By Neal Stone ~ S o, you finally got to where you realized what you believed all these years has turned out to be nothing more than man made crap. You have decided to take the big leap and finally set yourself free and leave religion. Now what? What do you do now? How do you deal with this sudden change? Let me throw you some pointers that helped me and a few that I wish I had tried when I made that big leap. 1. Be Angry, Don’t Be Angry Wait what? You will feel a strong loss and realization of all that you have missed out on because of religion. You sacrificed so much for something that didn’t even work; you missed out on living and exploring life around you because you spent all your time at church doing the pastor’s…er…ahem…God’s will. You will be angry, you will be pissed and the desire to lash out and let everyone know how disappointed and upset you are about your realization will be strong. Be angry, process those feelings, and work through it. Feel the loss of what you mi...

By Neal Stone ~ F rom about age 12 to around age 33, I attended church. I attended a strict Baptist church that focused a lot on “Soul Winning”, as in going door-to-door annoying… ahem… sharing your faith with others who were so eager and overjoyed to open that door at 7pm, while you were in the middle of not being annoyed, and seeing those wonderful suit clad strangely happy guys with Bible in hand or New Testaments conveniently hidden in an attempt to hide the reason you were there… poorly. They often have no time to jump around the issue and dive right into why they are there. When I did the door knocking stint, I was surprised at how many pretended to get “saved” just to get these guys off their porch. It was obvious, at least to me, but not to the guy who ran back and bragged how he got one. In fact, not many had much success each time we got back and reported in our results. Most of the time the results were exaggerated followed by a lot of patting on the back. Often one is ...

By Neal Stone ~ I t has been years since I've posted here. A huge upset about my atheism caused me to panic (I was in an awful place then) and then I soon faced divorce in 2012, which was completed in 2013. It all fell apart, but I then found myself in Mississippi (of all places) visiting my dad. My dad made me an offer to come down and live in Mississippi with him. Mississippi is a very religious state though the coast, where I live, is a lot more relaxed. But that is another story. This story is about how I saw some of my Christian friends for who they were vs who I thought they were. I had some friends who came over weekly to hang out. They played D&D RPG style games (praise Jesus) even though they all attended church. I eventually got bored with it and would pop in time to time during their visit but would sit in my office…writing you guys. My ex-wife was the queen of playing victim and often wore a hat that said, "SUPER BITCH" and was quite proud of it. Lit...

By Allen Baine ~ H ell, it is me again. Allen Baine the double agent. As I posted a while back I was with an extremely religious girlfriend. It was difficult as I ended up in church unable to swallow anything they taught. Feeling so phone and fake. But now things have changed. I have discovered this girl was totally crazy as well. PTSD , Bipolar and in denial and untreated about the latter. She also has extreme anxiety. It all started slowly really, my realization that this was a bad relationship. When I met her I was in a real bad place. That place is another blog in itself. She came into my life when I was hurting and vulnerable and needing support. She got into my head. Her fear and anxiety turned into controlling and isolating me. Saying stuff about family members and actually turning me against my own family. All the while praying and speaking in tongues and more extreme in her religion thaan most yet at the same time sending hateful angry e-mails to family ...

By Neal Stone ~ This blog is getting long so I am going to split this part into sections. C an you still feel it? That burning in your mind and the cinders smoldering in your heart? You feel the fear and frustration and know something is wrong. Your soul finds itself bound and hauled away to the prison of despair. Behind the bars of narrow mindedness and in the cell, the prison of darkness called Fundamentalism . You think you understand fear and paranoia? Let me introduce you. Before we continue forward we must first go back. To understand the fear, paranoia and lack of self-value we must go back a little first and then go forward. As a toddler I lived in Olympia, WA on a road called Delphi Rd. The house we lived in was owned and built by a sick twisted individual named Dave, my mom's third husband. Dave's idea of punishing children (with his and mom's we totaled 7) was to have the guilty person(s) stand to the side and let them watch those who didn't...

By Neal Stone ~ As I get closer to filing divorce I find myself facing many battles...and winning. The counseling sessions have been good and after my second one my counselor asked if I wanted to continue. He asked in a way as if I didn't need too. We did find it wasn't low self-value hat was the problem, but currently as it was in the past. But rather now not seeing the value that was already there, But how does this happen? How does someone not have any self-value or not see their own value? That is part of what this blog is about. We will dive deeper into my personal lift story than ever before. As my counselor told me “Just because it started bad, doesn't mean it has to end that way!”. I kind of like that. Image by matthewvenn via Flickr Fire in the Mind Part 1 – Allen I t’s there; you can feel it, a slight burning in the back of your mind. Like a fire that won’t go out. The smoke chokes your soul and your heart is smothered in its ashes. The fire o...

