The Biggest Joke Book on Earth

By Carl S ~

Back in the 1960's there was a popular TV series called “Get Smart.” The show was a spoof of James Bond-type counter-espionage. Agent 86, a.k.a. “Smart,” was played by Don Adams. I didn't see many episodes, but I do remember a gag he often repeated. When Smart reported to the head of his agency, he would sometimes say things like, “Would you believe there were 200 of them?” There would be a long pause, and then, “Would you believe 100? What about 75?”

Would you believe this report: a guy fed 5000 men with 5 loaves of bread and two fishes? Well, would you believe 50 loaves and 200 fishes? Would you believe 500 men, and no women and children? Didn't you believe me when I told you he also walked on water? Would you believe me if I said the lake was frozen? Would you believe a man lived to be 400 years old, and then he built a gigantic boat, when any 100 year old man would have trouble building a ship model? What else?

One commentator wrote about an atheist mother…

Did You Get the Message?

By Carl S ~

“Always go too far, because that's where you'll find the truth.” - Albert Camus.

The fundamentalists of the three Abrahamic faiths gain political power in order to impose their laws on everyone, so they can punish those who disagree with them. If you don't think so, then read their scriptural guide books, focusing on the attitudes of the scriptural writers who created their very nasty role model god. What's the message of these scriptures in 21st century vernacular? To help you understand, here is the latest translation, the Freely Revised Translation, (FRT):

1 The serpent goes before their God and says, “Cut them some slack. These newborns don't even know the meanings of the words 'good, evil, knowledge, and death.” And God said, “F * *k them.”

2 Noah’s son says, “Please, spare my friends, the babies, children, and animals everywhere. They aren't doing any harm. And give us time to work out our problems among ourselves.” But God says: “I'm pissed off with the lot of you. I'll start over. F * *k it.”

3 A man came back from Sodom and Gomorrah with the news he couldn't find the arbitrary amount of righteous men he was sent to find, and so God said, “You-know-what them, including women, children, pets..., whatever.”

4 Moses and the Israelites came to the end of their exodus. Moses said to his God, “Lord, you have the whole world from which to pick the Promised Land. So why must we slaughter a civilization occupying a very small fraction of it for ourselves?” And his Lord said, “screw them. You're the Chosen People. Until I change my mind.”

5 Jesus went around ranting and raging about the hypocrisy of Scribes and Pharisees. He decided, “Screw this.” So he made possible his own line of clerical hypocrites, worse than them.

6 Jesus thinks: “For years, I've been restoring sight to the blind, making the crippled walk, curing illnesses, feeding them by the thousands, even raising their dead! You think they're grateful? After all that, they still won't accept me as their messiah! So, #*%^ the Jews forever. Whatever happens to them they've got coming to them.”

7 The apostle asked Jesus why the expensive perfume ready to be poured on his feet would not be better sold and the money used to feed the poor. Jesus said,”Hey, the poor will always be with you.”

8 Remember Lord, when the little girl was kidnapped, and the whole community was out looking for her? Everybody was praying to you for her safe return. All that time you knew she had been raped and killed. Yet you tortured them with hope. Did you enjoy that? And God said, “F * # k you, and them.”

9 Jesus said whoever did not accept him should be cut off and cast on the fire. He said whoever did not believe in him will go to hell. You got that message right.

10 “Oh Lord, your own son was crying out not to be tortured to death, and later, he asked why you abandoned him. You didn't answer.” God says, “I did, but he wasn't listening: I couldn't care less.”

11 St. Paul and the imams, speaking for this god, say anyone not accepting their words should be considered “anathema” and cast out of society. But Islam's god imposes much, much worse penalties. Guess what they're all saying.

12 “Lord, what about all those 'heretics' who question you? They want to know: 'What kind of truth is this, which demands you not think about it?’” And the Lord said: “Ask me if I care. They're evil, and do you know why they're evil? Because they won't pretend to take everything on faith. Handle them my way. You've gotta torture 'em before you kill 'em. I enjoy watching suffering.”
“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.” Elie Wiesel.

Now - There are billions of good, caring, human beings, and they reject this particular god's attitudes. Some spend their entire lives making life better for others. They won't identify with this scriptural God because he's anti-humanity. This is not a problem for those who gladly identify with him. They're into punishing others who act out the decisions they and their god envy.

Are not the attributes of this scriptural God indifference, fickleness, the destructions haphazardly wrought by tsunamis, earthquakes, tornadoes, etc., on the 'just and unjust alike,” descriptions of NATURE? No gods involved. Indifferent Nature is something we understand, deal with, and adapt to.

If people want to believe a god “has a plan,” then they don't bitch; they're living it. They won't dare blame their God. Weirdly, they claim he knows absolutely everything in the past, present, and future. You'd expect him to give fair warnings beforehand. No one can change what is completely known. What will be will be. Wait a minute. Isn't trust in God hopeful trust in Fate? And it makes perfect sense an omniscient being would have a very human response of, “f * * k it all.” It's an explanation as good as any an apologist would offer.

So, when believers sincerely tell me they have a “personal relationship with God,” if they're evangelicals, it must be this ancient invented scriptural God. That would explain their attitudes to humans. Contrariwise, it's possible those believers who think of him as a “loving” God aren't paying attention to their scriptures, so their “relationship” is totally with their “personal” imaginations. For real evidence of this: there are plenty of spouses who've formerly had long, loving, relationships with sociopaths, and they're still unable to wrap their minds around the reality: it was always love on their part alone.

When people tell you, “God is Real,” they don't lack faith but lack the sense to ask themselves, “What do I mean by Real?” To humans, “reality” entails not only nature, facts, logic, reason, and emotions. “Reality” includes all the lies we've told and have been told, and believe. “Reality” even includes all the crap humans believe true, even if for no other reason than they prefer to. Millions of people have been killed in religious and political wars simply because some of them preferred to believe lies and fantasies. For too many, their delusions are “more real than real.” Our imaginations have always altered reality, both materially and psychologically. What we accept unthinkingly as “reality” is really a world operating on a mixture of lies and truths. Though “spiritual beings and states of being” are pure fantasies, many humans sincerely believe they are “real.” And the sincerely-believed-in God is just as “real” to them as any of the other gods are to others.

People assure me I’ll meet their God “some day,” when, “you'll get yours.” They hope! I have to say, “Pardon me, but I reject your God's cold sadism, which you call infinite love. And I won't be surprised if your God tells me, “Go to Hell. See if I care.” I already got that message. Now ask me if I care.

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