tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12669850402902426632024-03-17T04:00:32.397-04:00ExChristian.NetEncouraging doubting, de-converting, deconstructing and former ChristiansDave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.comBlogger1009125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-4309976705627250592024-01-21T15:14:00.006-05:002024-01-21T15:30:52.684-05:00Goodbye Jesus<span class="dropcap">T</span>im Sledge was a Southern Baptist preacher and writer for 35 years. His pioneering work in faith-based recovery ministries in the 80s and 90s ultimately guided participants in 20,000 Christian support groups across the U.S.
<br/><br/>
The driving force behind Sledge’s ultimate rejection of Christianity was his long-term, up-close observations of church life. “After living and leading in the church for decades, I saw no consistent evidence of an ongoing supernatural presence—and I wanted to see that evidence with all that was in me.”
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/viCGMV7So-s?si=9IoKtg87v979uBn6" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen></iframe>
<br /><br />
<a target="_blank" href="https://www.amazon.com/Goodbye-Jesus-Evangelical-Preachers-Journey/dp/0999843532/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=&_encoding=UTF8&tag=exchrisnetenc-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=071b906750382dfcfd1f60b775b06617&camp=1789&creative=9325">Goodbye Jesus</a>
Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-24234215156950714942023-12-10T11:25:00.005-05:002024-01-03T12:50:29.961-05:00Reasons for my disbelief<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho_cvv9OtMeNtliBGSh-mFn-cWTFBO4bpMB6chZLB8dHwBXgp-YyYGjKMFlPvTqGukQFiPfX0ntfrvmWunpiuf4Qr5k-gESd2fXLOMtwyIHwCg_qRxArtKFJNa_wxj1D30uvP-z7vORykKzbip6Ds7ZQrSv8Gwk6Gkn9mEjd9t2wdnzL-9AzDz3_q0AaA/s1140/what-leaving-your-religion-can-be-like-v0-12ym3y6m7qsa1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="568" data-original-width="1140" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho_cvv9OtMeNtliBGSh-mFn-cWTFBO4bpMB6chZLB8dHwBXgp-YyYGjKMFlPvTqGukQFiPfX0ntfrvmWunpiuf4Qr5k-gESd2fXLOMtwyIHwCg_qRxArtKFJNa_wxj1D30uvP-z7vORykKzbip6Ds7ZQrSv8Gwk6Gkn9mEjd9t2wdnzL-9AzDz3_q0AaA/w640-h318/what-leaving-your-religion-can-be-like-v0-12ym3y6m7qsa1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><br />
By Rebekah ~
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">T</span>here are many layers to the reasons for my disbelief, most of which I haven't even touched on here...
<br /><br />
When I think of Evangelical Christianity, two concepts come to mind: intense psychological traps, and the danger of glossing over and missing a true appreciation for the one life we know that we have.
<br /><br />
I am actually agnostic when it comes to a being who set creation in motion and remains separated from us in a different realm. If there is a deistic God, then he/she doesn't particularly care if I believe in them, so I won't force belief and instead I will focus on this one life that I know I have, with the people I can see and feel. But I do have a lot of experience with the ideas of God put forth by Evangelical Christianity, and am confident it isn't true.
<br /><br />
If it's the case god has indeed created both a physical and a heavenly spiritual realm, then why did God even need to create a physical realm? If the point of its existence is to evolve to pass away and allow the presence of the new heaven and earth? Why not use his forethought to know which created beings will be 'good' and only create them in heaven? The existence of a physical realm is the only realm we can be sure of, and the Christian hypothesis doesn't have a good explanation for its existence. To clarify this point... if God is all-knowing, all-loving and all-powerful and is capable of creating a place like heaven in which free will exists, yet there is no suffering, then why not just create that and skip the suffering on earth and in Hell? Many Christians will say that suffering is necessary for free will, then that must mean Heaven doesn't allow free will, which would make it like a "celestial North Korea". The most reliable assumption is that the physical realm exists and that humans are prone to inventing religions.
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">(If) suffering is necessary for free will, then that must mean Heaven doesn't allow free will</span>If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that believing what is most likely true based on evidence, rather than what we desire to be true, yields much more effective outcomes.
<br /><br />
Witnessing loved ones afflicted by mental illness and adverse childhood experiences made it clear to me how our behaviors are determined by things outside of our own control such as DNA, brain structure, neurotransmitters, hormones, etc. This realization made the Christian ideas of extreme punishment and reward unpalatable and unbelievable to be coming from an all-powerful, all-loving, all-knowing God. Allegedly the same being who created all of the said factors that form our personalities and behaviors. So who is to blame for the outcome? Not to mention there is no chance I am going to be amicable towards a religion which doesn't have physical evidence and also tells me my loved ones that have passed and didn't believe correctly are currently being eternally tortured in Hell. If that isn't psychological terror, then I don't know what is...
Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-14818534494677840792023-10-09T12:46:00.004-04:002023-10-09T12:46:43.150-04:00THE FRIGHTENING FACE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd3cS5O0Aehv9X_uYlw6U1GkxhsCm38MiW76aDEdtnzA48VJXbizb4Z1rMfZZ1NCrp71ci5ie4bxJE1YSJu8FDpaDqOadD_6v-UzKln-NHiULUQNk3vT1tZctWwP_uc_w5i1CCm2znfSpco7BJOZVdTqtiBUDci3DPVq4mf03YvJ_-3Co8_oDiYle_xw0/s478/ghostlyface.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="316" data-original-width="478" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd3cS5O0Aehv9X_uYlw6U1GkxhsCm38MiW76aDEdtnzA48VJXbizb4Z1rMfZZ1NCrp71ci5ie4bxJE1YSJu8FDpaDqOadD_6v-UzKln-NHiULUQNk3vT1tZctWwP_uc_w5i1CCm2znfSpco7BJOZVdTqtiBUDci3DPVq4mf03YvJ_-3Co8_oDiYle_xw0/w400-h265/ghostlyface.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<i>By David Andrew Dugle ~ </i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">O</span>ctober. Halloween. It's time to visit the haunted house I used to live in.
<br /><br />
When I was five my dad was able to build a big modern house. Moving in before it was complete, my younger brother and I were sleeping in a large unfinished area directly under the living room. It should have been too new to be a haunted house, but now and then I would wake up in the tiny, dark hours and see the blurry image of a face, or at least what I took to be a face, glowing, faintly yellow, high up on the wall near the ceiling.
<br /><br />
I'm not kidding!
<br /><br />
Most nights it didn’t appear at all. But when it did show itself, at first I thought it was a ghost and it scared me like nothing else I’d ever seen. But the face never did anything; unmoving, it just stayed in that one spot. Turning on the lights would make it disappear, making my fears difficult to explain, so I never told anyone.
<br /><br />
My Sunday School teachers had always told me to be good because God was just behind me, watching, and credulous kid that I was, I believed it without question. I even remember trying to turn around fast enough to catch God’s surveillance in that kindergarten year. Is it any wonder that I came to the conclusion that the image on the wall was The Face of God watching over me?
<br /><br />
Okay, it's not exactly a scary Halloween story but it's true!
<br /><br />
Perception and your belief in the rightness of your perceptions creates your reality. We'd like reality to be solid all the time so we can learn one set of rules and get on with playing the game. Some rules of reality are indeed solid enough to hold on to, but many are liquid that we can only cup for a moment or vapor we can't grasp at all. It’s only been made worse in this age of fake news and deliberate mendacity. Conmen and demagogues in cyberspace actually put forth that men never landed on the Moon and that the Holocaust never happened. Marshal McLuhan was right, the medium is the message, and some credulous numbskulls will always believe their messages just because the medium it came in on is flashy.
<br /><br />
Okay, so the world is a tentative place full of fiction and most people can't live with that fact, but there is one at least one other thing I know FOR CERTAIN from experience. God's Face does not appear on that wall anymore. Why? Because carpet was put down in the living room.
<br /><br />
HUH?
<br /><br />
Remember most nights I didn't see The Face? I didn't figure out why until years later. Most nights my mom was not up late reading! C'mon follow me on this! Her chair was positioned in the living room above me in the basement, along the edge of the wooden floor where it didn't quite match the rough Ohio limestone edge of a planter box. The reading light for her chair aimed down the wall almost vertically, hitting a small set of holes left open along the joint of the floor and the planter box and then leaking through the unfinished ceiling of the basement. The reading light projected a pattern of light through the holes that I took as a face upon the wall of my room, the same wall that held up the stone planter box above. When my folks put in carpeting years later, the light was blocked. For awhile in my life though, I was convinced of God's immediate presence. Now I know better. He/She/It is EVERYWHERE.
<br /><br />
But that's another Thought Bubble. And on corroded, creaky Halloween hinges, we’ll close the door on this story.
<span class="pullquote"></span>
<span class="pullquoteauthor"></span>Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-2638122142295505862023-08-16T14:22:00.003-04:002023-08-24T06:19:41.218-04:00I can fix ignorance; I can't fix stupid!<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8fpaSyChJphJhtzSXD_80JsApCdtOtv5Q0K5F5qCqre7m3SsF6es0CL567R0rUOGrVIMBq_h-qbDzy3nofiJQ_yeHXBrwbu2bv1lk4Nv1Ey8dXGQhW_PXEl6L8WxfWq6dAtRYOdRrPC1v-b1oqtFTxr6eLZuzZwhRvoEoOT6NT8s03oL-YUy3sWtBxQQ/s1600/Tree-of-Unity.jpg" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="750" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8fpaSyChJphJhtzSXD_80JsApCdtOtv5Q0K5F5qCqre7m3SsF6es0CL567R0rUOGrVIMBq_h-qbDzy3nofiJQ_yeHXBrwbu2bv1lk4Nv1Ey8dXGQhW_PXEl6L8WxfWq6dAtRYOdRrPC1v-b1oqtFTxr6eLZuzZwhRvoEoOT6NT8s03oL-YUy3sWtBxQQ/w400-h400/Tree-of-Unity.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div>
<i>By Bob O ~</i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span>'m an atheist and a 52-year veteran of public education. I need not tell anyone the problems associated with having to "duck" the "Which church do you belong to?" with my students and their parents. Once told by a parent that they would rather have a queer for their sons' teacher than an atheist! Spent HOURS going to the restroom right when prayers were performed: before assemblies, sports banquets, "Christmas Programs", awards assemblies, etc... Told everyone that I had a bladder problem. And "yes" it was a copout to many of you, but the old adage (yes, it's religious) accept what you can't change, change that which you can and accept the strength to know the difference! No need arguing that which you will never change.
<br /><br />
Enough of that. What I'd like to impart is my simple family chemistry. My wife is a Baptist - raised in a Baptist Orphanage (whole stories there) and is a believer. She did not know my religious preference until our relationship advanced to the "next stage" We had a secular, government wedding at the courthouse and then I did it again in the Baptist Church. raising our children with the idea that they will make their own decisions when the time was right for them. Keeping with that premise, when the holidays came around the inclination is to evangelize your beliefs - even us atheists. Not so with us. I only discussed religion with my children when the questions were brought up by them. Being honest and straight forward BUT non-judgmental.
<br /><br />
Our family celebrated an abundance of Christmases when they were young – from one based on the Quakers (I graduated from a Quaker College, BA; in France for advanced degrees); a Greek Orthodox Christmas; a Catholic Christmas; Seventh Day Adventist – the twins had a friend that invited us to their church; we celebrated Hanukkah, twice – the kids insisted on this, they enjoyed the many days of gifts. The use of the menorah, Yule log, and Christmas trees were prevalent each season. Celebrated in December sometimes and January at others. With each new celebration we were diligent about going to the appropriate church or synagogue and respectfully participating in all the festivities.
<br /><br />
I've been criticized by many of my more enlightened friends who claim we confused the kids. If my kids wanted to be Catholic, I wanted them to be the best Catholics in the world - Muslims, the best Muslims, Atheists - the best Atheists. It should be THEIR decision not ours. Even got the blessing (????) from my Baptist wife. The grandkids enjoy coming to Lolli and Pop's for Christmas, because it's always different. And they're encouraged to ask questions.
<br /><br />
Our oldest is headed for the Naval Academy where he will be required to take an oath that will reference the Christian religion. He will take it with the knowledge that his will be based on his personal commitment to his honesty and integrity - he and I have discussed his decision because he felt uncomfortable being insincere (reference the serenity prayer above). He knows that many that are believers will take the oath and will not fulfill those pledges.
<br /><br />
I think that on occasion we atheists fall into the trap that religion sets for their followers – we judge. That should not happen! The vast majority of them (religious people) will not change and trying never works. I have my serenity prayer version that I live by, and it helps me cope. "I can fix ignorance, given the chance; I can't fix stupid!"</div> Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-980366865613708782023-08-16T13:43:00.004-04:002023-08-24T15:32:37.760-04:00Old Seventh<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlxo3il_CovkpmTMhhB3P_LVk4Nm8qrV0KQy41eksSu3RwkFkG-1OYLSLNsfpDXq7IxzEaS1HSJB9pgyeGIgVfzZkF39MmE3aW1G_HqryebgqCi4OBEBM6E6OnEhJIHtjWQ_Yj5_ZyBjevTvaM2dW2onqXYRJfIyo3Ux8YPbZDRo3brd6Bo9Uj_JajIX0/s1600/Screen%20Shot%202012-03-21%20at%2011.59.00%20AM.png" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; clear: right; float: right;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="558" data-original-width="362" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlxo3il_CovkpmTMhhB3P_LVk4Nm8qrV0KQy41eksSu3RwkFkG-1OYLSLNsfpDXq7IxzEaS1HSJB9pgyeGIgVfzZkF39MmE3aW1G_HqryebgqCi4OBEBM6E6OnEhJIHtjWQ_Yj5_ZyBjevTvaM2dW2onqXYRJfIyo3Ux8YPbZDRo3brd6Bo9Uj_JajIX0/s1600/Screen%20Shot%202012-03-21%20at%2011.59.00%20AM.png"/></a></div>
<i>By David Andrew Dugle ~ </i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span>n an era long before televangelism and megachurches, before the Age of Muscular American Fundamentalism, my grandfather made sure that all of his grandchildren had a Christian upbringing. Every Sunday he drove us all the way across the county to his church, <a href="https://opencorporates.com/companies/us_oh/7960" target="_blank">Seventh Presbyterian</a>.
<br /><br />
Seventh was built of Ohio’s bedrock in 1849. Not as big as some, it was however equipped with a powerful pipe organ and magnificent stained-glass windows, especially the rose window, enormous and multi-hued, above the main entrance. Its grandeur was awesome, in the fullest sense of the word.
<br /><br />
The first time I went there I was only a few months old, being baptized. After adding a couple drops of water (Poof! Instant Presbyterian!) I was taken to Seventh’s stately services weekly. Stately? Our church didn’t try to be entertaining as such. In fact, our services were relentlessly bland – there were no snakes, no speaking in tongues, no miracle healings, not even an incense censure. But we did have music.
<br /><br />
Long before Jesus Christ Superstar, Seventh’s music was all traditional hymns, performed by choir and organ. I loved the way the bass notes of our organ rattled the high windowed walls and the bones of my skull. Our choir wasn’t as impressive as a throaty gospel group, but still, along with that stained glass light show, our music moved me deeply. Riding those piped harmonies, I tried to float closer to God and Jesus. I desperately wanted to be good and do what God wanted. I liked the idea of the Prince of Peace healing the sick and helping the poor. I very much desired to be holy. I prayed with all my might.
<br /><br />
Even so, questions grew in my mind with each year, especially at Easter services. Why does Jesus’s dying save us? What was Jesus sacrificing, really? And what’s with all the bunnies and colored eggs? It simply confused me; understanding wasn’t to be found nestled next the confections in the ersatz green hay of an Easter basket. Seventh’s answer was simply, “Have faith. Don’t question.” Perhaps I asked too much. Indeed, I did find much balm and beauty in the Testaments, but when wrestling the weightier theological conundrums, especially after attending my first funeral and realizing there is an end to this life, I found little to grip, no way to pin and defeat them. Still, I was attracted to Jesus’s compassion and non-violence. Even though I didn’t understand those well-exercised apologies for the crucifixion given at Sunday School, Jesus himself always appealed to me, and that was enough.
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote"> Why does Jesus’s dying save us? What was Jesus sacrificing, really?<br /><br />
<span class="pullquoteauthor"><i>Have faith. Don’t question.</i> </span></span>And that was the way that Jesus came to me in the Atomic Age, when satellites first orbited an Earth that was billions of years old. You see, my family, even my pious grandfather, never did insist on a literal Genesis. In fact, we often visited the dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum right after church. Reason was always there in our lives. Still, I never doubted that Jesus was real, but some Bible stories were not.
<br /><br />
As we grew through the 60s, my grandfather started to have health problems. Without his shepherding; we stopped attending Seventh and our family’s faith faded. In my teen years flower power soon saturated the culture and my thinking. Seventh Presbyterian’s dogma was left behind; the psychedelic chords of acid rock replaced my grandfather’s hymns.
