god, No peace Know god, Know peace I saw this saying on the t-shirt of one of the youth leaders in my last church. Image by cwalker71 via Flickr It certainly was catchy and got my attention. At the time I thought it was right on and had a message that was pretty straightforward in a catchy play on words. I thought that believing and following god was the way to attain peace of mind. Strange thing, I never really had that peace. A few weeks ago the slogan came to mind again. I started playing around with it, and came up with this one: Know god, No peace. No god, Know peace. I couldn’t believe how it just put everything in place. As an Xtian, I was always worrying about trying to please god. What about those people that god had brought into my life to witness to? Were they going to hell because I had failed or was too embarrassed to find some way to tell them hey, by the way you’re going to hell and need Jesus as your savior? Yeah, that was always dif...

By eveningmeadows -- D id you ever have any of those jar dropping moments? You know, when someone says or does something that is just so bizarre you can remember everything like it’s a snapshot. Image by Rob Beyer via Flickr Where you were standing, the surrounding area, even clothes you were wearing. I’ll start out with one that still is unbelievable even when I think about it now. I was giving my daughter a birthday party, and the moms were dropping their kids off. One woman showed up that I was beginning to realize lied about quite a few things. Everything she said was probably a lie. She shows up and tells me her daughter got a modeling job in Texas . She had also said her daughter was on a TV show , which was a lie. The daughter was pretty, so I figured it could be true. I must have been going on too much about her daughter, because the next thing she says is that she’s going to be doing some modeling. Someone she knows wants her to model . She’s this forty something woman s...

By eveningmeadows -- I come and go on this site. It's been a great healing experience. Sometimes I have to just go off and think about all the stuff the articles have brought to mind. I have to sort through them, bring up the memories, analize the questions and thoughts that have been brought up. Image by Eddi 07 via Flickr I'm glad that I've found this place. I've grown alot in my unbelief. There are so many people, with so many strengths. There stories are so much like my own. Many people have the knowledge about the so called truth of the bible, that I never would have had the patience to research myself. I love when the "trolls" come on board, and the debates that go on back and forth, until the "troll" slinks away, tail between their legs. The humor is great. Laughing at the antics of who we used to be is quite healing also. I was so young when I was brainwashed, totally confused as to who I was, and struggling with low self esteem and ...

By eveningmeadows -- "You can believe what you want to about the bible, but THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH"! Image by Carmyarmyofme via Flickr T hat was the beginning of the end for this relationship with a xtian that I had met again after leaving the church. I felt many emotions at reading such a simple sentence that would have made perfect sense to me in my "born again" days. But this time the statement sparked different emotions. First was anger. How dare this person think that SHE possesses the only truth! How dare she judge me and consider me a non follower of truth just because my truth isn't hers? And why does she think she has the right to elevate herself to the point of some kind of all-knowing being? But of course I knew why, because the next emotion was how sad to think like that. I understood the years of brainwashing that gives people the feeling that their truth is THE TRUTH. Once I realized why she believed as she did, I didn't feel like such a l...

By eveningmeadows -- I was thinking about spiritual gifts . When I was in church I would wonder about this and other issues, but never had anyone to have an honest discussion with. Just those blank looks. I was wondering if anyone else ever had any questions about spiritual gifts. Image by utt73 via Flickr I was so excited when I first became a xtian and heard that god gave us these great gifts to allow us to serve in his church and do his will. I was waiting to see what would happen. I used to love to take those spiritual gift tests. I went to many spiritual gifts classes with these books explaining what all the gifts were, and then there was this great test in the book for us to take that would help us in figuring out this great mystery! Yes, I've always loved tests, especially personality tests ! What will I learn about myself, what great secrets will I discover, what does god have planned for me! So I would eagerly take these tests. Naturally I took many over the years....