Defend Yourself
By eveningmeadows --
Did you ever have any of those jar dropping moments? You know, when someone says or does something that is just so bizarre you can remember everything like it’s a snapshot.
Image by Rob Beyer via FlickrWhere you were standing, the surrounding area, even clothes you were wearing.
I’ll start out with one that still is unbelievable even when I think about it now. I was giving my daughter a birthday party, and the moms were dropping their kids off. One woman showed up that I was beginning to realize lied about quite a few things. Everything she said was probably a lie. She shows up and tells me her daughter got a modeling job in Texas. She had also said her daughter was on a TV show, which was a lie. The daughter was pretty, so I figured it could be true. I must have been going on too much about her daughter, because the next thing she says is that she’s going to be doing some modeling. Someone she knows wants her to model. She’s this forty something woman so I ask, “Oh is this for a catalog for older women, that would be nice.” She says she’s going to be modeling swimsuits. So again, I ask if it’s going to be for a catalog or something for women our age. She says no………… for Sports Illustrated Swim Suit edition!! That was one of those jaw dropping moments! I don’t think any guy is going to want to lust over some middle age woman who looks like his mother!
Oh, and of course, this woman was a Christian.
I remember having one of those moments in church. I noticed one Sunday morning the pastors daughter working on a cross stitch picture that I was going to make for my husband that I gave up on. So we had this discussion about what she was making, crafts, etc. Then service started, so I moved on. The next day, Monday, I was doing my job cleaning the church, when the pastors wife leaves the kitchen and pauses on the steps. I know exactly where I’m standing, because it’s like a snapshot. I’m by the literature table, straightening things. She pauses and without looking at me, says that her daughter would like to get to know me better but she’s going back to England to do her missionary work. It struck me because the daughter was in her late twenties. Couldn't she speak for herself? I was talking to her about 20 minutes, and I have nothing in common with her except the cross stitch picture. I said a few things and that was it. I guess I said a few things too many. I can see them sitting around the kitchen table, wringing their hands, worrying, wanting to make sure this undesirable woman doesn’t become a fixture in their lives. Maybe they didn’t. Maybe the mother was afraid of her daughter talking to people “like me”. I could expect this at work, or some school function, but in church? By the pastors wife? She was considered the spiritual goddess of the church. I think she knew no one would believe she would say such a thing. It was so unreal that I wonder to this day did the conversation really happen. If it didn’t why is it so clear in my mind? Is my mind just playing tricks on me?
Instead of getting angry and confronting her and saying what exactly are you trying to say, I’m not good enough for your family or what? Maybe even swearing at her, I just stood there. She made her statement, and continued down the stairs and out the door. She probably doesn’t even remember saying what she did, and the affect it had on me. This was church, the Christian family, we all loved each other, we were all equal. I guess not.
The problem is that things like that play over and over in my head in a kind of continuous loop. Not all the time, just when something happens that brings it to mind. I believe if I had allowed myself to get angry and defend myself, confront her, I wouldn’t be on this loop. I should have said this or that. Even when I mentioned it the few times I did, I get the statement that xtians aren’t perfect. I would like to have the chance to go right up to her face and defend my worth as a person. What is she basing her judgment on? Would she say that to anyone who talked to her daughter, or just “someone like me”, whatever that might be.
I find writing to be cleansing; it puts alot of things to rest.
It’s important to demand respect, even in church.
Did you ever have any of those jar dropping moments? You know, when someone says or does something that is just so bizarre you can remember everything like it’s a snapshot.
Image by Rob Beyer via FlickrI’ll start out with one that still is unbelievable even when I think about it now. I was giving my daughter a birthday party, and the moms were dropping their kids off. One woman showed up that I was beginning to realize lied about quite a few things. Everything she said was probably a lie. She shows up and tells me her daughter got a modeling job in Texas. She had also said her daughter was on a TV show, which was a lie. The daughter was pretty, so I figured it could be true. I must have been going on too much about her daughter, because the next thing she says is that she’s going to be doing some modeling. Someone she knows wants her to model. She’s this forty something woman so I ask, “Oh is this for a catalog for older women, that would be nice.” She says she’s going to be modeling swimsuits. So again, I ask if it’s going to be for a catalog or something for women our age. She says no………… for Sports Illustrated Swim Suit edition!! That was one of those jaw dropping moments! I don’t think any guy is going to want to lust over some middle age woman who looks like his mother!
Oh, and of course, this woman was a Christian.
I remember having one of those moments in church. I noticed one Sunday morning the pastors daughter working on a cross stitch picture that I was going to make for my husband that I gave up on. So we had this discussion about what she was making, crafts, etc. Then service started, so I moved on. The next day, Monday, I was doing my job cleaning the church, when the pastors wife leaves the kitchen and pauses on the steps. I know exactly where I’m standing, because it’s like a snapshot. I’m by the literature table, straightening things. She pauses and without looking at me, says that her daughter would like to get to know me better but she’s going back to England to do her missionary work. It struck me because the daughter was in her late twenties. Couldn't she speak for herself? I was talking to her about 20 minutes, and I have nothing in common with her except the cross stitch picture. I said a few things and that was it. I guess I said a few things too many. I can see them sitting around the kitchen table, wringing their hands, worrying, wanting to make sure this undesirable woman doesn’t become a fixture in their lives. Maybe they didn’t. Maybe the mother was afraid of her daughter talking to people “like me”. I could expect this at work, or some school function, but in church? By the pastors wife? She was considered the spiritual goddess of the church. I think she knew no one would believe she would say such a thing. It was so unreal that I wonder to this day did the conversation really happen. If it didn’t why is it so clear in my mind? Is my mind just playing tricks on me?
Instead of getting angry and confronting her and saying what exactly are you trying to say, I’m not good enough for your family or what? Maybe even swearing at her, I just stood there. She made her statement, and continued down the stairs and out the door. She probably doesn’t even remember saying what she did, and the affect it had on me. This was church, the Christian family, we all loved each other, we were all equal. I guess not.
The problem is that things like that play over and over in my head in a kind of continuous loop. Not all the time, just when something happens that brings it to mind. I believe if I had allowed myself to get angry and defend myself, confront her, I wouldn’t be on this loop. I should have said this or that. Even when I mentioned it the few times I did, I get the statement that xtians aren’t perfect. I would like to have the chance to go right up to her face and defend my worth as a person. What is she basing her judgment on? Would she say that to anyone who talked to her daughter, or just “someone like me”, whatever that might be.
I find writing to be cleansing; it puts alot of things to rest.
It’s important to demand respect, even in church.
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