<br /><br />
I can’t go back now. I couldn’t go back even if I wanted to. Sadly, <a href="https://halseyhelgesontree.blogspot.com/2010/09/seventh-presbyterian-church-closes.html" target="_blank">Seventh Presbyterian</a> suffered a disastrous fire at the start of 1971. The elegant mahogany pews are all ash. The thunderous organ that shook my soul, those lovingly crafted windows that illuminated the faithful for so many years, are all gone. Only my regard for a human Jesus, for his message of compassion and peace, remains.Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-3994782856042007402023-04-02T08:56:00.095-04:002023-04-02T09:41:37.659-04:00I had to reconstruct my own reality<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://www.journeyfree.org/" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="600" data-original-height="150" data-original-width="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDDgiq9sdu8tEpFlfuNINS-V-HpAPCxVjVieJy17_w9DjoRJddSYfwj0L10IBoQzEspzZlSKUzS8HlvZDOxk3Ic57X4jUA8obUW0GXO4VH3OO_2pcZFALmVv5T2FmGdsN6HXrHGjFj5FazV525YfLzz13P3o7fpYTuK-BB8H2QUKdhN2YUz9DVeMOX/s600/marlenetop.jpg"/></a></div>
<i>By Dr. Marlene Winell ~</i><br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">L</span>eaving my faith was a very slow process. <br /><br />
I was raised by missionary parents and was devoutly religious for my entire childhood. Journal entries from my college years reveal swings between anguished frustration and renewed faith. I heaped blame for the problems on myself, looked to God for help, and thanked him for any improvements in my life.
<br /><br /><b>
In my everyday life, I lived with enormous guilt and frustration</b> over not being the person I thought I should be. Good things were always due to God, and failures were always mine.
<br /><br /><b>
Looking back, I can see that self-respect was a near impossibility.
</b><br /><br />
Like a lost child, when I left I had to reconstruct reality. I had to examine and recreate so many assumptions: about the meaning of life, the world, myself, others, the past, present, and future.
<br /><br />
I eventually became a therapist, and it has been my great joy to help others to recover from the harm they experienced as a result of religious upbringing.
<br /><br />
After years of my own private therapy practice, I created the <a href="https://www.journeyfree.org/retreats/" target="_blank">Religious Recovery Retreats</a> to give others a more immediate way to experience healing and recovery, and to help you move through this often painful, difficult process.<br />
<br /><br />
<center><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgXCkMjXCQJCVQARgLO9OYNLA1fSY82B4ihICJ1JCTi5GT14Y-GodDDxuo--Y485CY3HcYekuTJttiG9VzRqa4cNauRJtOWSqXOWaYPDSHB1xOi2XjDfbvSkMum5TVTtuYYgoGlpWUz0rUxgk4-ugeUm4dpsK8RBmNc0HPimbxYHrTFJ58hPg4RwYm/s1600/Marlene1nnamed.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="418" data-original-width="1600" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgXCkMjXCQJCVQARgLO9OYNLA1fSY82B4ihICJ1JCTi5GT14Y-GodDDxuo--Y485CY3HcYekuTJttiG9VzRqa4cNauRJtOWSqXOWaYPDSHB1xOi2XjDfbvSkMum5TVTtuYYgoGlpWUz0rUxgk4-ugeUm4dpsK8RBmNc0HPimbxYHrTFJ58hPg4RwYm/w640-h168/Marlene1nnamed.png" width="640" /></a><br /></center><br />The loss of an all-encompassing belief system has profound consequences, including ambiguity and responsibility. In my own recovery, I had to deal with all of the same the issues I address in my book, counseling sessions, and retreats. <div><br /></div><div>I’ve found the <a href="https://www.journeyfree.org/retreats/" target="_blank">retreats</a> in particular to be a truly incredible time of connection, discovery, and profound healing.</div></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ClUBadRK-XA/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="710" data-original-width="402" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCGuzEFapH8GBDPqTBsdX3sSLjT3yt9avvbpuEipUEzkxbs6fUrbfN-AnHcRlsqNPbefOLVux4IXXoSpEvH-1Oe33a4NDv-ejFA31NjpQBj2R-dOBwYAvnLtoKdxa9QNkizklYZtk_PEWHM7hQaQxZ_TXWpAoEV53TpeqvXZD2MpTet1x2lFRPeIM1/s320/marlene2unnamed.png" width="181" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">I talk more about what you can expect from the Retreat in this video.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>
</i><b>Our <a href="https://www.journeyfree.org/retreats/" target="_blank">next Retreat</a> is June 8-11th in Cape Cod at a beautiful, ocean-front retreat center.</b> I can’t wait to share this time with others seeking to unravel their experiences and reclaim their self-worth, self-respect, and connection to themselves and others.
We only have a few spots left. I hope you’ll <a href="https://www.journeyfree.org/retreats/">join us</a>.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIJI3ynG6zw80ZuPSakrwE05hxMYfEZssUIcvHP1AzUYH-8GuKL1kcr7Q538tQTPi9n1E8JVowSr8sqxRhsYEOM6GbXp5gc5Pi0zQd2Y2CHvggnd64hMs7p81vrK0vRqMRMdZ4P7zDEyrazCcWeC_-rCybKW0ZqC466x-88MvuId8wgU1pBXNucFfH/s1919/marlene3.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="430" data-original-width="1919" height="144" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIJI3ynG6zw80ZuPSakrwE05hxMYfEZssUIcvHP1AzUYH-8GuKL1kcr7Q538tQTPi9n1E8JVowSr8sqxRhsYEOM6GbXp5gc5Pi0zQd2Y2CHvggnd64hMs7p81vrK0vRqMRMdZ4P7zDEyrazCcWeC_-rCybKW0ZqC466x-88MvuId8wgU1pBXNucFfH/w640-h144/marlene3.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; text-align: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(This Retreat is an </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; text-align: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">inclusive, welcoming and mindful space for people of ALL identities and backgrounds.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; text-align: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">)</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As always, if you can’t make it this time, I encourage you to check out our additional resources, including </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn%3DyjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72I6AI0WR5vaMnn6zaxWjOvldM8pyl0LV7XFaXb82vqjEIMYtQD0onkfb6XenI0SEc5w-3D-3DpErZ_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLdkxgGfwv4QEAQYT5ecPYc8hvM9gVT-2BoENS7ZKEreVWpo5lGRSTSDEin-2BeV6BkQBpHX5RhVxgUBUAVHfunwtAfZmOVJYTwGu-2F87P49C8m207Y52yTbH1ULUxYAGK94M6KCadl7jmqW1HKTZBtZAQyQo-3D&source=gmail&ust=1680526232059000&usg=AOvVaw3E_4sgPURja3DCmWhySWrP" href="http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn=yjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72I6AI0WR5vaMnn6zaxWjOvldM8pyl0LV7XFaXb82vqjEIMYtQD0onkfb6XenI0SEc5w-3D-3DpErZ_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLdkxgGfwv4QEAQYT5ecPYc8hvM9gVT-2BoENS7ZKEreVWpo5lGRSTSDEin-2BeV6BkQBpHX5RhVxgUBUAVHfunwtAfZmOVJYTwGu-2F87P49C8m207Y52yTbH1ULUxYAGK94M6KCadl7jmqW1HKTZBtZAQyQo-3D" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank" title="<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#1155cc;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:underline;-webkit-text-decoration-skip:none;text-decoration-skip-ink:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">1:1 counseling</span>"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1:1 counseling</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> + </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn%3DyjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72I6AI0WR5vaMnn6zaxWjOvlfoCInvZY1S4yfhYPT-2BU01lyO8z3tkN8bo1y6g77KIlJg-3D-3DANO7_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLZjtzl-2FAaPYjC4htmK85Z5-2BtGDURt2aAE6am1sb-2FdC8-2BCWeKMNMIRzAMRb55zmY1nVUeCsp1SGDpQi-2FlDr-2BHtcyBcC9U9zp1qUEY8CKU621MPokXxWrhUIszTywkcMHRHNvHzi7gWv1VWB3KLCXUTlk-3D&source=gmail&ust=1680526232059000&usg=AOvVaw0MrusMR77wVAcloBwzJFCK" href="http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn=yjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72I6AI0WR5vaMnn6zaxWjOvlfoCInvZY1S4yfhYPT-2BU01lyO8z3tkN8bo1y6g77KIlJg-3D-3DANO7_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLZjtzl-2FAaPYjC4htmK85Z5-2BtGDURt2aAE6am1sb-2FdC8-2BCWeKMNMIRzAMRb55zmY1nVUeCsp1SGDpQi-2FlDr-2BHtcyBcC9U9zp1qUEY8CKU621MPokXxWrhUIszTywkcMHRHNvHzi7gWv1VWB3KLCXUTlk-3D" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank" title="<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#1155cc;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:underline;-webkit-text-decoration-skip:none;text-decoration-skip-ink:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">support group meetings</span>"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">support group meetings</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you’re looking for some free resources, here are a few recent interviews I did:</span></div><ul><li style="font-size: 11pt; margin-left: 15px;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Podcast: </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn%3DyjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72I179O-2FXzdY8mdBYUf69g13Wb8MpbjL6FrGQ9K5qU5f-2FSTBy7YAOWeHz1S3CQOriF1EI-2BEwNRIlNjb-2BJkURukK6EeQDR88TelCotmDnVG-2B0UQ3urv9MTCm0ku1pumle6KaQ-3D-3DfUf5_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLY7ryi57foBNHPdmNmoMTjhRgeHbW58sGSWHqs7HrkP3Xleu6unyPHH3mlGF270tDJX0Ky-2FPvdumwmSgiReULgYVdjR-2Fk5yJWkAK8-2BAzLU-2FCl0d51Z2SZ9dzJ-2FisFPWTI2KpXhbi5-2FiEDAwJ7yPS2Dg-3D&source=gmail&ust=1680526232059000&usg=AOvVaw2zHRyG7SvSO1S2X08ROAwI" href="http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn=yjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72I179O-2FXzdY8mdBYUf69g13Wb8MpbjL6FrGQ9K5qU5f-2FSTBy7YAOWeHz1S3CQOriF1EI-2BEwNRIlNjb-2BJkURukK6EeQDR88TelCotmDnVG-2B0UQ3urv9MTCm0ku1pumle6KaQ-3D-3DfUf5_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLY7ryi57foBNHPdmNmoMTjhRgeHbW58sGSWHqs7HrkP3Xleu6unyPHH3mlGF270tDJX0Ky-2FPvdumwmSgiReULgYVdjR-2Fk5yJWkAK8-2BAzLU-2FCl0d51Z2SZ9dzJ-2FisFPWTI2KpXhbi5-2FiEDAwJ7yPS2Dg-3D" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank" title="<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Roboto,sans-serif;color:#1155cc;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:underline;-webkit-text-decoration-skip:none;text-decoration-skip-ink:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">#108 – “End Times”, a psychological perspective</span>"><span face="Roboto, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#108 – “End Times”, a psychological perspective</span></a></li><li style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; margin-left: 15px;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Article: </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn%3DyjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72I6eLlWN9bsMN3LxLBEqpAZg6TgoxHUk8vWMDU0J7p4kWh09P-2FOoye49nKwzREMyYM-2BiDn6IhrK9BmfeoY13GLCD70AAtuUXxnSbLAN1z-2FIjxoNi-_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLQjVeBVhz24gP-2BT0hlXuAS0gFCE6VvAFYE2-2FJrL-2BBBSOQj4VGNMV9whWD-2FGujgSOisxnAWNrHYKHH3mqPPklq6GFZN5vuajAJi1-2BId-2BBZ4N88uSPsHf-2B-2BweJC0CrnGrMFWsGyuJJugk8338JVE2HzvY-3D&source=gmail&ust=1680526232059000&usg=AOvVaw2CKsrK7I5YfhX-H-t1VYgw" href="http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn=yjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72I6eLlWN9bsMN3LxLBEqpAZg6TgoxHUk8vWMDU0J7p4kWh09P-2FOoye49nKwzREMyYM-2BiDn6IhrK9BmfeoY13GLCD70AAtuUXxnSbLAN1z-2FIjxoNi-_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLQjVeBVhz24gP-2BT0hlXuAS0gFCE6VvAFYE2-2FJrL-2BBBSOQj4VGNMV9whWD-2FGujgSOisxnAWNrHYKHH3mqPPklq6GFZN5vuajAJi1-2BId-2BBZ4N88uSPsHf-2B-2BweJC0CrnGrMFWsGyuJJugk8338JVE2HzvY-3D" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank" title="<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#1155cc;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:underline;-webkit-text-decoration-skip:none;text-decoration-skip-ink:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">A Roadmap for Processing Trauma</span>"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; list-style-type: disc; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A Roadmap for Processing Trauma</span></a></li></ul><div style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s been so exciting to see Religious Trauma Syndrome become more frequently discussed by psychologists! Check out </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn%3DyjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72I0RFNKeW1ws7HewhaRvTU5xXOBoW4fYE9ezxuW-2FlfxsBGRl-2BEDxPpf6dpqaRdasZJHZnhB7eU0sHeIEViAb7ZKhvc90X-2BgTtxf8PnXN1JDtnj6yL1iROXe9rK0b3cRHHDK6VoyMd9latkrVjeGQwyY0g8YI2FJxGKD69ZiGaSAk2aU9I_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLd3zJy6HJPc14QQxAwuKtmQwB8Gj5SntFB-2B0qKB-2Fmj11ulbq21bJCc2VxY2k7wcbFdqgQ8e6tp8sxLE7AMwwbrnE-2B0tzBIpMVOIXlBBMrFpwnerbbZJo6zx7A3gbT1otquBmeRKtm22B-2BDiXT-2FRG1qI-3D&source=gmail&ust=1680526232059000&usg=AOvVaw0f7MlbK7y1lBz3ALdPb3Ib" href="http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn=yjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72I0RFNKeW1ws7HewhaRvTU5xXOBoW4fYE9ezxuW-2FlfxsBGRl-2BEDxPpf6dpqaRdasZJHZnhB7eU0sHeIEViAb7ZKhvc90X-2BgTtxf8PnXN1JDtnj6yL1iROXe9rK0b3cRHHDK6VoyMd9latkrVjeGQwyY0g8YI2FJxGKD69ZiGaSAk2aU9I_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLd3zJy6HJPc14QQxAwuKtmQwB8Gj5SntFB-2B0qKB-2Fmj11ulbq21bJCc2VxY2k7wcbFdqgQ8e6tp8sxLE7AMwwbrnE-2B0tzBIpMVOIXlBBMrFpwnerbbZJo6zx7A3gbT1otquBmeRKtm22B-2BDiXT-2FRG1qI-3D" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank" title="<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#1155cc;background-color:transparent;font-weight:700;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:underline;-webkit-text-decoration-skip:none;text-decoration-skip-ink:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">this article</span>"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">this article</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> at Psychology Today, and </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn%3DyjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72IyS5RtWc-2BZM2TqQVjwGDYDvs97M3NxpdlQb5Ougkd3kqLXaSWXYl3V8qulN4hlXWjw-3D-3DdJM-_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLZtuQWq4oK5O-2FvZBliC7iCbs85unRTpINpXHvMqvrGLyguGzfT4jmj5DeSIDnQAIViUFpKDo5XkSVmRTyfP8F0dClK9b3KYh6zjj47VAIlC-2BfQQkarivFHeKdg1xqrPUWXW2TKUw75-2BOFFVwd9R8K3g-3D&source=gmail&ust=1680526232059000&usg=AOvVaw0oSPUqso3DMDai6vMpKiXc" href="http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn=yjdjQgCB5iiRS-2F5aGZ72IyS5RtWc-2BZM2TqQVjwGDYDvs97M3NxpdlQb5Ougkd3kqLXaSWXYl3V8qulN4hlXWjw-3D-3DdJM-_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLZtuQWq4oK5O-2FvZBliC7iCbs85unRTpINpXHvMqvrGLyguGzfT4jmj5DeSIDnQAIViUFpKDo5XkSVmRTyfP8F0dClK9b3KYh6zjj47VAIlC-2BfQQkarivFHeKdg1xqrPUWXW2TKUw75-2BOFFVwd9R8K3g-3D" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank" title="<span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Arial;color:#1155cc;background-color:transparent;font-weight:700;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:underline;-webkit-text-decoration-skip:none;text-decoration-skip-ink:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre;white-space:pre-wrap;">another one</span>"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">another one</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> at Therapist.com for further reading on the subject.</span><br /></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you have any questions, feel free to reach out! We’re here to support you.