Sent in by Gregory S I am not a Christian. Those words come from my mind (not yet from my lips) after forty-four years of serving Christ and his church with all of my heart. I gave my heart to Jesus when I was eleven, on Father's Day one hot June to honor my dad; I'm now fifty-five. It is a scary thing, this leaving the faith business. Perhaps some do so in disgust, anger, or despair, but for me, walking away was scary. It would have been much easier, in some respects, if I had been outed and ostracized. I'm an anime fan (google it), and one of my favorites is Fulmetal Alchemist. The main character is an atheist, as is his brother. In the first few episodes, he exposes a priest who is misleading a young girl into believing that he can bring her boyfriend back from the dead. After the priest is discredited, the girl asks Ed (the main character), "What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to make sense of life?" Ed's answer has brought me a lot of comfort ...

Sent in by Mark R To be a Christian, Don't ask questions that might jeopardize your faith. Do not accept logical answers. God is the only truth; anyone else is automatically a liar even before opening their mouths. Believe without question. Anything that deviates from your beliefs is an automatic lie. And finally, if someone asks you to prove your faith, do not ever give them a straight answer. This is what I faced over the years. I tried to ask questions about my faith and I never received a straight answer. I asked questions about creation and evolution and I was told that Creation was the truth and evolution was a lie. I was told that Christianity is the only path to God and that other religions are false. I attended a college "Christian" club. They had a guest speaker. He was talking about how evolution and these other religions were lies and that only Jesus was the truth. I dared to question where he got his facts. I engaged this person with many questions. I was ask...

sent in by Meranda The yelling, screaming. The illiterate leaders and pastors. Sexism, elitism, arrogance and pushing people to accept something while saying "it’s a choice". It’s a lie. I don’t know how much longer I can last. I don’t have a license, no job, so I cant begin to forge a way to independence and I’m 21. I’m going to college, however. I want to invest so much and want to have about 10,000 dollars in the bank by the time I'm ready to graduate (in two years). Anyone know how to do that? Anyway... With my mom I can often say no and she doesn’t force me. But my dad is one of those, unapologetically loud, no nonsense Caribbean guys who believe church is the best place you can be. He scares me. Since I was a child, I was always scared of him. As the only child of Caribbean immigrant Pentecostals, what choice did I have? I said no to my mom on going to church, and then dad came home as my mom was getting ready to leave. He sees her and asks why Im not with her, the...

Sent in by Jackie I have been visiting this website for about 2 years now and have made a few comments. I appreciate everyone's honesty here -- even when it's brutal. You guys have helped my husband and I become confident in who we are and what we don't believe. It's good to know that we aren't alone out there. I figured it's about time to put my anti-testimony and a couple of rants. So, here goes... I grew up in a spiritual didn't-really-know-what-we-believed atmosphere. In other words, we had no idea what being a Christian really was and didn't care. But we called ourselves Christians because... still don't know why. We started going to church when I was 17. At that time I was starting to dabble with smoking pot and having sex so my mom thought it would be good for me. It made me feel guilty enough that my senior year in high school I was a super holy-roller. I also became introduced to Master's Commission and felt that was what God ...

From Adam W Like many of you, I was raised an evangelical Christian along with my entire family. I went to church on Sundays, bible study on Wednesdays, church camp during the summer, you name it. But during all of that, there was some part of me that realized, on a very deep level, that a lot of it was just total b.s., especially the parts about "non-believers" going to hell. It is totally impossible to believe that your fellow brothers and sisters on this planet are going to hell and also be happy yourself at the same time. Happiness requires being able to sense the worth and goodness of every human being. Christianity, on the other hand, teaches people that they are worthless sinners. It is a despicable religion that we should do away with. Has anybody else noticed that Chrisitians are by far the most neurotic people in society? Although I am no longer religious, I consider myself to be very spiritual. Have you guys read the works of Joseph Campbell , where he ident...

Sent in by Ted My story is typical of everyone else. I was raised in a fundy home. My father, who thinks he can sing, would occasionally torture, I mean sing for the church. He would have my siblings and I sit before him while he sang. This was an overt display to his "Christian friends" that he was a "godly family man." My parents were number one first class hypocrites. Jesus says to give to the poor, but when my folks see a homeless person begging they turn their nose up at them saying, "The reason that they are poor is because they are lazy." The final nail in the Christian coffin was when my older and favorite brother came out of the closet and said he was gay. My parents have been trying for years to "correct and to save him." I finally left Christianity when I started attending college, where I was exposed to a wide variety of people. Anyway, last Thanksgiving my wife and I were planning a secular, non-religious dinner. Instead of praying ...

Sent in by A Bit Lonely I'm the only child of Christian Parents. I was born into it. From a very early age I attended church, had a children's bible, children's devotional books. All through my childhood I believed in Jesus. I believed in his love for me and felt he had picked me personally as one of the chosen saved. I felt honored and grateful. I would get choked up thinking about how some one could love me so much as to die on a cross for me. I was home-schooled along with a few other Christian friends, quite sheltered. I really thought I knew the truth, because that was all that was ever pumped into my head, over and over. I felt sure I knew things my secular neighbors and relatives did not. I prayed for them to know God. I'd wish I were in heaven all ready, so I wouldn't have to grow up and spend so much time on earth. I hardly gave hell a second thought. The only time in childhood I remember questioning whether Christianity was true, I was about sev...

