Turn off the Light
Once I took off the mask and removed the veneer of Christianity during this second deconstruction, the world became a more scary, challenging, and indifferent place.
Within this deconstruction 2.0, because one deconstruction wasn't enough to wipe the slate clean, I lost my sense of specialness, my sense of being God's little raindrop, cascading on the earth below. I started to see myself first as one of the many humans who lived and died. I was no longer an actor in a cosmic drama; I was simply me, fated to exist on this pale blue dot in an unremarkable solar system, moving through the universe.
Sometimes I feel fear like a child who is instructed by their parents to sleep with the lights off because that's what big kids do. I wasn't ready, but eventually I got used to sleeping with the lights off.
Now, having deconstructed a second time, I am finally turning off the light of Christianity, and learning to sleep in the dark unknown of this short, brief, and only life I have.