</span><br /></div><div></div><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Warmly,</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit; text-align: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Marlene & the Journey Free team</span></div><div></div><img alt="" border="0" class="m_-8756063402181030001max-width CToWUd a6T" data-bit="iit" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/proxy/AVvXsEj-H7IojSpuMxV2ptG2mPp87nuf3AyP50wUqDlQa_filZ007Cia1yHA0Ypl50RzAieFyiGWN3jnf2rr0JzPFNltVp7Onp1xA1NUSfMNKT_0jDlf_zma35WL9BQgRUVy0d94PwzbzOf7H-wuI4fefCB2ldK76xO4KQzBSq24HQGWfA26O11Re1_FhyIkYPk1iE3kh5KPjGHKxbwgBd_39bR5Ovpd6-Ki877d6sHVv4B7jRb_=s0-d-e1-ft" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: Helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: auto; max-width: 50%; outline: 0px; width: 275px;" tabindex="0" width="275" /><div style="font-family: inherit; text-align: inherit;"><span style="color: #0e0c0c;"><strong>Journey Free:</strong></span><span style="color: #0e0c0c;"> </span><span style="color: #0e0c0c;">Recovery from harmful religion</span><span style="color: #0e0c0c;"><br /></span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn%3DzM4zhPbPUK-2BbfH0Y6haWeawpH7wfcI67bCedWddfOvdIEhXVGE7nLSEt4zhCfDC9j9j2_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLdK6ictefku1el1QThWjmgaE7-2FoH7D2sQj4yqs8XhAKgz-2BXoKMjj5mNsuB9Y54VWMsrue3a2OL91sq01l-2BvAxzQx97cXWTdg-2BHwM4o2vP33pmge8s3wKlxxgVBVY4tYeEyDVFQ8dtSIeTPM4hhp0pXs-3D&source=gmail&ust=1680526232060000&usg=AOvVaw3KOzQ2XY7r13zvinU3sSBz" href="http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn=zM4zhPbPUK-2BbfH0Y6haWeawpH7wfcI67bCedWddfOvdIEhXVGE7nLSEt4zhCfDC9j9j2_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLdK6ictefku1el1QThWjmgaE7-2FoH7D2sQj4yqs8XhAKgz-2BXoKMjj5mNsuB9Y54VWMsrue3a2OL91sq01l-2BvAxzQx97cXWTdg-2BHwM4o2vP33pmge8s3wKlxxgVBVY4tYeEyDVFQ8dtSIeTPM4hhp0pXs-3D" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0e0c0c;">www.journeyfree.org</span></a><span style="color: #0e0c0c;"><br /></span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn%3DzM4zhPbPUK-2BbfH0Y6haWeawpH7wfcI67bCedWddfOvcIoE4X-2BcF1JL5UWqeH-2FEDJRgs6_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLTfjZp9NA55VtMz7xmXfO5pxJQ-2FRHs7aLgl3ewKpy4JtzvpawvzfsGV-2F-2BFnX0OUjjkI0g76aR1W688-2FlgKlCHPMWFhPC1uNEypx8tXg10l0j9gD4qPWLdvvzLcmUgHCvt1QYMdHRUgX1qySSc6RpMWA-3D&source=gmail&ust=1680526232060000&usg=AOvVaw2YTnu5ZeqlXEwNHFx1KvDd" href="http://url6370.journeyfree.org/ls/click?upn=zM4zhPbPUK-2BbfH0Y6haWeawpH7wfcI67bCedWddfOvcIoE4X-2BcF1JL5UWqeH-2FEDJRgs6_IrVKFt61B0RSPoIcLeWyNjG-2Bdc-2F6wD8eiaeXzGP5cabDYJjbq8acVPOJKaMEStVz8ODO05FkssnaDJXnAzhxqLQ11QjGL7xYg6lbJMHdXbeNuxZsWgoNnRlCHIaLE2CTGtmMFnxqpY9jtpSF8oEVFN-2BEQ8F56lRdU-2BpShfdi3PYKu9iaU0mXNTfeLynqQEB3fycSF5liBYIHeLkY6py-2BvZKO7SoohXVPiqGWu0tdr7OdanjDGtFOsbN1D-2Bw2hQpZRhbxbTWe8yfPqqCb4-2FGU0SeAIZW0GJyQmEuao1KENWNpxzXxTfN5uUkm2D5lSvfIcrV7ONGGyGPW2pP3z-2BYJr18yZOYshs5LCci8gR6Tw05qZ7iiJHX7-2BD1jIctCFgTDl-2ByBTT6peohfN4JVk31g-2BuQ-2B6pGpOOmPepnrbes-2BuFtiOckhl7mA-2BIGxPCgxnTap0O2G1pehwqP9R4bXUivyC9k4MyZxpUS32DHMiEuaQzDjuQirrgEb3ZJnOXpMdP-2FnUBdqLTty0bX2FxkU7S1lNEQjxmuuMhkZ6LjotETg2mYcPqCmKMKSN2tbn-2BUE9bEaAfoFp71RXI04vFZDuuNlCpj-2BNCsiPyYDRvJZ4gHSMqUL6eDXEiT4CkMrnN5vbqQ52nepI2atZKS-2FcnpSje1YKDb4YLo3MjDTrMXrSHxuFf5yi8SpaIOSE-2Fj8vuzJp6f-2BchA88263ZEdeKJKrkDbClLkl4hb5zoRUNpZgQy-2BJc7hMWwHP5bKYMHt5oGZ5dprwdbA9TJ41mzwEnxfVs25eL4zQ4XYCCEotn4DCpV3N8FYdf2avs1uXXUY04tLKwYG-2FiFpd3SFUqvGbAAgS9rHWLTfjZp9NA55VtMz7xmXfO5pxJQ-2FRHs7aLgl3ewKpy4JtzvpawvzfsGV-2F-2BFnX0OUjjkI0g76aR1W688-2FlgKlCHPMWFhPC1uNEypx8tXg10l0j9gD4qPWLdvvzLcmUgHCvt1QYMdHRUgX1qySSc6RpMWA-3D" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank" title="510-292-0509"><span style="color: #0e0c0c;">510-292-0509</span></a></div></td></tr></tbody></table></span></div></div>Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-79232007090596107002022-12-31T13:09:00.006-05:002023-01-10T13:12:27.107-05:00My Journey Out of Christianity <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhvdNZIocZfmWvuErFlmFBEjfXd7mmS5xcury0bihQu09neS7lrySWcvmMDyQtC8vnq3-vgzWHU8NAF3hFC7rbjZTDRhLnGahVG5E1e4prXkbL5GYd1EXt5DerMVvSYgaBsMxh__yPTNNoVZecNM0b34sllvN2nmVnUWNYtdA1Bycy2Vsir-nLCVYJg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="429" data-original-width="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhvdNZIocZfmWvuErFlmFBEjfXd7mmS5xcury0bihQu09neS7lrySWcvmMDyQtC8vnq3-vgzWHU8NAF3hFC7rbjZTDRhLnGahVG5E1e4prXkbL5GYd1EXt5DerMVvSYgaBsMxh__yPTNNoVZecNM0b34sllvN2nmVnUWNYtdA1Bycy2Vsir-nLCVYJg=s16000" /></a></div>
<i>By G.M. Gates ~</i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span>t was the spring of 2003. I had broken up with my then girlfriend for what was, probably, the fifth or sixth time in the span of a year. The cause of the break up wasn't incompatibility, or even trivial matters. It was Evangelical Christianity.
<br /><br />
I had been part of various Charismatic/Pentecostal ministries throughout my mid to late teens. When I was 15, I saw a man preach who claimed to receive messages from God for random people seated in the congregation. This is what's called the Word of Knowledge in Charismatic churches.
<br /><br />
Being that I had been raised Baptist, this experience was completely new. And when the preacher spoke these messages, people would often become overwhelmed with emotion.
<br /><br />
I went forward to become born again. A few days later, I was Baptized in the Holy Spirit, evidenced by speaking in tongues.
<br /><br />
The next six years of my life would be a roller coaster of emotions. I would take the Great Commission literally. I would preach the gospel to everyone I met. And if i missed any opportunity to preach, I would spend an hour or two in prayer, asking God to forgive me for allowing people to go without hearing the gospel.
<br /><br />
Between 2002 and 2003, I would end relationships with others I had considered "unequally yoked." My girlfriend at the time would feel the pain the most. I would break up with her, only to reunite with her a month or two later. I did this numerous times.
<br /><br />
The reason for the break ups was because, people would often tell me that I had a gift of evangelism. And I couldn't enter the ministry if I was having sex outside of marriage. Yet, I wasn't emotionally or financially ready for marriage.
<br /><br />
One day the thought crossed my mind, where I had wondered to myself, Am I hurting her for no reason? How do I know God is real?
<br /><br />
I would end my relationship with Evangelical Christianity in 2004 – only to take a spiritual journey that would last for 17 years. During that time, I would practice paganism and Buddhism back and forth.
<br /><br />
One day in January of 2021, I would hear an old worship song I used to love. And being that I was turning 40 that year, nostalgia kicked in. I began to have a midlife crisis.
<br /><br />
I started to miss my old church friends. I was feeling lonely. So I started following Christianity again.
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">How do I know God is real? </span>In May of that year, I enrolled in a Christian seminary to earn a MDiv. As I was going to school, I got a random idea to learn about the Old Testament from Jewish sources. I befriended some rabbis on Facebook and would learn of how the Christian Church butchered the Jewish Bible to promote their religion. They changed many verses and even added material that wasn't written in the original passages.
<br /><br />
I wrestled with cognitive dissonance for a few months, only to withdraw from the seminary in July of 2021.
<br /><br />
I followed Christianity faithfully from 1996 until 2003. But the pain of that life is still very real in 2022
<br /><br />
A life without religion can be painful and lonely at times. But it's nowhere near the pain I endured years ago. </div>Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-44766415397827981502022-12-05T11:13:00.002-05:002022-12-05T11:13:28.856-05:00May Be My Last Words. The DIY Obit.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu9mp_oxzLG_VKXI1WpIjwnFSS-PvrnlGySZp9tZGST7sXomTQHnPxp9HkDxSIH7XMTgr-r984ejliY8Ska9QL1__ExiYUubhyVQiwFrNtNTo_6MQ6P_QNEBLBeB2V8B7YOf3ZGgq0Fn_Ds273Va65KBhtMNKd8qWjtNOla0ctAMwCQ6_sGN6423qT/s720/heavenhell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="618" data-original-width="720" height="550" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu9mp_oxzLG_VKXI1WpIjwnFSS-PvrnlGySZp9tZGST7sXomTQHnPxp9HkDxSIH7XMTgr-r984ejliY8Ska9QL1__ExiYUubhyVQiwFrNtNTo_6MQ6P_QNEBLBeB2V8B7YOf3ZGgq0Fn_Ds273Va65KBhtMNKd8qWjtNOla0ctAMwCQ6_sGN6423qT/w640-h550/heavenhell.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><i>By Carl S ~ </i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">W</span>izened Sage and I entertained the idea of writing our own obituaries. We don't want others taking advantage of our deaths to impose their superstitious absurdities. We don't want people assuming we were believers. What led me to bring up this subject?
<br /><br />
Got a letter from a true radical believer I've corresponded with over the years. Referring to something I mentioned in three letters, he writes, "You can believe what you want to, just as I do, although you can change your mind any time at all." So I wrote back, "You too."
<br /><br />
I wrote about asking a pastor, "If I am a good moral person, but don't believe, can I get into Heaven?" His answer was immediately, "Yes." I asked my wife's pastor the same question. His answer, after a long silence, was "No." When I told my wife about her pastor's answer, she said, "WELL, THAT'S HIS OPINION." I envy her ability to sum up things so fast. This guy heads my wife's congregation, so after I die, will he tell them, "Carl's in Hell now" ?
<br /><br />
Prepare yourself for irony. This man works or volunteers at a hospital. A hospital is a place working 24/7, in every microsecond and millimeter of its boundaries, absolutely dedicated to destroying "Acts of God." His "God." He's the occasionally available witch-doctor. LOL.
<br /><br />
After the plane crashes on 9/11, I asked a Christian woman, "Do you think the perpetrators went to Paradise for what they did?' She answered, "If they believed they would." When I was in my teens in the monastery, there was a book out about a priest, Charles De Foucald, a missionary living among Muslims. (His intent was to convert them to Christianity by example.) No luck. When he died, a Muslim woman commented, "He was such a good man; too bad he's in Hell." You don't need a theological degree to be an expert on afterlife! When you wish upon a text, your dream comes true? What believers of all faiths have faith in are the faith-pushers. Faith = hope. Please, let's get real! The "vocation" of every god's spokesperson is to get the listeners to believe whatever he or she says is "TRUE."
<br /><br />
Anyhow, this writer wrote to tell me the first pastor, being a former priest, was "wrong," and the second clergyman was "right," because - the Catholic church did not accept the "TRUTH" Jesus proclaimed, whereas he, his church, and the second pastor, did. I should accept their "TRUTH." I get it: ACCEPT THEIR OPINIONS or be tortured forever.
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">Those who live in love and laughter don't mess around with the hereafter —<span class="pullquoteauthor">lyricist and atheist Yip Harburg</span></span>To my writing, "It's said Jesus will reward eternal life only to those who believe in him, but eternal life is already a given," he reacted with accepting that! Then comes the THREAT: Yeah, but if you decide to accept or not makes the difference where you spend your afterlife. So, OTHER gods promised eternal life only if you believed in them. If you didn't, oblivion would be your fate. But the difference with YOUR god is that he creates an eternal Hell and if non-believers didn't have an "eternal" soul, the place would be wasted.
<br /><br />
As for my question and only two different "answers" to it, I wrote: "I find the whole subject of life after death, HILARIOUS, and I laugh every time I think about it. At the age of 85, I relish the laughs enjoyed by a man as free as myself."'
<br /><br />
My wrap-up is an obit. Don't bother a free man like me with threats of “heaven and hell." I know "eternal life" is an oxymoron. Expect me to laugh in your face. It is written, "Those who live in love and laughter don't mess around with the hereafter."
<br /><br />
What's my after-death message to those who believe and claim to trust their scriptural God? IT'S SUCH A LIBERATING COMFORT TO KNOW THE GOD YOU WORSHIP DOESN'T EXIST!
<br /><br />
Mine's a better obit than the run-of-the-mill "passed" propaganda sap, doled out to opiate the survivors. (If I want them to have "spiritual experiences" at my celebration of life service I'll leave a bag of magic mushrooms.) It's superior to obits for suicide bombers or the 9/11 martyrs, who expected to be rewarded an orgy with virgins in Paradise after their "private parts“ were blown off.
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-10415034279099509362022-11-17T12:28:00.004-05:002022-11-17T12:28:41.229-05:00Void...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWHEzNGLDDVOSWVtBhu0lnTLqgfpBSamdXcuj6elEGNddDfie6k70mprB0qQ5Z6iLpt-S31rS50rp60OBYE2w_FykQwwG8DWsLRiTsNO3saPWxDgOnsQOTAGRbr7BtD4vXtTxk5ihWCTzAfdIaKSsUybbp7l9eUcih_c5FoxhjVvKzCQFeC-oaLJiw/s1528/spiritualitywithoutreligion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1528" height="336" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWHEzNGLDDVOSWVtBhu0lnTLqgfpBSamdXcuj6elEGNddDfie6k70mprB0qQ5Z6iLpt-S31rS50rp60OBYE2w_FykQwwG8DWsLRiTsNO3saPWxDgOnsQOTAGRbr7BtD4vXtTxk5ihWCTzAfdIaKSsUybbp7l9eUcih_c5FoxhjVvKzCQFeC-oaLJiw/w640-h336/spiritualitywithoutreligion.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><i>By Jason7 ~ </i><br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">R</span>ecovering x-Christian here. Struggling spiritually.
<br /><br />
My life used to revolve around church. All my friends were from the church. My ex-wife & 4 kids were all heavily involved with the church. We were there every Sunday. We took my kids there for Wednesday night children's church. My family & I lived in a carefully constructed, sheltered Christian bubble.
<br /><br />
My life revolved around the Bible & I taught my family that it was 100% truth. We listened to Christian music & frowned on secular music with its cuss words & loose morality. We didn't smoke. we didn't openly cuss. We surrounded ourselves with like-minded Christians & had no non-Christian friends.
<br /><br />
We thought of ourselves as Holy & set apart by God to be his light in the world & to spread his love.
<br /><br />
However, underneath my outer Christian shell was a soul that was struggling intensely.
<br /><br />
I started questioning things that didn't make sense about my religion & God himself. I asked myself & others why God would allow evil in the world. I watched a documentary about modern day sexual slavery. At that present time, there were brothels in Cambodia filled with children as young as 3 who were being sexually tortured & raped every day. I became so angry that God would allow things like that to happen to innocent children.
<br /><br />
I started thinking that God wasn't such a loving God after all. When I voiced my doubts & struggles with Christianity to my family members, I was frowned upon & considered less spiritual than my undoubting family. They didn't question anything about the church, or the bible, at least openly.
<br /><br />
Most Sundays after church my in-laws would say what a great sermon it was, how it moved them emotionally & spiritually. They would say "that was such a good sermon, wasn't it"? I would say that I didn't get much out of it & they would frown & act as though I was troubled or less spiritual than they were.
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">I feel somewhat lost spiritually.</span> Eventually I had a crisis in my faith that was unreconcilable. The chasm between what the bible taught & my real-life experiences had grown too wide to bridge back together.
<br /><br />
Fast forward many years...
<br /><br />
I now consider myself a non-Christian. I believe in the Universe & karma. I am open spiritually, however, I am struggling. There is now a hole in my soul. That hole used to be filled at least in part, with Christianity, the church & my church friends.