Sent in by Tim B My childhood was a fairly typical one as far as growing up goes. My parents were hard working middle class folks who weren’t particularly religious. For a time, we did attend an Anglican church where I was able to dress up as a camel for the Christmas pageant or go to the annual church picnic for lots of candy and games. My parents told me that when I was confirmed into the church, I was old enough to decide for myself if I wanted to keep going or not. I looked forward to my Confirmation with glee, knowing I could finally sleep in on Sunday mornings and never go to stupid, boring church again. And that’s what I did. Then, a few years later, I went to University to study theater arts (I wanted to be a movie star at the time lol). When I got there I started to have a lot of fun doing drugs, dating girls and partying as hard as I could. One of my friends there was a Christian, and he enjoyed partying as much as I did. We became very good friends and ended up as room...

Sent in by Claire Do you miss yourself? When I hear a question such as this, I recoil in disappointment; I sigh with disgust. It is posed in such a way as if to assume that the person being asked about is no longer authentic, real, or are somehow empty. It's condescending, presumptuous and I find it downright rude. "Do you miss yourself?" has been asked of me in various forms since my journey outside the realm of religion and faith began, just over a year ago. Due to my lack of certainty (and the lack of evidence), I have officially de-converted from Christianity. Since then, questions have been raised about the validity of my reasoning and in turn, my very self. Don't you miss who you used to be? I am not surprised by these questions, knowing full well the world in which I used to live is constructed of persons who are taught to hold each other accountable for a myriad of things: actions, tastes in music, emotions, sexual preferences, interpretations of scripture... ...

Sent in by Shadowed One Ironically, I became a christian due to mental problems, which lead to a psychosis. I guess an ideal Christian is a eunuch (you remember those parts about them in the bible, don't you?), who had a lobotomy so he has no sinful wishes or blasphemous thoughts. Well, from that point of view year of taking neuroleptics was very useful. My doubts grew over time, but the moment,when I stopped considering myself a Christian was when I read about God killing 70,000 innocent people because David ordered a census of the people (1 Chronicles 21) . The book of Job is also pretty stupid. God has a bet with devil that no matter what happens Job will remain loyal to him. To check it out he lets devil kill all Job's slaves and children and "smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown." Another nice Christian story. Also,I was a member of Messianic community, where pastor was very serious about the "don't ignore the OT" stuf...

Sent in by Johnny I was sitting with my pastor at the seminary I was attending for development in Christianity program, and we were talking about one of the finer points in Calvinistic dogma, that being predestination. This was the moment, after 20 years of Christian living, that would instill the mustard seed of doubt into my mind, which would eventually lead to my leaving of Church, of the faith, and eventually any notion of God. I was raised in a Christian home, by Christian parents. I was taught all of the same teachings that every Christian has heard thousands upon thousands of times. I was pulled out of secular middle school to be home schooled with a Christian curriculum. I had science classes that taught against evolution. I had writing classes with exercises that were always Christianized in theme. I had math classes that had me adding and subtracting problems, with Bible verses on the sides of the page. I went to Church every Sunday. And youth group every Tuesday. And I had B...

Sent in by Melinda It has been a hard six months for me since the beginning of my questioning. I started college as a devout Christian, knowing the warnings of other Christians about the secularism of college and the dangers of the information I might receive in classes. After ending a ten month relationship in which my self confidence stooped to an all time low, and my life had been centered around the ex-significant other, I let go and moved towards some of my new friends in college who happened to have more open minds than I did. I became comfortable talking about topics I "should have" felt guilty about and listened to some of their opinions with interest. Not too long later, I met a guy through one of my friends and we hit it off. It was the first healthy relationship I had ever had, in which we were compatible with each other and both felt comfortable, like we had both finally found someone who fit us. The relationship started out wonderfully, until my parents fou...

Sent in by Angela Let me first start out by saying that I love Christianity. Many of my fondest memories as a child and some of my dearest relationships are based on this religion. But I am not a believer. There was a time when I struggled to reconcile my doubts about Jesus, the Bible and the Christian Church, but now I am able to completely accept the logic that used to nag me. Despite my evolution of thought, I have not completely expunged Christianity from my life, and I don't think I ever will. I now consider myself a cultural Christian. I feel free to partake in all religious rituals and holidays because Christianity is a part of my family history and culture. I don't skulk away or outwardly protest at family gatherings when a prayer is said, I just respectfully bow my head. I don't take any of it too seriously, it only means something if you let it. People who have strong beliefs about Christianity or Atheism may see this as a dire conflict to be resolved, but li...