By Neal Stone ~ S o here I am now. At one of those moments in life you hope to never go through. Divorce! Several days ago the wife and I talked and decided it was best to separate and move on. So far we haven’t done the official paper work as we are waiting for the next payday. I won’t go into the details as what lead to this. But we did agree to remain friends and am staying at the house in the spare bedroom until finances allow me to leave. Otherwise we are now starting to live more independently of each other. I also start counseling soon as well to finally try and resolve some things. But what is on my mind is how friends and family will react. I already know that my lack of belief in god will probably come up. Christians especially will point to that fact and place blame there as well. I can think of many divorces involving Christian couples and they were anything but peaceful. One such divorce got nasty and the part of the cause was the husband got took by so...

By Neal Stone ~ F irst off it has been mentioned by some of you that I've been missed. Sorry for being so quiet, just been a little busy this past year. I promise to try and write more in the near future. The following is an ideological idea of what a loving father would be. In reality I have yet to meet someone like this. But then this is what god is supposed to be and that is what this is about. Someone may try and put me on the spot by asking me if I am a father. No, I am not. But it doesn't take a lot to understand what a good father should be like. It's called common sense. So growing up I heard a lot about this loving father called god. So I sat down today and thought I would draw up what a real loving father should be like. Let's see if god fits the bill. First off a loving father is there from the very beginning and makes his presence known sometimes before the child is even born. He takes great care to see that the woman carrying the child ...

By Neal Stone ~ S o once again my family will have Christmas dinner. My oh so religious parents will be there as will others who also believe. So I have prepared a special holiday prayer. You can read it below. Image by Laenulfean via Flickr Why would I do this? To make a point. Because they always ask me to say the prayer and it pisses me off. REVENGE BABY! Hey, a guys gotta have some fun! Oh Lord, We come to you today and would like you to bless this food and our family here together. But then, why should you answer our prayers when there is so much more need in the world. The cripple down the street who would love to walk again, the amputee who lost his arms in the war who would love to be able to hug his children again. After all, it's not beyond your power to grow back his limbs as you do it with lizards and other amphibians all the time. Aren't we, your most precious creation, more important than a lizard? After all we just have to ask in your name a...

By Neal Stone ~ I t's been a while since you've all heard from me. Been doing ok, just haven't had the writing bug for a while. But I do plan to pick that up soon. It's been a busy year so have been distracted. I am thankful this holiday season to have all my friends here who support me. I also am hanging out now with more non-believers and it sure feels good. Well finally the truth about my no longer being a xian is getting out. My mom just called and questioned me, but i just sidestepped it for now. So I am looking for a little assistance from all my friends here. I know there will be questions and arguments that I will face. I'm no good at this stuff really accept when i have time to sit down and really think about it. But that won't be the case come Christmas when the family gets together. So what I want is if you guys can e-mail me the most common questions and arguments you guys have faced and how you answered them. I really want to shoo...

By Neal Stone ~ B efore I start I just want to mention that a few of my co-workers have complimented me on my new site . GOOD compliments at that. Made me feel good to hear them, too. Image by Per Vad via Flickr Since birth I have been legally blind in my right eye. Now don't go feeling sorry for me, as I live a normal life regardless and in fact tend to have fun with it. When the wife and I go somewhere, she drives. As we pull out onto a street she will often ask me if I see any cars coming. I usually give the same humorous response “No, I don't see anything.” She has since caught on and now just asks me to lean back so she can see for herself. After all, she's the one driving so the destination and the way the trip goes is really up to her. Just as when I go cycling , the destination and the trip is up to me. Of course, I do have to be a bit more cautious. I have driven before and often tell my passengers “Oh by the way... :-) “. I realized the other ...