<br /><br />
I feel somewhat lost spiritually.
<br /><br />
I used to read the bible every day. It gave me a sense of security & made me feel somewhat grounded. Now I read very little of anything. I wish I could pick up a book everyday & be led spiritually by it, like I used to believe the bible did, but I don't know if anything like that exists.
<br /><br />
Can anyone help me?</div>Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-48486848172577732382022-09-17T17:15:00.003-04:002022-09-29T15:37:24.780-04:00From Street Preacher to Atheist<img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/l3CViZeKqpZIIjCUjtOQEYwDt92Hpydneah1JbqZTvjre06T5DzEJI2be6aaD1YLVqMDFgbPsosFFmoWDHFvPRHA1kwpstXOJEsVQaxRMTEjHhZejqgDIchSV9inmoLUoOM5unlaydSs9qtD1Wu8hYTbcPbDBF3rVtHiMowtlyT9I2gT4mqZ0U-_fA=s16000" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" /><div><i>By austinrohm ~
<br /><br />
This will be my first time posting here. As a matter of fact, this will be my first time in a long time that I will be able to be completely honest with people regarding my true beliefs. </i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span> grew up in a particularly zealous denomination of Christianity known as Independent Fundamental Baptists. This denomination is very black and white in its thinking, and demonizes anyone on the "out" group, and people on the "in" group constantly reinforce just how happy they are to have the TRUTH. As anyone else who is brainwashed into this type of cult-like thinking as a child, I fully believed Christianity and the (King James) Bible with all my heart! I was constantly so happy that I just happened to be born into the one, true religion; and was very happy that I was born to parents who went to the "right" denomination of Christian church.
<br /><br />
But I always had a difficult time with how quiet God seemed to be, and a VERY difficult time with a "relationship with God." Why is God so real to everyone else? How come the pastor was always saying things like, "God told me this, and God told me that." He got to have God communicate so clearly to him, but God and the Devil were always just dead silent with me. From the time of my childhood up until my eventual departure from Christianity, I always had a very challenging time with the concept of faith. I was told to "love God more than anyone, even your spouse." It just felt like this relationship with Jesus was simply me performing false emotions every day; I just couldn't muster that level of love for someone I had never seen, heard or touched. It is similar to when your mother had some distant relative on the phone and told you, "Tell Aunt Gertrude you love her!" No. I don't love Aunt Gertrude; I have never met her.
<br /><br />
The one day, I heard a message on why God can feel so distant and unreal at times; it was because we were not SHOWING God how much we loved him. The more evangelizing actions we did as a Christian, and the more you took a leap of faith, the more God will become real to you every day. So I decided to take that leap of faith and move from a conservative Christian town in Idaho to Portland, Oregon so I could help with my Father-in-Law's Church.
<br /><br />
In Portland I was VERY active in the church. I was the youth group leader, song leader, and was downtown Portland many Saturdays street preaching and trying to convert "the lost" so they wouldn't burn in Hell for ever. Even after all this, God was still dead silent. I spent many days, weeks, and months pouring over Christian apologetics hoping to increase my faith. However, Christian apologetics really shook my faith to its core! I thought to myself, "Is this really the best evidence for Christianity?? Is this really all we have?"
<br /><br />
Then around 2 years ago, I decided to preach a message against atheism at my church. I didn't want to straw-man the atheist position, so I watched a few episodes of the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/theatheistexperience" target="_blank">Atheist Experience with Matt Dillahunty</a>. I also read up several atheist articles.
<br /><br />
As I explored atheism, I felt a huge lump in my throat as the anxiety mounted; why was this all making so much damn sense??. Then I thought about the question I had asked myself whenever I doubted: What reasons can I find to support why Christianity is true? WHY is Christianity true?
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">I realized then that I should be asking the question: IS Christianity true?</span>But I realized then that I should be asking the question: IS Christianity true? After all, every one else in other religions finds facts which confirm their beliefs, and ignore glaring falsehoods in order to cling to their false religion; it never occurred to them that their religion might actually be false. I realized I was doing the same thing.
<br /><br />
After a few months of reading the Bible through a couple times, and honestly asking myself during my research "Is Christianity true?", I came to the unwelcome realization: Christianity is not true. I am an atheist and no longer believe the Bible is God's word. I really, REALLY did not want to be an atheist because all my family, as well as my wife are very fervent Christians.
<br /><br />
However, I have a much clearer picture of reality, and am no longer confused about life. As a Christian, I was always wondering how to obtain the ever-elusive "relationship with God." I was always trying to find God's will for my life, and what direction he wanted me to go. I was always trying to sort out the hundreds of different biblical interpretations on the End Times. I was constantly in a state of shame because I knew I wasn't witnessing or reading my Bible enough.
<br /><br />
But now, I see that the reason I had such a hard time finding a relationship with God is because there is just no God to have a relationship with! I am no longer trying to find little hints, clues, and "open doors" which would show me what God wanted for my life; I know that I am in control of my own life. I no longer have to reconcile why God would let children die of cancer at the hospital I work at, but miraculously cured the eczema of Betty at church: life happens to all of us, and there is no God or Demons to blame for any of it. Although I wish it wasn't so hard being a closeted atheist (I know for certain my wife will never leave Christianity), it is much more refreshing having a personal relationship with reality, instead of playing pretend with an invisible God.
</div>Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-3302285490900703172022-08-14T16:14:00.003-04:002022-08-17T10:38:06.482-04:00Cracks in the Foundation<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzmKJxGX25qAIgWFC1-7OpEXsaiEQl3z8HXW6nDBYObNCiVK-gN_Zh83LXABEvZQt-5TY_U3YBnJK4BzbfgEnSR601Gikj1YtfHZNJk29BbYI4DZOf5uN1ffMgbapToXFwhnxbc0WeZJuO6ZGKbeJ7YI22Ih551GaFZKQ8h1eKj00poTK3MsmMRaDG/s800/cracksinfoundation.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="418" data-original-width="800" height="334" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzmKJxGX25qAIgWFC1-7OpEXsaiEQl3z8HXW6nDBYObNCiVK-gN_Zh83LXABEvZQt-5TY_U3YBnJK4BzbfgEnSR601Gikj1YtfHZNJk29BbYI4DZOf5uN1ffMgbapToXFwhnxbc0WeZJuO6ZGKbeJ7YI22Ih551GaFZKQ8h1eKj00poTK3MsmMRaDG/w640-h334/cracksinfoundation.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><i>By Brad N ~</i></div><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span>t is rare when I find someone with a common testimonial for their de-conversion out of religion, mainly Christianity. I hope to find others who have found freedom from a similar starting point as myself. Here is my story.
<br /><br />
I grew up non-denomination in a healthy loving home. My parents were regular in their church attendance, prayer, bible reading, and were weekly 10% tithers. I admit that nothing was very striking about my childhood and my parents set a relatively good example. No abuse, very little shame, but a lot of worship music led by trendy Christian rock bands (the Christian band <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stellar_Kart" target="_blank">Stellar Kart</a> actually originated out of <a href="https://www.mountainridge.org/" target="_blank">my church)</a>. Eventually, after I got married, my wife and I found ourselves on a more conservative path and soon became Presbyterian, a denomination that many Christians consider a “stricter” sect of the faith, but still very reputable. I enjoyed my time as a Presbyterian; I started questioning many of the basic beliefs of Christianity I was raised on about baptism, how to worship God appropriately, what to expect in the “end times”, and how best to discipline my children (“spare the rod spoil the child”!). All in all my family and I were very happy in our faith and ha d a strong community that loved and supported us on our life’s journey to honor and please God in everything that we did. This peachy <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Kinkade" target="_blank">Thomas Kinkaid</a> style Christian life would soon to come crashing down in a very quick and unexpected way.
<br /><br />
I have always enjoyed learning more and more about Christianity, I think my inquisitive nature is what helped spur my interest into Presbyterian theology and way of life. In fact, I enjoyed learning as much as I could about any religion, finding all the holes and inconsistencies plaguing others’ beliefs but rarely finding fault in my own. One afternoon, while innocently reading a book about a new line of Christian theology I was not familiar with, I found myself becoming very persuaded by its content. The major tenets of the Christian faith were not being threatened based on this book’s interpretation and use of scripture, but a strong case was being made that shook me to the core on some very important but less essential biblical tapestry. How could my interpretation of scripture seem so right and perfect, and yet this author was turning much of what I believed right on its head! How could we both use the same passages in the bible to come very different yet defendable positions, we could not both be right! Other more liberal Christian faiths may simply have overlooked the discrepancies and allowed for more open interpretations of scripture, as long as the belief in an eternal God and salvation through his eternal son remained intact. My strict Presbyterian truth seeking heart could not reconcile the differences however, and here begins the first mental shift of objectivity that lightened my path and began my first steps towards freedom from the lies of my faith.
<br /><br />
Unable to reconcile the interpretations between my beliefs and those presented in the book, I remember still, sitting at my kitchen table, the sudden and organic moment that the scales of subjectivity began peeling back from my eyes. The light began to enter. I felt for the first time a moment of clarity in which I could see my religion objectively and fairly. I whispered, "what if we are both wrong? What if Christianity is also a man made scam"? Albeit terrified of what I would find, I pounced on this opportunity and began a three-week deep dive down the almost endless rabbit holes of my faith. I quickly began to see more and more how blind I was to the fallacies I applied to protecting my own faith, my own religion. Only when I was free to see clearly was I able to easily apply the same skepticism to Christianity that I so happily applied to all other religions. Here are a few of the things I learned in those three weeks, the initial cracks in the foundation, that started the eroding process of my faith that eventually led to a complete religious collapse.
<br /><br /><ol style="text-align: left;"><li><a href="https://www.jpost.com/opinion/op-ed-contributors/the-exodus-does-archaeology-have-a-say-348464" target="_blank">The Exodus in the Old Testament never happened</a>. There is no evidence of any mass migration of over 1 million people leaving Egypt at one time. </li><br /><li><a href="https://bibleoutsidethebox.blog/2017/09/30/yes-the-four-gospels-were-originally-anonymous-part-1/" target="_blank">No one knows the real authors of Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John</a>, they were selected by the Catholic church in the early 200’s AD, without good reason, except to provide compelling credence and authority to each letter’s substance. </li><br /><li>Jesus is mentioned in no sources outside of the bible until 93 A.D. by historian <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josephus" target="_blank">Josephus Flavius</a> in his writing Jewish Antiquities. Even then, much debate is presented about the <a href="https://www.richardcarrier.info/archives/7437" target="_blank">inclusion of Jesus being inserted</a> by the Catholic church much later to give “added” evidence to Jesus’ historical veracity. More than likely no outside sources ever mentioned the person of Jesus until the early 2nd century.</li><br /><li>The virgin birth was never intended to be a prophecy and was fabricated by the author of Matthew based on a <a href="https://www.bibleodyssey.org/en/people/related-articles/was-there-really-a-virgin-birth-in-the-bible" target="_blank">faulty interpretation of Isaiah from the Greek Septuagint</a> (or the Greek translation of the Old Testament), it was completely made up. </li><br /><li>Lastly, the dozens (possibly hundreds) of contradictions that plague the bible, just look up “<a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=biblical+contradictions&rlz=1CAOJUW_enUS963US963&oq=biblical+contradictions&aqs=chrome..69i57.387385j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8" target="_blank">biblical contradictions</a>” in Google and read them for yourselves.
</li></ol><br />
I could honestly keep going, but these are the initial five that really spurred a fire inside that began the burn down structure of my faith. In less than two months I would consider myself an ex-Christian, on my way to full-blown atheism. I had no interest in exploring other faiths. The only ones I would consider even possible of being supported by evidence would be those offshoots of Judaism or Christianity. But this is only half my story. The more challenging and heart wrenching part was telling my wife and kids.
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">Only when I was free to see clearly was I able to easily apply the same skepticism to Christianity that I so happily applied to all other religions.</span>Although I would not fully “give up on God”, as many would come to say, until two months after the start of my de-conversion process, it was three weeks into my study that I felt it was time to let my wife in on my mental and spiritual meanderings. I was on my way out and she had to know. This began the most difficult 4-year span of my entire life up to this point. My wife and I were both 28 when I left the faith. I sat her down one evening, on our little green couch, and simply told her, “I have something very important I need to talk to you about”, with a somber and defeated disposition. Of course, I knew her first thought would be that I had had an affair, I was quick to affirm this was not the case, but that what I had to say would still be very difficult to hear. As much as I thought I would never speak these following words out loud, neither did my wife. We were Christians, in love with Jesus, and living together and looking forward to eternity in heaven with our family! I finally built the courage and told her, “I think I have lost my faith in God and I see no way in coming back”. I think a part of her died that day. I feared the impact these words would have on her for days leading up to the disclosure and my feelings were warranted. A hundred thoughts spiraled through her mind, and I saw, no I felt, the wave of desperation hit with full impact. She knew me well. She knew that I was not one to accept or change my beliefs without very good reason, so in hearing me utter these words came the definitive understanding that I was serious, and this was no mere “test of faith” or temporary falling away that many people experience, only to come back more in love with God than ever. For weeks we prayed together, cried together, and talked endlessly on all the things I had read and learned about Christianity and why I now felt it was a man made religion, just like all the others.
<br /><br />
My reason for leaving the faith was not constructed from bad experiences, abuses, lingering doubts of the existence of God, falling into sin, or feeling abandoned by my maker during a difficult life moment. No. My experience was organic, holistic, not being sought after. It just happened. In essence, my experience is different from many others in that it was so spontaneous. At the time, my family and I reeling from the blow, I wished I had never started questioning my faith. I desired to have remained happily ignorant of the things that I had come to learn and regretted the pain and anguish this brought my wife. For months she would cry out to God for my deliverance. Alas, God never heard her prayers. It was a tough departure with a hard landing, there was no soft place to set down when I took the leap. I was scared for a thousand different reasons of what would come next -- would my wife and I make it through, where would I now find my meaning and purpose, would I ever find lasting joy again without a loving God to guide my way, how would my oldest feel when I informed him I no longer believed the things about God and heaven I had taught him up to this point in his little life? I did not return to God and now 7 years in I am so thankful for the journey I experienced, where I am today and for what my future looks like. I have never been happier in my life. There is beautiful light at the end of the tunnel for those that are willing to seek it.
<br /><br />
If my testimony is in any way impactful or others desire to know more, please let me know. I can write a Part 2 and follow up on the proceeding years after leaving the faith and the impacts it has had and continues to have on me and my family, the good and the bad. I can also cite the resources I used for the five claims I made that started my journey out of faith.
<br /><br />
Best of luck fellow truth seekers. I am happy to be part of this journey with you.Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-33636122889263742242022-07-06T11:30:00.002-04:002022-07-06T11:35:46.799-04:00Christianity and Conspiracies to De-conversion and Agnosticism<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnOYsGZ5TzJB5jb49oWR4yBKtStN8Knj3z6hdjmWHAYoioiXtWOSBH0FVB6m9Dr1bYzVSn_WIwCIeFmIUfsSF2r4SnqanVdYICXo0mv4HrZkLakUstKmu_ecUjRMCGFYJxmPybQ05ao77fRxmKJzba7lMinwQt-9VlN4jWBUe2N-FV95whlXVhLCoy/s5472/mapofjourney.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="5472" data-original-width="3648" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnOYsGZ5TzJB5jb49oWR4yBKtStN8Knj3z6hdjmWHAYoioiXtWOSBH0FVB6m9Dr1bYzVSn_WIwCIeFmIUfsSF2r4SnqanVdYICXo0mv4HrZkLakUstKmu_ecUjRMCGFYJxmPybQ05ao77fRxmKJzba7lMinwQt-9VlN4jWBUe2N-FV95whlXVhLCoy/w427-h640/mapofjourney.jpg" width="427" /></a></div><i>By Pinkbunion ~</i></div><br />
Hello everyone, this is my first time to post on this forum, and I'm quite nervous about it. I am a former Christian, specifically, Roman Catholic, who fell in the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories artound 2010 while looking up my favorite band. That Internet search result linked the band's name with the Illuminati. So, I ended up on <a href="https://vigilantcitizen.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">vigilantcitizen.com</a>, got intrigued by the articles, and on it went. These beliefs were pretty much maintained until the year 2020. My deconversion all started last September 2020, when I watched a conspiracy theorist video that exposed the evil of the Old Testament (the video creator was not Christian) and the reasons why some crazier conspiracy theories were false. So, first, I am going to relate what happened to my beliefs from 2010-2014, where it remained the same. Second, I'll discuss what I believed during 2014-2020, where there was a shift in my beliefs and I became more committed and certain of it. Finally, I'll state my beliefs from September 2020 to now, when I deconverted.