Sent in by DK I was brought up as a fundamental, evangelical Christian - in fact, I am a missionary kid (MK) from Africa. But it took me 50 years to start seriously questioning anything that I had been taught. I had been brainwashed for so long and knew all the answers and comebacks, but they are is so full of holes - and it is so obvious now that I am an outsider looking back. This morning on the way to work I was listening to a book on tape, and they mentioned Mithra, who pre-dated Jesus by 600 years. He was born on December 25, had 12 disciples, was crucified, and rose again, and so many more similarities. Why haven't I ever heard of this before? This is almost PROOF that Christianity is not special - but just a clone of previous ancient pagan religions. This information has blown me away, and although I have already de-converted, I am totally horrified that this is not common knowledge with enough debate material to shoot down any Christian argument. Do you know if someone has ...

Sent in by Jay P I was raised in the Presbyterian Church and had a flawless attendance record – so many “Gold Stars”. Then, there were church camps, becoming a Deacon in my mid-twenties and finally teaching a Sunday school class, made up of mostly teen-age girls (what’s wrong with that picture?) After a divorce, I was very much an “outcast” in the eyes of my fellow Deacons and life-long church acquaintances. I simply moved out of my hometown and for the next 40-years (other than the 3-years I dated a Baptist minister’s daughter) I never attended a church. Not an atheist during those times, but just generally “not interested”. Two years ago, my son the doctor, came for a visit. This is the young man, who during his entire life, was raised as a Lutheran – attended a Lutheran college (among others) and during his visits during that period of his life, would constantly use such phrases as, “Praise the Lord” or maybe, “God Love Him/Her” - and others. It just drove me nuts! But on this ...

Sent in by Mike Z I have just recently come to my good senses concerning religion and god. Religion is horrible and there is no god. I was raised the first 18 years of my life in a United Pentecostal Church, and those were the most awful years of my life. I am gay and going to church three times a week, sitting there listening to how I was going to hell unless I changed my ways, was the most unbelievably horrible mind fuck anyone could receive. I was told that I was an abomination and a "stink in god's nostrils." The thing was, I knew I was gay and I prayed and prayed to be "delivered." I had preachers try to "cast out the homosexual demon." Nothing worked. Nothing I ever did at church ever changed the feelings I had when I left the building. After I got out of the South and moved on I knew I didn't prescribe to that brand of belief, but I thought I had to hold on to to some sort of belief. I remember visiting my older brother and him telling me ...

Sent in by John D For the past two years or so, I've experienced intense bouts of anger, hatred, and depression all wrapped together into one big nasty mix. Yes, I am an ex-christian. I know and am glad the most feared, sadistic, tyrant talked about so much in public circles is not a real being. I no longer have to worry about the things he might do to me if I dare to disobey him, and this was indeed a great relief for me just as much the time of my deconversion as it is for me today. Yet I still feel extreme bouts of rage and depression due to the fact now that I am an ex-christian, my family and relatives see me as an inferior person who needs to be "crushed." While I am no where close to being some kind of superstar prodigy, I've been a relatively responsible and motivated individual. Despite this, my family and relatives still treat me as if I am the lowest person on the planet. I am really starting to believe they want to kill me, not literally but psychologicall...

Sent in by Alan B As far as I can remember I have been asking questions. To set the scene, I am from the United Kingdom, which is a country whilst not free from religious conflicts is not as willing to show religion on its sleeve with the same pride that America does. Both my parents raised me, and both my parents are Church of Scotland Christians. They are not the hell and damnation type, which seems to be a recurring theme on these testimonials, but the quiet type. In fact, you can barely tell they are of any religious persuasion. And this is where the questions would come. How come my parents were not as 'angry' as other Christians? Why did my parents not go to the same church as my Catholic friends? etc... The problem is, when you get two separate groups of Christians who both "love" their "god," but don't go to the same church, it is very hard to explain this phenomenon to a child. But here comes a sticking point: My parents would not go to a Cathol...

Sent in by Debbie L Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I'm sad to be so far away from what I used to be. It's like missing home. I wouldn't ever want to live with my parents again, but hey, there was some really good stuff there, too. Now they look at me funny when I say I don't go to church. They look at me with sad eyes and remind me that they are praying for me. I'm sure they are, and sometimes it's hard for me to know my choices are breaking their hearts. But, I haven't chosen a life of crime. I've never hurt anyone willingly in my whole life. You'd think I was choosing to become part of the Taliban or something. They send me emails on the dangers of "THE CHURCH OF OPRAH" and how I should warn everyone that she is leading millions astray with her views. ...sigh... I love Oprah. I know it's cliche, but I love how she speaks her mind, no matter how dorky it sounds, and that she isn't afraid to look convention in the eye and roll her e...

Sent in by Ted Goas I hope my testimonial is short and sweet. I was raised by two educated, traditional parents in the New York metro area of the U.S. I was introduced to, schooled in, and eventually confirmed Lutheran. At no point was I ever enthusiastic about my religion or going to church. But like many others I took religious teachings at face value, went through the motions and believed what I read in the Bible. But then I went to graduate school, which turned out to be my turning point. There I learned to question things, filter out bad information, ask for proof, and basically ask “Says who?” During this time I watched a documentary and heard this quote from Michael Shermer : “Smart people come to revisit things they learned for not-smart reasons,” or something to that effect. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It made me realize that children can’t control how they’re raised. But we can re-evaluate what we were conditioned to think. After doing so, my story is prob...