How I lost my faith.
By Alan ~
My loss of faith came quite early in life, by comparison to many others I have known. It all happened, surprisingly, when I made the determined decision to fully read the Bible. Haing learned about Adam and Eve, Moses, Jesus, etc.. by word of mouth, like all Christian children, I wondered how such a short series of stories filled out such a big book. It was natural to be curious about God and all of his "goodness" in history. What I got, instead, has a series of stories I would have believed true of Hitler, not God.
After reading these things I felt, literally, physically ill. I was'nt able to eat for nearly 2 days, and my dreams began to evolve into nightmares (some of which persist to this day) of the worst sort. And after a week of tormenting myself, attempting to rationalize, and even trying to convince myself that the undiluted evil I had just read about was, in fact, good.
But it wouldnt take. I would never, NEVER, profess love for a child murderer, be it God, or even my own brother. And to read about the indiscriminate murder or so many innocent children by this monstrous God didnt help me at all. Still, I decided to read the Bible in full, hopng I could puzzle out why God would do this.
Instead of comfort, I felt only dread. I began to believe that Satan had written the Bible, fooling me into believing in H(is)I(nfernal)M(ajesty).
However, I had a very good friend who pointer out the various inconsistencies and contradictions in the Bible.
That night, I doused my copy of the King James version with lighter fluid and burned it in the barbecue pit I had built out back of my house. As the flames consumed the book I started to feel first fear, then a strange sort of calm. When nothing remained but ash, I decided that the fear was irrational, having lived with it for so long I came to realize it was the device that had kept me "faithful" for so long.
And these days, I feel justified in leaving the Church, witnessing the pedophile priests of the Catholics, and the hatemongers in the Baptist community. I have never become "born again" or feared retribution from God, but at the same time I gained a deep seated mistrust of all Christians, especially fundamentalists.
Today, by highest goal is to turn as many from this awful religion as I can, and if possible, witness the wholesale dismantling of every denomination of this demon worshiping cult.
After reading these things I felt, literally, physically ill. I was'nt able to eat for nearly 2 days, and my dreams began to evolve into nightmares (some of which persist to this day) of the worst sort. And after a week of tormenting myself, attempting to rationalize, and even trying to convince myself that the undiluted evil I had just read about was, in fact, good.
But it wouldnt take. I would never, NEVER, profess love for a child murderer, be it God, or even my own brother. And to read about the indiscriminate murder or so many innocent children by this monstrous God didnt help me at all. Still, I decided to read the Bible in full, hopng I could puzzle out why God would do this.
Instead of comfort, I felt only dread. I began to believe that Satan had written the Bible, fooling me into believing in H(is)I(nfernal)M(ajesty).
However, I had a very good friend who pointer out the various inconsistencies and contradictions in the Bible.
That night, I doused my copy of the King James version with lighter fluid and burned it in the barbecue pit I had built out back of my house. As the flames consumed the book I started to feel first fear, then a strange sort of calm. When nothing remained but ash, I decided that the fear was irrational, having lived with it for so long I came to realize it was the device that had kept me "faithful" for so long.
And these days, I feel justified in leaving the Church, witnessing the pedophile priests of the Catholics, and the hatemongers in the Baptist community. I have never become "born again" or feared retribution from God, but at the same time I gained a deep seated mistrust of all Christians, especially fundamentalists.
Today, by highest goal is to turn as many from this awful religion as I can, and if possible, witness the wholesale dismantling of every denomination of this demon worshiping cult.
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