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span> grew up on the typical Roman Catholic religion in the Philippines, where we have to attend mass every Sunday, pray before every meal, pray the rosary every night, act properly and follow the rules on morality. Before 2010, I did not really mind the religion at all. I just accepted it as part of my life, and it just being there. I just believed and accepted it since it was what my parents, neighbors, and community believed. After 2010, it still stayed the same. However, with the inclusion of conspiracy theories and conspiracy videos that emphasized Christian wording, and mixing Christian ideas with the theories, I suddenly took the religion seriously. For example, theorists usually said that they the elite are going to control the world and the rapture will come, and it's going to be hell for those who will be left behind, or that it's ok if you're alone and no one believes in your conspiracy theories, since the Christian people/conspiracy theorists are "peculiar people", and "not of the world". My faith became stronger, I leaned more on God and the Christian religion as a way of facing the grim and often hopeless picture the conspiracy theorists were painting. There were times I became more paranoid, more serious, and kind of avoidant and scared of the world, and distrustful of people around me, because of the conspiracy theories. Christianity became the comfort for me in this conspiracy world, where I leaned on the Trinity in times of trouble and doing my best to follow God's rules so that he will protect me from misfortune. I, of course, had no community in real life to tell this to, so the conspiracy theorists became my community. I told none of my parents or family about this, since I was afraid of the backlash.
<br /><br />
During 2014-2020, I noticed that a lot of conspiracy theorists that I watched rejected religion. They despised how the church was too formulaic, too rules based and restricting. They didn't want to join Church, and instead, wanted to have a personal, individual relationship with Jesus. I just continued and followed with whatever they told me, just like before, since it was where I got my purpose in life and a general understanding of life. I never really thought to stop and think if these things were real. A community is hard to find for me at this point because most of the people around me were your typical Christian believers, therefore, these conspiracy theorists were my community, as it were. I also didn't tell anyone about my new belief, since I was afraid of what their reaction might be. During this time, my faith grew stronger, I became genuinely happy about my relationship with Jesus, but not the religion. I used the bible as my inspiration and guide to life. I leaned to the Trinity during troubled times. Everything was good, except that I had doubts. I expressed this to my elder sister, who, even though she was still Christian, was open to modern ideas, and unlike my parents who were somewhat close minded to these ideas, especially my dad. I doubted about whether or not it's true that being one of the LGBTQ+ is bad, is it necessary to pray repetitively (e.g. the rosary) for God to hear us when the Bible says that doing so is not allowed, is there really a Heaven and Hell, is it ok for a God of infinite love to withdraw his protection from his children or allow them to get hurt and be angry with them when they do a teeny weeny wrong act, such as thinking 1 bad thought, etc. I never told any of these to my parents in a serious manner or conversation, since I know they won't accept it and they'll keep justifying their beliefs. Regarding conspiracy theories, I just believed in the famous ones as they came, like the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pizzagate_conspiracy_theory" target="_blank">Pizzagate theory</a>, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/feb/21/crisis-actors-deep-state-false-flag-the-rise-of-conspiracy-theory-code-words" target="_blank">fake actors in false flag events</a>, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/QAnon" target="_blank">QAnon</a> etc. I really had not a lot of doubts about them, since I just watched the conspiracy theory videos and swallowed whatever they told me, and I didn't believe in the more bizarre conspiracy theories (even though the famous ones are bizarre enough) like <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flat_Earth" target="_blank">Flat Earth</a> or that <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reptilian_conspiracy_theory" target="_blank">elite people are lizard men</a>. I was even <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaccine_hesitancy" target="_blank">anti-vaxx</a>, and at one point didn't believe in Covid.
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">I am a former Christian [...] who fell in the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories [...] like the Pizzagate theory, crisis actors, QAnon, etc. </span>As the years went by, I felt my doubts about religion grow. I even watched a Christian YouTube channel that claimed God can heal any disease, as long as you pray a certain way. I had doubts about this, since it was too good to be true, especially during Covid time. During this time, I went from not believing that Covid exists to it existing, but that we didn't need to wear masks or social distance. I changed my belief because I thought that it was too unbelievable that the whole world will undergo a really drastic change that affects everything - socially, mentally, financially, economically etc., in a person's, nation's and community's life, if Covid wasn't true. However, I still followed these rules when I went outside in order to avoid trouble. In that year, I unsubscribed from a lot of conspiracy theorists on Youtube because I think they spread a lot of the more bizarre conspiracy theories, which I didn't believe, but I still followed a lot of them. Then, on the year 2020, I unsubscribed from most of the conspiracy theorists on Youtube, since I now doubted more of the conspiracy stuff in general.
<br /><br />
So on to the year 2020. During September, I watched a Youtube video from a conspiracy theorist that I always watch. He was into meditation and posted a lot about meditation videos along with the theories. He stated how the Old Testament was evil, since it requires a blood sacrifice and loss of life for forgiveness, which in truth, was unnecessary. He also had several videos like this that I watched. He also posted several videos about how some conspiracy theories were false or were posted by other "conspiracy truthers" for money and views. Starting from that point on, I doubted the 2 world views. It was crazy how they were intertwined in my life, and how they broke together at the same time. The double fracture of my two world views breaking (world of Christianity and world of conspiracy theories) was like dropping a BIIIG 2,000 megaton nuclear bomb, on a nuclear testing site!
<br /><br />
Since then, I have started from Spiritual to not Religious, then Atheism, then Deism, then Atheism again, and right now, Agnostic. Maybe my belief system changes depending on what information I get. My feelings during this time were varied, going from up and down. During my <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_but_not_religious" target="_blank">Spiritual But Not Religious</a> (SBNR for short) phase, I was very sad because I just lost the faith that defined most of my life up to this point. So, I was still getting various ideas about God and I felt like floating, not sure on what to believe. Then, I switched to the Atheism after that, I found some ideas helpful in improving my life, but I was still sad for losing the stability and community of the previous religion. Furthermore, I then tried Deism. It was great since it recognized there's a God and there's a respect for other religions. However, I still can't square with their belief in God and how I could apply it in my life. Moreover, I moved back to Atheism again. Atheism helped me in several areas of my personality, but I was still yearning for spirituality. So, right now, I think I have decided that being open minded and balanced in my world view, instead of settling for one belief system, is better, and thus, I settled for Agnosticism. I still think I need some spirituality in my life, so Agnosticism allows that, but it doesn't restrict me to any one system, and allows me to explore new ideas and see how it affects me and others and how it feels.
<br /><br />
I have changed in my belief systems over the years. During 2010 and before, I have started by taking the religion as granted. Then, from 2010-2014, I became more serious with it as I encountered conspiracy theories and their inclusion of religious belief in their ideas. Moreover, from 2014-2020, I moved from a religious Christianity to a more personal Christian spirituality. At the same time, my doubts about the religion and conspiracy theories grew. Finally, from September 2020, up to now, I have experienced the deconversion from both worldviews and its huge effects on my life. Right now, I still hope to discover more about the world through the lens of agnosticism. Its open-ended aspect allows me to explore different ways to see the world and act on life. At the moment, I'm happy with my choice and I hope that those who deconverted will have the strength to see it through too and have happy lives. It took some courage to finally tell the world of my experiences, but cheers to myself and to others for doing so, and let's have fun in the journey ahead!!
Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-2391218961356781112022-06-18T13:00:00.004-04:002022-06-18T13:15:36.762-04:00How My Mind Was Set Free<div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCww-Enp3jDS_AsbsWtImt7igQQWPSiYUbo3syLwcy4474dPTAGnRyAulqQx4yIbH4tbwdCZuAvjJaLI-ALxT82pUwzlFzWMXQxRMmMHTJial2sVuoA_9mBHYUAVzHSVc0atK3_0dx1MizEwLXQwX1V3NB9bpqvtRR1HE0RnxNgGOjtiKR3DawxDGP/s768/mindsetfree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="512" data-original-width="768" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCww-Enp3jDS_AsbsWtImt7igQQWPSiYUbo3syLwcy4474dPTAGnRyAulqQx4yIbH4tbwdCZuAvjJaLI-ALxT82pUwzlFzWMXQxRMmMHTJial2sVuoA_9mBHYUAVzHSVc0atK3_0dx1MizEwLXQwX1V3NB9bpqvtRR1HE0RnxNgGOjtiKR3DawxDGP/s16000/mindsetfree.jpg" /></a></div><i><div><i><br /></i></div>By Merle Hertzler (<a href="https://mindsetfree.blog/">https://mindsetfree.blog/</a>) ~ </i>
<br /><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="dropcap">I</span> learned early that I was not to question my religion. I was to simply have faith. And yet somehow the questions would still come. I would sometimes question the Bible. How did we know it was God’s Word? I would sometimes question Jesus. How did we know he was God? I never dared to ask these questions out loud, but in my own mind, yes, I asked these questions often.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The questions demanded attention. But simultaneously, there was always the nagging fear of what would happen if I died while I was in a state that questioned the faith. I simply could not take that chance. The consequences of dying in doubt could well be unimaginable.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So, I asked questions, yes, but I always knew what the answer needed to be. The side of my mind that argued for Christ had to beat out the side that argued against.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It is as if my mind included an advocate for the faith, an advocate against the faith, and a referee. The referee always sided with the advocate for the faith. And so, the advocate for the faith always won, two to one.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Those times were never fun. I longed to be free from doubts. And so, by sheer willpower, I pushed those questions aside.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But my mind was not really free.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Many years later, the dam would break. The questions would come out–gradually at first, then with a rush. And when it was all over, my mind was free.</span></p><div align="center" style="font-size: 12pt; text-align: center;"><hr align="center" size="2" width="100%" /></div><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I grew up in a conservative Mennonite home. We didn’t listen to secular music, watched only a select few TV shows, and centered our lives on conservative religion.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When I was 14 years old, my family and I joined a fundamentalist church, one that did not question the Bible. Fundamentalism became a way of life for me. Everything that entered my mind had to come through its filter. I soaked it all in.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was terrified of hell and would often lie awake at night worrying about it. Even in social settings, I would be sitting there thinking about hell. Fundamentalism offered a solution. It said that all one had to do was accept Jesus. So, I did it. Did I do it right? I didn’t know. So, I did it again. I still wasn’t sure that I had done it right. And so, I did it again and again in my mind. I prayed that God would be merciful to me a sinner. I invited Jesus into my heart. Over and over, I accepted him in any way I could think to accept Christ.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One day I read the tract, <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.wholesomewords.org/resources/saved.html&source=gmail&ust=1655657023023000&usg=AOvVaw1VogsHHWDv76_YN2Fz7QXI" href="https://www.wholesomewords.org/resources/saved.html" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">What Must I Do to Be Saved</a>, by John R Rice. It told me I did not need to concentrate on getting the act of believing right or saying the right words. I just needed to choose to believe. That’s it? All I needed to do was choose to believe? Fine. I chose to believe. Case closed. Let’s move on.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And so, I proceeded in life as though the case was closed. What a relief! I thought that everybody else surely had similar worries and needed to know this news of deliverance from hell.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Grace, my fears relieved”, the old song says, but before that, “It was grace that taught my heart to fear.” Religion offered a cure for my fears. But what had caused the fears? Religion. Does Christianity invent the fears it then relieves? Is it solving a problem that it created?</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I found relief from my fears. But to tell you the truth, faith did not do a really good job of it. The fear of hell had finally become manageable, yes, but it was always in the background.</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As a Fundamentalist Baptist</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In college, I joined an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church, which then controlled every aspect of my life. I went door to door on the streets of the Bible belt, witnessing to those who may have missed God’s plan of salvation. Everybody at this church was told to be a soul winner. The pastor boomed his message from the pulpit, yelling at those who stayed home on visitation night. We had to be out there winning souls.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We didn’t want anybody to die and go to hell without knowing the way of salvation. If somebody didn’t know, then we needed to tell them. I wonder now, why did God need <em>us</em> to tell that story? Didn’t he have all the resources he needed? If we failed to tell somebody, and as a result that person suffered for eternity without ever having known the escape plan, how could a loving God let that happen? I never asked those questions back then. I was winning souls.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The pastor also yelled at those that listened to rock music, gave less than 10% of their income to the church, had the wrong haircut, or attended a movie theater. We were told exactly how to live our lives, and we obediently followed. It was the only life we knew.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In my senior year of college (1978) the pastor [<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/%23f1&source=gmail&ust=1655657023023000&usg=AOvVaw1R58bVpMb7GowteWW7y_tc" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/#f1" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">1</a>] moved to another church, and the church [<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/wp-admin/post.php?post%3D588%26action%3Dedit%23f2&source=gmail&ust=1655657023023000&usg=AOvVaw2HQdR3STsQdv2InMuFO8XJ" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/wp-admin/post.php?post=588&action=edit#f2" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">2</a>] deteriorated into disarray. I was confused. This was all I had to live for, and it had fallen apart. I saw the dark side of the church. There was chaos at some church functions. Once when we were singing <em>Just as I Am</em> over and over as an alter call, people became so bored that the song died in the middle and we never finished it. I had thought that we were saving the world. Now I looked at the lives that had been saved and wondered if it had meant anything.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Meanwhile, I watched as the story of Jim Jones and the mass suicide in Guyana appeared on TV. The story of those poor people following every command of their leader seemed all too real to me. I had been living my life much like they had. I could understand why they followed so obediently. Religion can do that to a person. Had I been deluded also?</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There was something else that bothered me. I had been reading through the Bible every year since I was in 11th grade–every word of every verse–and was disturbed about what I was reading. Have you ever read the tales of killing, greed, and arrogance that fill the Old Testament? Do you ever question their relevance? I was not sure that I could trust the Bible any longer. As my confidence in the Bible withered, apathy set in.</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Despair</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I graduated from college with no meaning to life. My Christian hope had gone. I cannot begin to describe the despair that filled my life for the first two years after graduation. There was nothing to live for. I wanted to be happy, but I didn’t know why that would matter. Two hundred years from now, who would ever care if the bones left behind had supported a happy person or a sad person? Probably nobody would ever care.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But somehow, I cared. And I wasn’t sure why. I wanted to be happy. But instead, I knew apathy, bitterness, struggle, frustration, anger and confusion.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When my Christian hope had faded, why didn’t I look for something else? I didn’t know there was another way. I had grown up in Christian schools, Sunday schools, and Bible studies. The Bible was the only hope I knew, and it now seemed so inadequate. I never thought to look elsewhere–such is the grip that religion can have. I wish now that somebody had told me how to live <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/is-there-happiness-without-jesus/&source=gmail&ust=1655657023023000&usg=AOvVaw2czEspJ6xsEMIGGT0wIeDZ" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/is-there-happiness-without-jesus/" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank" title="Is There Happiness without Jesus?">the good life without the Bible</a>. But I would not learn that until many years later.</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Digging out</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In desperation, I turned to Christian books. I had no intention of going back to my Independent Fundamentalist Baptist days. I thought that perhaps a milder brand of Christianity could help. As I read, I felt encouraged. Was God leading me back to himself? I thought that he was. And so, I made a commitment to walk close to the Lord again. I found that Christianity worked much better for me than apathy.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I would often go to a park and find a forsaken place alone with God where I could pray. I would pour out my heart to God, and I would leave refreshed. I took this as proof that Christianity was true.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was soon to find the writings of C. S. Lewis. I found them fascinating. He did not just quote Bible verses. He used reason. I liked that. I read his books with enthusiasm and formed a new outlook on life.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was back to seeing myself and others as rebellious sinners against God. I believed that I had rebelled against God, and that this had brought on the two years of depression. It was all my fault.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I saw others also in the same light as I saw myself. If somebody did something that hurt me, then I figured they must be doing it because they had given in to their evil, sinful nature. I would get bitter at those who had followed their inner sinful self in ways that hurt me. Sometimes I snapped at people and let them know how bad they were. That wasn’t good.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But I also found that religion helped me to keep my mouth shut. If inside I was bad, then I needed to keep that bad anger inside. It came from my fallen nature. I would not want my fallen nature to express itself like this. I wanted only my new positive nature, as produced by the Holy Spirit, to come out. So, the old, angry words were constrained. I set out to surrender my basic wants and desires to God.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I now was turning back to faith, not because I feared hell, but because I needed to avoid the despair associated with depression. I was no longer following the Independent Baptist tradition, but one thing I knew, I had had purpose and hope in those college days. And that was certainly better than the depression that had followed. So even if I was not convinced that my Independent Baptist days were on the right path, I figured that at least my life back then had been better. So I thought I needed faith to have purpose in this life. I just needed to make a few adjustments.</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Problem of Pain</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I had a low view of human nature. Such views may look strange in light of what many now say in today’s Evangelical churches. These churches have often adopted a feel good, psychological approach to life that seeks to build our self-esteem and encourages us to accept ourselves and our feelings. Many Evangelicals do this in spite of the doctrine of human depravity that is still in Evangelical theology.