The Biggest Joke Book on Earth

By Carl S ~

Back in the 1960's there was a popular TV series called “Get Smart.” The show was a spoof of James Bond-type counter-espionage. Agent 86, a.k.a. “Smart,” was played by Don Adams. I didn't see many episodes, but I do remember a gag he often repeated. When Smart reported to the head of his agency, he would sometimes say things like, “Would you believe there were 200 of them?” There would be a long pause, and then, “Would you believe 100? What about 75?”

Would you believe this report: a guy fed 5000 men with 5 loaves of bread and two fishes? Well, would you believe 50 loaves and 200 fishes? Would you believe 500 men, and no women and children? Didn't you believe me when I told you he also walked on water? Would you believe me if I said the lake was frozen? Would you believe a man lived to be 400 years old, and then he built a gigantic boat, when any 100 year old man would have trouble building a ship model? What else?

One commentator wrote about an atheist mother…

Five Reasons I Refuse to Be Godly

By Tina Rae Collins ~

Yes, you read the title correctly. And this shouldn't shock anyone who has read the Bible. I could give many reasons for my refusal to behave the way the god of the Bible behaves, but five should be enough.

(1) God promotes lying, and lies himself.

Ezekiel 14:9 states that if a prophet is deceived, God is the one who has deceived the prophet. In 2 Chronicles 18:21 we find an example of this. God sent a lying spirit into the mouths of all of King Ahab's prophets. God deliberately lied to his own prophets--because Ahab was king of Israel.

(2) God encourages theft by his followers.

In Exodus 3:22 God told his people to borrow silver, gold, and clothes from their Egyptian neighbors among whom they lived. Of course, there was never any intention of returning the items thus "borrowed." It was all an evil plot since the Israelites intended to run away with the expensive items.

(3) God murders and sanctions murder by his people.

Not having thought far enough in advance as to the outcome of his little Earth project, God decided one day that he was sorry he had created human beings. So he murdered nearly everyone, including animals, birds, and "creeping things" (Genesis 6:7). He made sure his servant Noah took bed bugs and roaches onto the ark though (Genesis 7:15). God didn't want to lose any of those "good" little creatures he had created (Genesis 1:25).

God told his people to murder as well. In Deuteronomy 7:1-2 he enjoined upon them the murder of seven nations of people. The Israelites were to "utterly destroy them" and show no mercy--not even on the babies or pregnant women. But killing other peoples wasn't enough for God. In Exodus 32:27 he told the Levites, his especially special people, to "slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour."

Numbers 31:17 tells us that God commanded the mass murder of "every male among the little ones, and . . . every woman who has known man by lying with him." So women who weren't virgins and baby boys were expendable. The next verse says: "But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves." God is always looking out for his faithful people--I mean, his faithful males.

God values a man's right to own slaves...Finally, Ezekiel 9:6 says to "Slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children, and women." Let those words sink in. When we hear about the death of a little child at the hands of a mad man, we recoil in shock and disgust. But, according to the Bible, such behavior is actually godly.

(4) God values a man's right to own slaves above marriage vows and family ties.

Exodus 21:4 speaks of a male slave's being able to gain his freedom from his master. However, if the slave had a wife and children, they were to remain behind. They belonged to the master, not the husband/father. God sees a master's property rights over his slave as being of greater significance than a man's right to his wife and his own children. So much for family values.

(5) God makes children pay for the sins of their fathers.

In Genesis 9:22-27 Ham, the father of Canaan, committed an offense against his father and, apparently, against God as well, and God cursed not Ham but Ham's son Canaan. In 2 Samuel 12:13 David sinned against God and God killed David's son.

Deuteronomy 23:2 states: "A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD." Ten generations. Can you imagine? If your great-great-great . . . grandfather was a bastard, you can't enter the congregation of the Lord. It doesn't matter how good you might be or how much you love God. You're cursed by God because of some man who lived 400 years earlier.

And for the coup de grâce, in Matthew 23:35 we see God raining down wrath on all the descendants of his faithful Abraham: "That upon you may come all the righteous blood shed upon the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel unto the blood of Zacharias son of Barachias, whom ye slew between the temple and the altar. 36 Verily I say unto you, All these things shall come upon this generation." Granted, these people may have been sinners themselves. But why should they pay for the sins of their fathers, particularly when God had declared he had stopped committing such a heinous crime against humanity (because people were talking behind his back about it) (Ezekiel 18:1-9)?

This list could go on and on, of course. You see, God doesn't have a high moral standard--certainly not high enough for me to want to emulate him! Therefore, I refuse to be godly. If you choose to follow God in his pernicious ways, that's up to you. But I hope you can understand why I won't be joining you. I simply can't stoop that low.

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