By Neal Stone ~ S o on August 4th I had what I thought would be a routine visit with my cardiologist about my mitro-valve prolapse. Pardon my spelling, ain't no doctor. My heart has always been good and strong and even with this condition I was never in any danger of serious heart problems. Unless the heart chamber grew, then it would be surgery. On August 2nd just before my doctor appointment, I started having problems with my heart pounding, tightness in my chest and dizziness. I've had heart palpitations before, just not like this or this bad. So it scared me! I never had a heart attack, but sure felt I was having some serious problems. We decided to go to the ER to be safe. After a few hours I was released with no serious problems. I was never in any danger. NEVER GOOGLE SYMPTOMS, JUST CALL THE DAMN HOSPITAL! So on the 4th I see my doctor and he was concerned. He started talking about the possibility of surgery. But to be sure he wanted to do some tests a...

By Neal Stone -- S o here I am. Finally finding the courage to come out. Slowly, but surely. Not come out as gay, but as my current standing as an Agnostic-Atheist. It’s a slow process letting go of not believe in a deity. I have currently setup my web site and announced it on Facebook. In the site I tell my story and what I believe and where I am headed. And yes I talk a bit about computers too. Hey I’m a geek though I deny the existence of Steve Jobs. What happens next will be a long road. As I will have to explain to many what lead to this and why this route. I will get the usual questions and challenges from believers as well as the usual quotes about why they believe and what. What I am looking for now is two things. Visit my site and give me feed back. It’s still a work in progress so bare with me. But I am open to ideas and comments. I want to know what the most common arguments, questions, challenges and quotes you get from Christians and how to refute t...

By Neal Stone --  The Journey Within -- A Visit with Unca A fter a very teary goodbye to Aunt Kaye it was off to Alabama to visit Unca (uncle) Ron. Image by Dystopos via Flickr It was about a three hour trip and went well, other than a major rain storm greeting us once we hit Alabama. We finally arrived to Unca Ron's house and before we could hop out of the RV, Unca came out and greeted us. It was another awesome reunion with long lost family. After forty years I finally got to meet so many relatives -- some I didn't even know about. I really got to enjoy some goof times with Unca Ron as well. After all these years and all this looking, things finally were coming together. Read Part I of this story by clicking here . The first night there we sat and talked and got to know each other as family. My sister, Unca, and me finally together. Catching up, talking and sharing our lives that have been apart for so many years. It was awesome to connect. On the first ni...

By Neal Stone -- Been a while since I've posted. For those of you who have read my article The Voyage Hom e you know about me finding long lost family and the trip I planned to meet them. Here is Part 1 of the story. Part 1 – Journey of the Heart, a Voyage of the Soul Image by www.jhongdizon.com via Flickr E very journey we take starts with that one step. But to take that step requires a certain amount of courage. Courage to overcome the unknown as well as the known. All my life I have been on a quest, a search. Looking for my dad and his family. In the past few years I have found them all thanks to the help of my sister Darcy. But that was just the beginning of the journey. On May 14th, 2010 that journey continued to a trip across the USA . A journey of joy and sadness, of hope and fear, of expectations and the unexpected. On May 14th it was off at work at noon for Elaine, my wife, and I and then home to get the RV . Then off to my sister Darcy’s to pick her up...

By Neal Stone -- The time for my trip to see long lost family is coming soon. It all hinges on my wife's ability to get the time off and scheduling conflicts. I have posted a web site that has a small version of my story and will be used to blog about the trip once we are finally on our way: http://www.stonefamilyjourney.com . Image by david roessli via Flickr Dear Pastor and Fellow Christians When passed out tracts, you were there for me. When I preach “the word”, you were there for me. When I tithed, you were there for me. When I helped at the church, you were there for me. When I taught Sunday School, you were there for me. When I prayed in church, you were there for me. When I was “doing God's will”, you were there for me. When I was in your church services, you were there for me. When my teeth were bad, where were you? When my health went downhill, where were you? When I needed a good job, where were you? When I was sick and lonely, where we...

By Neal Stone -- S o there have been times in my life when things got real bad. I would hit an all time low sometimes. I would sit there all alone, praying and begging god for direction, guidance and help. I am going to go through a couple of these times with you. Image by simonella_virus via Flickr When I was a child I was abused by my step-father . I won't go into details but it left scares on me and my family. It was mostly mental abuse and at times very hurtful. When I was in private school I was always picked on my the PK (preachers kid). I never fit in and was often very lonely. I had Epilepsy and a learning disability on top of that. Then there were the seizures, looking for work, spending a night sleeping in a car, staying with family members when I had no place to go. My wife going through chemo for cancer treatment. The list goes on and on. In all these times I asked “Where was Jesus?” The answers I would get were: He was there beside you. He w...