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It was not long ago that the view of humanity as totally depraved was dominant, not only in fundamentalist churches, but in mainstream Protestant sources like the writings of C.S. Lewis. Since Lewis’s views were so foundational to me at that time, I will digress here to discuss the view of humanity that appears in his book, <em>The Problem of Pain</em>. He writes:</span></p><blockquote><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A recovery of the old sense of sin is essential to Christianity. Christ takes it for granted that men are bad. Until we really feel this assumption of His to be true, though we are part of the world He came to save, we are not part of the audience to whom his words are addressed, [<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/%23f3&source=gmail&ust=1655657023023000&usg=AOvVaw21OZWQ6Ku-aKhkQ6HxQqoS" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/#f3" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">3</a>]</span></p></blockquote><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Lewis thought that we are bad people, and that God was angry with us for being bad. Lewis thought that Christianity offered no hope to those who did not share this view.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He went on to say that some Christians might ask, “What call has God, of all beings, to be angry with us?” Lewis responded to his own rhetorical question, declaring it to be a blasphemous question:</span></p><blockquote><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now at the moment when a man feels real guilt–moments too rare in our lives–all of these blasphemies vanish away… At such a moment we really do know that our character, as revealed in [some sinful] action, is, and ought to be, hateful to all good men, and, if there are powers above man, to them. A God who did not regard this with unappeasable distaste would not be a good being…When we merely say that we are bad, the “wrath” of God seems a barbarous doctrine; as soon as we <em>perceive </em>our badness, it appears inevitable, a mere corollary from God’s goodness. [<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/%23f4&source=gmail&ust=1655657023023000&usg=AOvVaw1xQH2IGpY_6gURVzK3L4kq" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/#f4" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">4</a>]</span></p></blockquote><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Guilt is far too rare? Really? Lewis was not merely telling us that our actions are bad, but also that our very <em>character</em> is something that God hates with <em>unappeasable distaste</em>. He was saying that God is justified in having wrath toward us. For after all, at our very core, we are guilty, bad people.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Why are we so bad? Lewis contended that it is because of Adam’s sin. Can God then blame us for Adam’s sin? Lewis responds to this question:</span></p><blockquote><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Theoretically, I suppose, we might say “Yes, we behave like vermin, but then that is because we <em>are</em> vermin. And that, at any rate, is not our fault.” But the fact that we are vermin, so far from being felt as an excuse, is a greater shame and grief to us than any of the particular acts which it leads us to commit. [<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/%23f5&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw2wdP7OE9zf1wdoWe08TV60" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/#f5" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">5</a>]</span></p></blockquote><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So we find that we are born as vermin. And Lewis says that it is a shame and grief to us that we are vermin. What is the Christian to do? He continues,</span></p><blockquote><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now the proper good of a creature is to surrender itself to its Creator… In the world as we know it, the problem is how to recover this self-surrender. We are not merely imperfect creatures who must be improved: we are, as Newman said, rebels who must lay down our arms…Hence the necessity to die daily: however often we think we have broken the rebellious self we shall still find it alive…The human spirit will not even begin to surrender self-will as long as all seems to be well with it. [<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/wp-admin/post.php?post%3D588%26action%3Dedit%23f6&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw0T4_qDidA75ENpb8NSiE_a" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/wp-admin/post.php?post=588&action=edit#f6" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">6</a>]</span></p></blockquote><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Do you get the picture? Lewis describes us all as inherently depraved descendants of Adam, as evil rebels. We need to die to our own internal wants. Suffering, he claims, is the tool that God uses to affect this change. His books were the biggest influence in my philosophy of life at that time. I also knew of a number of scripture verses to support this low view of humanity (e.g. <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search%3DJob%252042%253A6%26version%3DNKJV&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw0nWtriXlB9QBBflGPGR03C" href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job%2042%3A6&version=NKJV" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Job 42:6</a>, <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language%3Denglish%26version%3DNASB%26passage%3DIs%2B64%253A6%26x%3D16%26y%3D8&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw3g6ahJoPrh-23oocBihNmd" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language=english&version=NASB&passage=Is+64%3A6&x=16&y=8" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Is 64:6</a>, <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language%3Denglish%26version%3DNASB%26passage%3DLu.17%253A10%26x%3D16%26y%3D6&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw0gJ3rgul9msG-hIMIzskmv" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language=english&version=NASB&passage=Lu.17%3A10&x=16&y=6" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Lu.17:10</a>, and <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language%3De%250D%2520nglish%26version%3DNASB%26passage%3DRom.%2B3%253A10-19%26x%3D13%26y%3D9&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw1hxqFe_3qsczXLe1EDix2u" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language=e%0D%20nglish&version=NASB&passage=Rom.+3%3A10-19&x=13&y=9" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Rom. 3:10-19</a>).</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I look at it now, and do not think that I had a very healthy perspective. But this philosophy was mild compared with the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist tradition that I had come out of. And it certainly worked better than apathy. This outlook gave me a reason to live. At the time I assumed that it worked because it was right. Now, I think that it worked because it gave me a purpose. Other ways would have worked better.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">C. S. Lewis showed me that life was rough, yes, but that was because we needed pain to change us from vermin to what we should be. Fine. Life is hard, but there was a reason for it. God was dealing with the old me, the vermin. I pushed onwards. And it seemed to be working.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I had found this one great pillar to support my rebuild of faith: Christianity is worthwhile because the path that I had found within Christianity works, at least it works for me.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That pillar would one day collapse on me when it was shown to be inadequate. The observation that faith made me feel better is simply not a good reason to say that the faith is true. But at that time the reasoning seemed solid.</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Creationism</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There was a second great pillar on which I based my faith. This pillar had stood firm even during the days of despair. I was quite familiar with the teachings of Henry Morris and the young Earth creationists. I thought that this was the most logical explanation for how life began. They argued that the Earth was created by God a few thousand years ago, just as the Bible said. During the time of Noah, a great flood covered the Earth. This flood buried many animals, I was told, and these became the fossils we see today. Creationists argued that all this was supported by scientific findings.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Creationists argued that evolution was impossible. They said that creationism was consistent with true science, but evolution was pseudoscience. I listened to this side only and was convinced.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Other things in the Bible may perhaps be wrong. I was finding simply too many <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/is-the-bible-perfect/&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw3P5CbI8jc5If41WPUCyG-c" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/is-the-bible-perfect/" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank" title="Is the Bible Perfect?">problems with the Bible.</a> But I had these two great pillars of my faith: a belief that Christianity as I knew it worked; and a belief that Genesis was the best explanation of origins.</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Exposure to Enlightened Views</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In 1987 I moved to the suburbs of Philadelphia and found an exciting Evangelical church. I met many wonderful people and quickly became involved in many aspects of the program. I had found a home and was happy.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Some of the Christians at this church came from a range of religious backgrounds. This was new to me. Some people disagreed with the way I understood Christianity. Some did not agree with me that the earth was only a few thousand years old, for instance, or that the fossils had come from Noah’s flood.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Others told me that my religious philosophy did not work, that other philosophies worked better. There were big differences. I thought that we should despise our evil inner self; they thought that we should love ourselves. I thought that we must work hard to keep the evil anger inside of us from coming out; they thought that anger was there because we had not vented our anger. I thought that the big problem was overestimating oneself and overconfidence; they thought that the big problem was low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. I thought that we needed to die to ourselves; they thought that we need to discover ourselves and self-actualize. I thought that God made us feel guilty about our evil feelings; they thought it was the devil that wanted us to feel guilty about natural feelings. I thought that God allowed people to mistreat us because that was his way of molding our character; they thought that mistreatment damaged our psyche, often requiring counseling to overcome t he effects. They thought my philosophy was depressing.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Do you understand why this was a difficult pill for me to swallow? This was a main pillar of my Christian faith–the belief that my Bible-supported views worked. Now here were Christians telling me that my version did not work well. What did they mean it didn’t work well? It absolutely did work. It worked far better for me than the apathy and the depression I had been in. And I had scripture to back it up.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It was not easy for me to accept that my way did not work well and was not based on truth. So, I prayed about it and read the Bible. And what do you think happened when I prayed? That’s right. I was convinced that <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/does-god-speak-to-us/&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw3ToqMvZXUUbv6w1wWg6lT3" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/does-god-speak-to-us/" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank" title="Does God Speak to Us?">God was telling me I was right</a>. Seriously, who was I to go against what God was saying to me?</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My friends and I all agreed that Christianity had the best answers to life. My experience and prayers told me that my version worked better. Their experiences and prayers told them that their version worked better. Who was right?</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Computer Debates</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was soon to have my eyes opened to many other philosophies that supposedly worked best. I would soon meet believers in Mormonism, Islam, Bahai, Judaism, Wicca, and Atheism. Each was sure that his way had worked for him, thus showing that it was the best.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was going to also hear of many psychological solutions, again with testimonials for each claiming that it was better than other techniques. I was not the only one who had claimed that my experience proved that I was right. Lots of people were claiming that they had tried something, and this made them feel better. Do all philosophies work? Some researchers had looked at the conflicting cures within psychology and wrote, “Is it true that ‘Everyone has won, and all must have prizes’?” [<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/%23f8&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw380uf6rF4EBkoQoOzrK51y" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/#f8" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">7</a>] Indeed!</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I met these people of many religions in the CompuServe debate forum, back in the days when one used a modem to dial into a computer instead of using the Internet. I began to participate in the religion section. I actively debated religion and psychology with anybody that wanted to discuss them. This was to become an important focus of my life.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The biggest lesson I learned during these debates was how to form an argument. It was not enough for me to state that Jay Adams, C. S. Lewis, or Thomas Szasz had written something that agreed with me on a particular point. After all, one can find somebody who will agree with almost any religious viewpoint that he expresses. I needed a more effective argument.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My favorite resource was the <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://psychoheresy-aware.org/&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw10wPTjrjkMHILFvyDfHlmq" href="http://psychoheresy-aware.org/" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank" title="Psychoheresy Awareness Ministry">Psychoheresy Awareness Ministry </a>of Martin and Deidre Bobgan. They referred to psychological experiments to support their arguments, and often quoted scientific journals. I found that when I described experiments people often listened to what I had to say and were less likely to attack my writings. I developed a love for scientific experiments and the scientific journals that described them.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And so began a regular series of trips to the Philadelphia Public Library, and later, a university library. I would make lists of articles that favored my positions and would go to the library to get more ammunition for my side.</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cracks in the Foundation</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">These trips became time-consuming, and so, in 1992, I subscribed to my favorite journal, <em>The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology</em>. At $247 a year, this represented a major desire to learn the truth. Having made the commitment, I was determined to learn something from each issue. I began to read papers whether I thought they agreed with my position or not. This was a change for me. I was not merely reading to prove I was right. I was reading to learn.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I read some papers that were enlightening. I read that trying to suppress thoughts can make them stronger. [<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/%23f9&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw1dcyNCF8ZrD8tBTProuptn" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/#f9" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">8</a>] Were my efforts to keep my true thoughts under control making those repressed thoughts stronger? I learned more about the function of self-esteem. Was my viewpoint of myself as an evil sinner harmful? Did my Christianity really not work as well as I had persuaded myself it had? Slowly, microscopic cracks began to develop in this great pillar of my faith. It was slow and subtle, but the cracks were beginning.</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Creationism Pillar Caves</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Meanwhile, a strange twist of fate put me right into the middle of the creation-evolution debate. That was not where I wanted to be, for these fights were often quite nasty. I couldn’t believe that I was there in the middle of it all. But I was not about to leave a good debate. I decided to let people know that evolution could not possibly happen.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I made some progress arguing that the complexity of genes made evolution difficult, but somebody wanted to know where all of those fossils had come from, if not from hundreds of millions of years of evolution. I suggested they might have been caused by Noah’s flood. My argument was defeated in one round. I was asked to explain how it is that we find rocks made of wind-blown sand in the midst of all these rocks under the earth. I had no answer. Wind certainly wouldn’t be blowing sand around under the floodwaters. I told myself the problem was that I was not familiar enough with that issue. So, I avoided the flood altogether until I could find better answers.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I never did find a satisfactory answer to this simple question, nor to many of the other <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/faq-noahs-ark.html&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw3y415GY3wf1J-q14i2AxNp" href="http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/faq-noahs-ark.html" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">problems with Noah’s flood</a>. So, I concentrated instead on problems that I perceived with the mechanism of evolution.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To make a long story short, this led me to a moment of epiphany in which I found myself in a library completely overwhelmed with the evidence for evolution. In shock, it dawned on me that I had no convincing case for my young Earth Creationism.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">After the dust had settled, 18 months later, I had switched to arguing for evolution. I <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/did-we-evolve/&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw3xqQdB5ZNhtWOE5K5OowFH" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/did-we-evolve/" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">describe this transition elsewhere</a>, and won’t repeat it here.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It was a complete change. Many people have survived the switch to evolution, and they still have faith. But the switch to evolution was traumatic for me. For I had two strong pillars left in my faith, the supposed evidence for creationism, and the understanding that Christianity works. The creationism pillar was now gone. The building above was resting on one unstable column.</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Second Pillar Caves</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Meanwhile the other pillar of my faith–the one that said conservative Christian philosophy worked–was severely cracking. When I had met people offering all kinds of psychological cures for the condition of the human heart, I had argued that some researchers had found that it was not just the specifics of the cure that helped people, but that it was the caring, nurturing relationship with a friendly helper that was doing more to build hope, and thus help troubled people. [<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/%23f9&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw1dcyNCF8ZrD8tBTProuptn" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/how-questioning-changed-me/#f9" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">9</a>] I argued that, therefore, others could not force a view on me that they found had worked for them. Perhaps the fact that they felt better had nothing to do with their method. Perhaps they were feeling better only because they were making a cooperative effort with others to address the problem.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One day somebody turned that argument on its end. He asked me how I knew that Christianity worked. Perhaps people were helped within Christianity because they were in a nurturing relationship with caring people, not because of the specifics of the Bible. I had been caught by my own argument, and I had no answer. I knew I could not be sure that it was Christianity that made the difference.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As this was happening, I was also needing to deal with the errors in the Bible. I had known about these problems for years, ever since I had read through the entire Bible six times in my youth. But I had found those two great pillars of my faith, and thus could ignore the Bible’s problems. Those pillars were now in shambles. And I was seeing skeptics on the forum arguing that the Bible commanded massacres (e.g. <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language%3Denglish%26version%3DNASB%26passage%3D1%2BSamuel%2B15%26x%3D11%26y%3D7&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw2xtglPDsXI5GacpZmmZIRR" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language=english&version=NASB&passage=1+Samuel+15&x=11&y=7" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">1 Samuel 15</a>); praised terrorism (e.g. <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language%3Denglish%26version%3DNASB%26passage%3DPsalm%2B137%253A8-9%26x%3D11%26y%3D7&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw0lWNpiqFwMLNMsI5UHOGTH" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language=english&version=NASB&passage=Psalm+137%3A8-9&x=11&y=7" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Psalm 137</a>); and allowed slavery (e.g. <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language%3Denglish%26version%3DNASB%26passage%3DExodus%2B21%26x%3D10%26y%3D8&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw2qLmQr2nQxfbZ2qDohaO_Y" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?language=english&version=NASB&passage=Exodus+21&x=10&y=8" rel="external nofollow" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">Exodus 21</a>). They pointed out contradictions in the Bible. I knew I had no chance against their arguments. It was no longer possible to ignore what the Bible said. My faith was crumbling.</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What should I do?</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I began to rapidly incorporate new ideas into my mind. I did my best to piece together a progressive philosophy of life that would keep my faith in spite of these problems. I experimented with ways to include evolution, an obviously errant Bible, a higher view of the self, and even Humanism into my Christianity.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Meanwhile, I moved on to other interests: country dancing, movies, and romance. Ah yes, romance. I fell in love with a very special lady, who has become my best companion in life. She has supported me through some tough times, and I am very grateful to her. She has a compassion and concern for others that I can only dream about. I had found somebody that I could love with all of my heart. We were soon to be married. She has not agreed with where my skepticism has finally led me, but she is always my best friend.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I had drifted away from participation in church. I now made one last effort to find my place again. There had been a radical change in my thought process. I was no longer the most conservative thinker on the block. Now I was perhaps the most liberal thinker at church. I persuaded myself that I could still fit in–after all it was the progressive element at church that started me on my journey–but I found it increasingly hard to identify with the church program. And I asked questions that surprised everyone.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There is no stopping the mind set free. It is like that first leak of water through the dam. It reaches a critical size, and then bursts free. My thoughts refused to stop. The dam had been broken. I read books that were critical of the Bible. I read the Bible from a whole new viewpoint. I found skeptical sites on the Internet. I asked many questions–many of which are on <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw1kNfg6_xQs-DJ8jyPcfouf" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/dare-to-question/" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank" title="Dare to Question">my website</a>. I found it harder and harder to identify myself as a Christian.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Even the label of <em>Liberal Christian</em> was losing its appeal. I could no longer believe the basics of Christianity. If I still identified as a Christian, while sidestepping the problems, was I committing <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://cdn.centerforinquiry.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/26/1998/07/22155909/p41.pdf&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw1oSUPaEjKAeYmInZ68c86V" href="https://cdn.centerforinquiry.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/26/1998/07/22155909/p41.pdf" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">the sin of silence</a>?</span></p><h4 style="color: #333333; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Where it All Led</span></h4><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In 2002 I decided that I could no longer identify myself as a Christian. What am I? I am now an Ex-Christian, an Agnostic, a Humanist, and a Freethinker. In September 2002 I created the website <em>Questioning: An Examination of Christian Belief</em> to discuss my questions and to explain what had happened to me.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I have not chosen an easy path. It is not easy to tell people that I no longer believe that this message is true. But I find the evidence overwhelming. If the weight of the evidence were marginal, I would follow the believing crowd and not raise the issue. I do not like to be different. I prefer to follow the crowd. All of my life I have been a follower. I have always wanted to fit in. But there are just too many problems with the Bible. I simply cannot unlearn what I have learned. Knowing what I know, I cannot be a Christian. So, I choose the road less traveled.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I am not asking you to follow me. You have a mind of your own. You can decide for yourself. But perhaps you could learn from me.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I now have a different perspective in life. I wrote earlier of how I once saw people that hurt me as being evil. If somebody hurts me now, I think they must do it because, from their perspective and current knowledge, it seems best for them to do what they do. Years ago, it was hard to forgive hateful vermin who did hateful things. It is much easier to forgive confused but well-meaning individuals. This change in perspective works wonders. Instead of concentrating on bridling the tongue, one can concentrate on understanding the person who did hurtful things. Rational questioning changes perspectives, and changed perspectives change lives.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I find that I am far happier without the bonds of a preset religion. My mind has been set free. I am free to explore the world without the need to fit everything into a predefined religious bias.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It is fine to question. It is safe to explore. There is always more to learn. I hope that neither you nor I will ever stop questioning.</span></p><div align="center" style="font-size: 12pt; text-align: center;"><hr align="center" size="2" width="100%" /></div><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The above is an edited copy of the story I shared on the web in 2002. Since then, I have enjoyed a life that is truly free. This story had been part of my <em>Questioning: An Examination of Christian Belief</em> website that was on the Internet until 2017. I have now brought that site back online with a major facelift. I have rebranded it as <em><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://mindsetfree.blog/&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw2iKHzJyG86j-5PTL7MINmS" href="https://mindsetfree.blog/" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank" title="The Mind Set Free">The Mind Set Free</a></em>.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Merle Hertzler, June 11, 2022</span></p><h5 style="color: #333333; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">NOTES</span></h5><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1. I have since read that this pastor, Terry Smith, was later convicted of shoplifting condoms. He has been accused of multiple incidents of seduction and harassment. See <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.dmagazine.com/publications/d-magazine/1988/september/gods-man-savior-or-seducer/&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw2AMeNSRtbnBr4wKh9f-ugt" href="https://www.dmagazine.com/publications/d-magazine/1988/september/gods-man-savior-or-seducer/" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">God’s Man: Savior or Seducer?</a></span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2. This church, Longview Baptist Temple, was one of many modeled after First Baptist Church of Hammond, which was led by the late <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Hyles&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw3amhLbJR4DinF3ahRvNwV8" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Hyles" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Dr. Jack Hyles</a>. Hyles and numerous pastors associated with him have been accused of misconduct. See <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/January-2013/Let-Us-Prey-Big-Trouble-at-First-Baptist-Church/&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw0CckcOvZQexn1giCck_Seb" href="https://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/January-2013/Let-Us-Prey-Big-Trouble-at-First-Baptist-Church/" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Let Us Prey: Big Trouble at First Baptist Church</a> and <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://brucegerencser.net/2016/06/scandalous-life-jack-hyles-still-matters/&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw0G_GdbQN09Y4gwVIGHrsuq" href="https://brucegerencser.net/2016/06/scandalous-life-jack-hyles-still-matters/" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">The Scandalous Life of Jack Hyles and Why it Still Matters</a>.</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">3. Lewis, C.S. <em>The Problem of Pain</em> (New York: Macmillan Publishing Co., Inc, 1962) p 57</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">4. <em>Ibid.</em>, p. 58</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">5. <em>Ibid.</em>, p. 85</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">6. <em>Ibid.</em>, p. 90-92</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">7. Luborsky, Lester, Barton Singer, Lise Luborsky, “<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/491399&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw3teNP8C4R2Tdov_T3iki-T" href="https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/491399" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Comparative Studies of Psychotherapies: Is it True that ‘Everyone Has Won and All Must Have Prizes</a>‘?,” <em>Archives of General Psychiatry</em> 32, Aug 1975, p 995</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">8. Wegner, Daniel, Ralph Erber, “<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232471691_The_Hyperaccessibility_of_Suppressed_Thoughts&source=gmail&ust=1655657023024000&usg=AOvVaw0QnGuH1Ud0T-Gs8gjhmpqX" href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232471691_The_Hyperaccessibility_of_Suppressed_Thoughts" rel="external nofollow" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">The Hyperaccessibility of Suppressed Thoughts</a>,” <em>Journal of Personality and Social Psychology </em>63, Dec.1992, pp. 903-912</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">9. Luborsky, et. al., <em>op. cit.,</em> pp. 995-1008</span></p><p style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 1em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Copyright Merle Hertzler 2002, 2004, 2022. All rights reserved.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-9388254255223680702022-05-24T17:33:00.001-04:002022-05-24T17:33:30.346-04:00Am I the problem?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-Tj5g6nLAoxmx9ctdJocolVLyJ9l6oPHiSIRjwY7BlxGbuCqy3aSEcbgPTTG36RxDSEMkFe983N9pJk-GDxeA3MDyI1bESDa40PmFkqr3ZhnbXayNJtBSmG4WZV0M05_1fd0OKJeW9gY2MYu926FsuGzWvSoH8D_iQfd6MDK2PiGJ9e0u-C_KLYJp/s400/Problem.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="319" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-Tj5g6nLAoxmx9ctdJocolVLyJ9l6oPHiSIRjwY7BlxGbuCqy3aSEcbgPTTG36RxDSEMkFe983N9pJk-GDxeA3MDyI1bESDa40PmFkqr3ZhnbXayNJtBSmG4WZV0M05_1fd0OKJeW9gY2MYu926FsuGzWvSoH8D_iQfd6MDK2PiGJ9e0u-C_KLYJp/s16000/Problem.jpg" /></a></div><br /><i>By Mark F</i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span> always used to think that I was the problem.
<br /><br />
Growing up I was always painted as something of an outsider. I was that annoying kid in youth group that always took the opposite opinion. I suppose you could say that I was always trying to be a freethinker, but over time the labels and the constant framing of me simply being combative and argumentative for the sake of it took it's toll.
<br /><br />
Time and pressure and the ever growing need to prove – to overcompensate – led to extreme zealotry and a 5-year entanglement with the ministry of one <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ray_Comfort">Ray Comfort</a> (sorry if we dare not speak his name here). At the time I genuinely wanted to save souls. Again, this part of my life took it's toll emotionally; trying to save the world from damnation will do that to you.
<br /><br />
Fast forward to 2008. I had a hyper-manic episode and was diagnosed Bi-Polar. This rocked my world. The foundations I had built my life on were in a moment shattered. I didn't know if I could hold onto my faith through this storm. A friend of mine gave me a couple of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rob_Bell">Rob Bell </a>books which created enough space for me to feel that there was at least some room for me in the Christian tradition.
<br /><br />
This brings me to the present day, here and now.
<br /><br />
I am slowly waking up to this overwhelming feeling that if I call myself a Christian or I don't, then absolutely nothing changes. Either way I still love my family and friends, I still want to work and contribute to the world in some meaningful way. I still want to be here.
<br /><br />
One Christian trope that I am waking up is the utter bullshit idea that says, "Don't trust your feelings." We all trust and run our lives on our feelings. It's how we navigate the world and in some cases it's how we survive.
Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-62787731078823293102022-05-22T14:44:00.002-04:002022-05-22T14:44:34.772-04:00All Good Things–The Return<i><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitkCYeU7_2WHKcLFYKsUK6J8uiw8t51HxrXRlkRQtAm8kaGYjCLguzfieILuXAMOMEBIaDDtnFZqEwOKe7VIS15sX9uf5uxMNC4fyJVn-sA4urWyxiEcrE3Gi5Zj_FDLRjvvWyVkojsrn_tpJGOjhAulCYTr0gWAXqdc-LOXIojf8r877YtvwOeDkl/s670/godsurgeon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="670" data-original-width="644" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitkCYeU7_2WHKcLFYKsUK6J8uiw8t51HxrXRlkRQtAm8kaGYjCLguzfieILuXAMOMEBIaDDtnFZqEwOKe7VIS15sX9uf5uxMNC4fyJVn-sA4urWyxiEcrE3Gi5Zj_FDLRjvvWyVkojsrn_tpJGOjhAulCYTr0gWAXqdc-LOXIojf8r877YtvwOeDkl/s16000/godsurgeon.jpg" /></a></div><br />By Neal Stone ~ </i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span>t has been years since I've posted here. A huge upset about my atheism caused me to panic (I was in an awful place then) and then I soon faced divorce in 2012, which was completed in 2013. It all fell apart, but I then found myself in Mississippi (of all places) visiting my dad. My dad made me an offer to come down and live in Mississippi with him.
<br /><br />
Mississippi is a very religious state though the coast, where I live, is a lot more relaxed. But that is another story.
<br /><br />
This story is about how I saw some of my Christian friends for who they were vs who I thought they were. I had some friends who came over weekly to hang out. They played D&D RPG style games (praise Jesus) even though they all attended church. I eventually got bored with it and would pop in time to time during their visit but would sit in my office…writing you guys.
<br /><br />
My ex-wife was the queen of playing victim and often wore a hat that said, "SUPER BITCH" and was quite proud of it. Little did I know of secret conversations about me that made me look like the bad guy. Little did I know of what was coming and what was said behind my back.
<br /><br />
Everyone in this group got to feel sorry for her and knew what she had to say, everyone except the one person who needed to know…ME!
<br /><br />
All these guys were professing Christians (Pentecostal) and not once did any of them approach me to hear my side, to restore me, to encourage or build me up. Not once did they even try to help or offer to be there for me.
<br /><br />
One of these friends, Mark, I had known for over a decade before I met my ex. He and my ex immediately bonded (was a good 20 years younger than her) and acted like they were best friends and were too close for it to be just a friendship. At least, that is how it felt.
<br /><br />
When the divorce started, he would call and ask for her, she would disappear for a half hour or so, then come back and hand me the phone. I would say "Hello" and it would be dead air because he hung up. This hurt more than you know because up till then I thought he was my best friend.
<br /><br />
I learned from this experience and from the one mentioned below who my real friends were. Some people are real friends' others, as those above, are there just to use you for their own agenda and to build themselves up. If their agenda means turning their backs on you, then so be it they will. I have since made some wonderful friends that have my back.
<br /><br />
Mark has yet to explain his strange closeness to my ex-wife and since she passed a few years ago he probably feels he is safe. I talked to her before she passed, little does he know that I know what he doesn't know that I know, ya know? I had fun typing that!
<br /><br />
But enough about my rant. I moved away, and it was the best thing I could ever do. After some counseling, I woke up to the fact that there was a lot to discover about myself. Discover I did, and I started taking on various projects and hobbies and am not stopping anytime soon.
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">It was the day of the surgery I noticed something that I wasn't expecting. I had no fear. I had no anxiety. I knew I would be fine because God…er…a skilled surgeon was in there with me.<span class="pullquoteauthor">Neal Stone</span></span>
One of those discoveries is the strength and courage I didn't know I had. This became apparent when I had major open-heart surgery. My procedure required being cut open for the repair to be done.
<br /><br />
Most Christians would've cried out in fear and ask for prayer or ask why or something along those lines. I blogged my experience; I did a GoFundMe to cover the cost of co-pays and cover my bills while I was off work. I made it and got through it.
<br /><br />
But it was the day of the surgery I noticed something that I wasn't expecting. I had no fear. I had no anxiety. I knew I would be fine because God…er…a skilled surgeon was in there with me. He was a great guy and I got to meet him before the surgery. He knew what he needed to do and was well known for his skill as a surgeon.
<br /><br />
I got through it and am back to work full time. I am sure all my Xian friends are praising God, but God isn't the one who did the work. I worked hard to get back on my feet and rested as I needed to handle the healing and recovery. Where was God for the three people who died while I was in the ICU? I could hear one man's widow crying in the next room. Why was I so lucky when someone who believes wasn't? Because that is life. There is nobody up there watching out for, but there was an amazing team in the OR with me that got me through this. In fact, one of my best friends was the nurse who ran the bypass machine.
<br /><br />
So here I am, back from the dead, back from the brink and now moving forward. I am back from the void and breaking the silence once again.
<br /><br />
Neal
Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-25418150729169653702022-05-20T15:09:00.006-04:002022-05-20T15:25:37.968-04:00What I Believe, part II<i><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqt_UdrIgj6YUDalQdmL84hjlSxfcRX5gebxnbbR3QQMUoBDr8wJQDB8470wLzD4ayORNvXoXFgPU4V79ezBEHBg46XmZuAFJFWv3tLuEl-XFnFWDenP0pQHBEOluRRtuBdoK5gQhvPRHdmSXDBzvZC5BXe71C_DdWidnmMscJahFhpvA9kmJJm_iA/s1920/bloodthirsty.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="662" data-original-width="1920" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqt_UdrIgj6YUDalQdmL84hjlSxfcRX5gebxnbbR3QQMUoBDr8wJQDB8470wLzD4ayORNvXoXFgPU4V79ezBEHBg46XmZuAFJFWv3tLuEl-XFnFWDenP0pQHBEOluRRtuBdoK5gQhvPRHdmSXDBzvZC5BXe71C_DdWidnmMscJahFhpvA9kmJJm_iA/w640-h221/bloodthirsty.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />By Jerry ~ </i>
<br /><br />
<i> I just wanted to bring a bit more clarity to my <a href="https://new.exchristian.net/2022/05/what-i-believe.htm" target="_blank">earlier post</a>.</i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">A</span>ll my life I had been searching for God. I remember at seven years old going into a religious book store and asking the owner what the “right religion” is. He advised me to read and come to my own conclusion.
<br /><br />
My mom had been lonely as dad was working a lot, so when the Jehovah’s Witnesses (JWs) knocked on the door she agreed to study their literature with them. In short order she was baptized and began taking me to JW meetings. I was about 11 years old and remember the kids I met there which soon turned into friendships. I continued to be a Witness until about 25.
<br /><br />
Around that time I was experiencing great doubts because the JWs had prophesied that 1975 would see the return of Jesus and he would establish a kingdom on earth. By now it was 1982 and he had failed to show up. A book written by one of the top leaders in the organization blew the lid off the JW scam outlining the many times they had prophesied events and how each time they had been mistaken. They never apologized for the false prediction but instead always blamed the followers for misunderstanding their message.
<br /><br />
I left and went wild for awhile, making up for the post teen years I missed as a witness. It involved drinking, many women and lots of other things I can’t or won’t remember.
<br /><br />
Forward ahead many years (and divorces) later, I met a wonderful woman who is now my wife. When I met her I had a faith in God, mainly acquired from television and the Internet, but I was not an active churchgoer. She, on the other hand, was heavily involved in the Pentecostal church movement. Tongues, healing, raising the dead etc. Now this was all new to me at the time. But I love her and accepted her faith as part of who she is.
<br /><br />
My wife had been seriously injured by an abusive ex-husband who had come home drunk and kicked her repeatedly in the lower back with his steel tipped boots until her spine snapped. This abuse, combined with rheumatoid arthritis and scoliosis, left her in total agony every day and night. She is on the strongest pain killers known to man and medicine. Doctors are unable to operate or give her any relief.
<br /><br />
She would literally scream out in pain for hours night after night. As I went to comfort her and rub her back I looked up at God and asked him what type of Dad would do this to his child? And what type of Dad would allow Satan to attack his child day after day for fourteen years now? I remember cursing God for unheard and unanswered prayers. There were thousands of them. What type of creature was God? He is said to be “love,” but I never witnessed that. All I saw was indifference and apathy.
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">In any decently run universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful-ass a long time ago. <span class="pullquoteauthor">George Carlin, from "You Are All Diseased"</span></span>After observing the violence done in the names of various religions — Islam being the scourge of the planet — and all those killed in disasters caused by a violent Earth that God had supposedly made as a home for his humans, I totally lost any shred of faith I once had. I look back at George Carlin’s statement of how "in any decently run universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful-ass a long time ago." Now multiply this experience by the millions of people whose pleas are apparently ignored by a vengeful, bloodthirsty being.
<br /><br />
Read the Old Testament and see how awful God was to his OWN people. Read about Job. Read about Moses. God destroyed all his creatures to satisfy a deep blood lust. Look at the entire history of the Jewish people! Jesus said love your enemies, but this God shows only anger and hatred.
<br /><br />
I would gladly be damned for all eternity rather than to spend five minutes with such a twisted being. The Bible says that God ways are not man’s ways, and that is correct. God's ways are infinitely more evil.
<br /><br />
That and more is why I am an atheist today. I can’t hate enough to be a good Christian. I can’t hate enough to faithfully follow such a hateful God.
Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-54474728862312166942022-05-10T16:08:00.006-04:002022-05-10T16:22:52.244-04:00Religious Trauma is Trauma<i><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE7XXYOKgah_5azDWysykc-quoYh0QhDC1Jbd8HQnX_EmNHF6UJQSQlH4f4Zf1I7aaZUNYw7RKevFEJ_vPVQZA0kKOyuVL_12OPYAFtSalELHLL-krdO_RbOHMGOHytfugL16IAKZiFnVraCsXTaYeqHVljS3OEPq58N--Z7AwDD9surjTcqqVyZso/s1000/religioustrauma.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1000" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE7XXYOKgah_5azDWysykc-quoYh0QhDC1Jbd8HQnX_EmNHF6UJQSQlH4f4Zf1I7aaZUNYw7RKevFEJ_vPVQZA0kKOyuVL_12OPYAFtSalELHLL-krdO_RbOHMGOHytfugL16IAKZiFnVraCsXTaYeqHVljS3OEPq58N--Z7AwDD9surjTcqqVyZso/s16000/religioustrauma.png" /></a></div><br />By Andrew Pledger ~ </i>
<br /><br />
<b>(*Trigger Warning - Topics of depression, trauma, and suicide)</b>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">H</span>ello, my name is Andrew Pledger, and this is my story of religious trauma. My story is long and complex which is why I’ve been working on a book. This entry will leave out many details, but covers the general overview of my experiences and will help people understand how I got here.
<br /><br />
<a href="https://www.restorationcounselingseattle.com/religious-trauma-transitions" target="_blank">Restoration Counseling</a> says, “Religious trauma (RT) is similar in symptoms to Complex-PTSD."
<br /><br />
Symptoms of RT:
<ul><li>
Negative beliefs about others
</li><li>
Low self-esteem
</li><li>
Struggle with emotional regulation
</li><li>
Depression, anxiety, grief, and anger
</li><li>
Nightmares
</li><li>
Disassociation, flashbacks
</li><li>
Lack of pleasure
</li><li>
Feeling isolated
</li><li>
Feeling empty, lost or directionless
</li><li>
Reduced critical thinking
</li><li>
Feeling out of place or like you don’t belong
</li></ul>
According to <a href="https://www.restorationcounselingseattle.com/religious-trauma-transitions" target="_blank">Restoration Counseling</a>, "Religious Trauma Syndrome is often caused for several reasons for different people. Many people experience RTS as a result of an authoritarian religion or faith community. Individuals suffering from RTS may be struggling with black and white thinking, irrational beliefs, difficulty trusting oneself, low self-esteem, or feeling indebted to a group of people. Skewed views of sex, discipline, emotional regulation, relationships, and self-expression are usually present in toxic religious environments” (Source: <a href="https://www.restorationcounselingseattle.com/religious-trauma-transitions" target="_blank">Restoration Counseling)</a>.
<br /><br />
Let’s start in the very beginning, long before I was born. My parents were both devout fundamentalist Christians. My mom’s parents raised her Methodist until they converted to fundamentalist Christianity. My dad’s mom was a fundamentalist Christian and his father eventually converted.
<br /><br />
My parents met at <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyles%E2%80%93Anderson_College" target="_blank">Hyles Anderson College</a> in the late 80s. This college was known for being a strict fundamentalist school. My dad was studying to be a pastor and my mom was going to be an English teacher. This college was unaccredited which meant she would only be qualified to teach in a Christian school. After graduation, they got married in the early 90s and were excited to have children.
<br /><br />
To their dismay, they struggled to have kids. After six to seven years of being a childless family, they began considering adoption. They had prayed for years to have children and it just wasn’t happening, until it finally did. They interpreted this as an answer to prayer and wanted to dedicate their children to the God of Christianity. Homeschooling was popular among fundamentalist Christians because of the separation from the world and outside influences. It was honestly all about control of their children’s lives. My whole life I was homeschooled and indoctrinated into fundamentalist Christianity. At eight years old, I converted to Christianity after hearing a horrific sermon on the terrors and demons of hell. I had many sleepless nights and nightmares sometimes having doubts about being saved. It was faith with a foundation of fear, shame, guilt, and manipulation. Little did I know the messaging I received in my developing years would affect me for the rest of my life. I was told I had nothing good inside of me, and God saw me as dirty and wicked. I was taught to not trust myself because my heart was deceitful and that the devil could plant thoughts in my mind. Shame and fear were used to bring people to the altar of the church. There were times in my childhood when I was told by my parents that I deserved to burn in hell. I was usually told this when I tried to seek praise for honorable deeds and said I deserved something. I learned to never ask for praise, but that conforming to fundamentalist Christianity was the only way to get love.
<br /><br />
I was raised in <a href="https://www.glbcs.org/" target="_blank">Gospel Light Baptist Church in Walkertown, NC</a>. It was pastored by <a href="https://rickfinley.wordpress.com/2018/02/16/a-giant-fell-a-tribute-to-bro-bobby-roberson/" target="_blank">Bobby Roberson</a> for many decades until he died in 2018. He was called "America's Pastor" and Gospel Light was one of the larger <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Independent_Baptist" target="_blank">Independent Fundamentalist Baptist</a> (IFB) churches in the US. It was known for its large bus ministry that brought in thousands of kids every week. My parents idolized him and acted like he was Jesus Christ himself. As I became older, I realized the cult-like obsession my church had with my pastor. I’ll never forget hearing a church member pray in the pulpit and said, <blockquote>“Dear God, help us to be more like Bro. Bobby.”</blockquote> What?! What about being like Jesus! What a slap in the face to God! Independent Fundamental Baptist churches across the US knew who Bro. Bobby was and how honored his congregation was to be in his presence. People would overreact whenever anyone said his name. He was a celebrity in fundamentalist Christianity. He knew <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_R._Rice_%28pastor%29" target="_blank">John R. Rice</a> and <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Hyles" target="_blank">Jack Hyles</a> who were big figures in the fundie movement.
<br /><br />
The most psychologically damaging was the hateful sermons on the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_community#:~:text=The%20LGBT%20community%20(also%20known,common%20culture%20and%20social%20movements." target="_blank">LGBTQ+ community.</a><br /><br />
Growing up gay in fundamentalist Christianity was tough because I was taught very hateful things about queer people. My church painted an ugly picture by describing and generalizing gay people as all perverts going around raping people and hurting children. When I was finally able to meet other gay people, I realized it wasn’t true. The nicest people I have ever met are gay.
<br /><br />
Even knowing this did not stop internalized homophobia. All the years of brainwashing to despise gay people began to reflect in me. All the years of hearing my family say hateful things about queer people were deep in my mind. I was angry because of the lies the church told me and because of the damage to my self-worth.
<br /><br />
The self-hatred became so unbearable that my mind started to develop a different identity. This was my mind’s way of coping with the trauma.
<br /><br />
As I got older the identity faded away as I learned to love myself. Which was a really challenging thing to do. Loving yourself is so difficult when you feel like the ones closest to you find you unacceptable.
<br /><br />
As a result of all the years of emotional and psychological abuse at the hands of the church, I fell into a deep depression when I was 16. I stopped eating, my body ached, and I mainly stayed in bed. When I tried to eat, I just couldn’t do it. My dad would yell at me angrily to eat as if I was just a piece of shit. The last thing a mentally ill person needs is someone yelling at them to get over it. My parents would not take me to a doctor or a psychiatrist. In two weeks, I lost 20 pounds. I felt like I was dying. I don’t remember how I got out of the depression, but I somehow managed to recover.
<br /><br />
I was extremely hurt that the people who were supposed to take care of me denied me healthcare. All my trust of my parents was forever destroyed, and I became ultra-independent because I felt I could trust no one.
<br /><br />
I slowly moved away from Gospel Light and attended another church regarding youth activities. Before long, I was shunned from that church because of my perceived sexual orientation. I was all alone, and no one knew what I was going through. I had been suffering in silence for years. Eventually, I decided to get away from fundamentalist Christianity by getting a job. I desperately needed social skills and life skills in general because I was so helpless and dependent on my parents. I worked at Chick-Fil-A and thankfully I was able to find love and acceptance there. I worked there to save money for college.
<br /><br />
Flash forward, I was manipulated into attending a Christian university, so I chose <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Jones_University" target="_blank">Bob Jones University</a>, and I was not happy about it. I tried to convince myself that it was fine and that it was only four more years until freedom. I feared the prejudice and bigotry I would experience at BJU. I was bullied and harassed at the school a lot during my first year. I had already experienced two depressive episodes and I was falling into my third. What I did not know at the time was that I was struggling with repressed emotions, sexuality, and trauma.
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">After pouring my heart out to this counselor about how I was mistreated growing up, he said I was paying for my sin. He basically said I deserved what happened to me because I existed. </span>Towards the end of the first year, I nearly committed suicide, but I managed to call the <a href="https://www.thetrevorproject.org/" target="_blank">Trevor Project</a> hotline. I saw no way to escape my personal hell of fundamentalist Christianity. I found the courage to explore outside the fold and find a community. I found an affirming church and met a wonderful family who lived within walking distance of BJU. They gave me a key to their house so I could escape BJU when needed. They were my haven.
<br /><br />
The pandemic started in 2020 and we were all separated. I did not want to go back to an unaccepting home, but there was no option when everything shut down in the US. The summer of 2020 was when I fell into my fourth and worst episode of major depression. There were deep psychological issues I was not dealing with, but I had no education in psychology or mental health. I had to fight to go to the doctor so I could get on antidepressants. That summer I discovered the term religious trauma, and I was relieved to know the issue, but I was overwhelmed and wondered if it was possible to heal. This episode lasted 7 months and I did not dig deeper into my religious trauma because I was afraid of it. I did not know where to start and I was busy with college.
<br /><br />
The religious trauma was going nowhere, and I underestimated the power of trauma. I ended up struggling with suicidal ideation my Junior year and I had no options except for Biblical Counseling.
<br /><br />
After pouring my heart out to this counselor about how I was mistreated growing up, he said I was paying for my sin. He basically said I deserved what happened to me because I existed. Just for existing, I deserved terrible things to happen to me. This was too much to handle with my depression. This was the moment I decided to leave Christianity. To be honest, it was never personal to me because it was forced on me my whole life. It was not going to be easy to de-convert after all the years of brainwashing.
<br /><br />
In my senior year, I began working on my religious trauma by digging into psychology. I decided for my photography internship to create an art photo series about religious trauma. This pushed me to explore my trauma on a deep level to tell my story through photography.
<br /><br />
I reached out to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua_Harris_(author)" target="_blank">Josh Harris</a> to talk about my photo series on his <a href="https://business.instagram.com/a/igtv" target="_blank">IGTV</a> show. He was excited to have me on and I was nervous because I decided for the first time in my life to be authentic. I had processed so much of my trauma in the last few months that I was ready to tell my story. I knew I risked being expelled from BJU for this opportunity, but it was worth it to me.
<br /><br />
Ten days after the release of the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRwx4OoS2aM" target="_blank">video </a>I was expelled from BJU in January of 2022. I now live with the family that took me in my first year. For the last few months, I’ve been working on my personal growth. I’ve been in therapy for two months working through my religious trauma. I’ve been grinding to finish writing the rough draft of my book. I read two books a week to expand my mind and get rid of black and white thought patterns. I’ve become an influencer to bring awareness to religious trauma and I have shared my story with many podcasts. I’m now on a mission of pursuing psychology to become a therapist and eventually a psychologist. I want to research religious trauma and help survivors of religious abuse. This story is far from being over.
<br /><br />
Connect with Andrew @ Linktree: <a href="https://www.liinks.co/4ndrewpledger" target="_blank">https://www.liinks.co/4ndrewpledger</a>
Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-24440926330239519862022-03-23T13:21:00.016-04:002022-03-24T14:29:19.293-04:00The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference<div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPq_1YoB8rwBQdMAJIm6-rlFeHkorKAryrAQymw2nE5HTOKoK-phGj9-lXA2Jegr06hVJTdcpW-sAyFK7KuEu65sr7lzn3GPBsBbsuhpNAph-VHI2lp3uKb0SGplI78HbY1rUjqqYGdoh7DGjEyvy3Evbe2msPcSQNoBgcOzkJ4yybVhC5NKDNQAzW/s1200/oppositeoflove.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="330" data-original-width="1200" height="110" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPq_1YoB8rwBQdMAJIm6-rlFeHkorKAryrAQymw2nE5HTOKoK-phGj9-lXA2Jegr06hVJTdcpW-sAyFK7KuEu65sr7lzn3GPBsBbsuhpNAph-VHI2lp3uKb0SGplI78HbY1rUjqqYGdoh7DGjEyvy3Evbe2msPcSQNoBgcOzkJ4yybVhC5NKDNQAzW/w400-h110/oppositeoflove.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><i>By Sean ~ </i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span> became a born again Christian when I was in the Air Force in 1986. I didn’t have a big, spiritual conversion experience. I was told to pray for God to reveal himself to me and told he would. So I did. I prayed and said, essentially, “I don’t know if you are real but if you can prove to me somehow in the next 30 days, I’ll follow you for the rest of my life. If you are there and real, amen.”
<br /><br />
How I got to that point: About two weeks earlier I was given a copy of a book about Armageddon and Revelations called “<a href="https://amzn.to/36GDfNM" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">There’s a New World Coming</a>” by a guy named <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hal_Lindsey" target="_blank">Hal Lindsey</a>. I devoured that book. It was amazing and Hal was quite convincing. So I went to the bookstore in the town near the Air Force base and bought a Bible. I wanted one that didn’t look like a Bible at all. I found a paperback New American Standard Version Bible that fit the bill.
<br /><br />
From Hal’s book I learned enough to believe that I should read the New Testament first. So I started reading the gospels. When I got to the end of the Gospel of John, I thought, “even if this Jesus depicted isn’t real, he’s a great role model and example to follow and emulate.” So I prayed the prayer above.
<br /><br />
One thing that is either from my personality or just a lucky coincidence of my reading, that really, really sunk in was the importance of truth. This whole thing was suppose to be based on absolute truth. Jesus was not simply true, he was the Truth with a capital T. I guess I’d always been a stickler for truth, so these claims fit well with my personality. I liked what I was reading about Jesus. I decided to giver becoming a follower a shot after reading about 10% of the Bible.
<br /><br />
Had I researched that Bible the way I research everything else, I wouldn’t have stayed a Christian for much more than a few months. But something else happened once I identified myself, at least internally, as a Christian believer. Peer pressure. Or more accurately, peer encouragement. Other believers encouraged me to start attending church. “You need to spend time with other christians.” My first several months becoming a Christian was a solitary experience, for the most part. Beyond Hal Lindsey, no one talked me into reading or believing anything. What I had was mostly pure, if that makes sense. I mostly kept it completely to myself. I didn’t want to make a fool of myself or alienate my friends. I didn’t want to be seen as one of those born-again fanatics. With the encouragement of one of my new christian acquaintances, I joined a Bible study group. I was “growing in my faith,” I guess.
<br /><br />
Some of what they pushed in that study didn’t align with what I felt I clearly understood from my own bible reading, with just god and me. I mentioned it to a friend from the gym who I was pretty sure was a Christian. He took me to his church and then to the pastor’s home for dinner. They said that the other group, their church, was well intentioned, but a little confused. I could start going to their church with my friend if I wanted. I could join their bible study at the pastor’s home with my friend as well. Sounded good. Not pushy. Nice.
<br /><br />
Around that time I started dating a nice girl who it surprised me to learn was a Christian but “hadn’t been active” in a while. She knew a great church for us to go to together. They “had round tables and great music.” Another church, another set of interpretations that differed from the others and from my own studying. I went. This group did communion every week. I was told for the first time about “not taking communion unworthily.” I didn’t take communion. I did go home and look it up in my paperback bible. I didn’t really see the problem with it. I continued to “grow.”
<br /><br />
I ended up just avoiding churches. I liked what I learned and as a person who placed a high value on adhering to truth, it was a challenge for me not be critical when each new group gave me a different interpretation of something I felt I had already resolved. I had a good thing going with god all in my own and they weren’t helping. Also, the original guy who gave me the Hal Lindsay book, he didn’t attend any church. He was “a TV Church kind of guy.” I wasn’t going to become a TV church guy, but I felt just fine building my understanding of god only relying on god and what was supposedly his written word. How could that go wrong? This period lasted about a year and a half.
<br /><br />
When I get out of the Air Force, I made good friends with some Mormon friends of my next girlfriend (who became my wife eventually). They listened and sympathized with my struggles. They said my story “reminded them of Joseph Smith’s story.” And it did should a bit similar as the told me about him. “How about we do a weekly Bible study together?” Sounded okay to me. I was a “searcher” they said.
<br /><br />
At my new civilian job I made a friend who would always sit off a ways and read his Bible at lunch time. Another Christian I thought. He was a good worker, very nice, and had an air of confidence, an air of something special. Eventually we got talking religion (surprise, surprise) and he said, “why don’t you join me for lunch tomorrow and I’ll share what I’m studying.” Sounded okay to me. He was a Jehovah’s Witness.
<br /><br />
Around this time I proposed to my girlfriend. We wanted to be married in the local church that her sister and some of our longtime friends attended. It was called the United Brethren Church. To get married there, you guessed it, we had to attend six weeks of religious classes. Sounded good to me. I’m a Searcher after all.
<br /><br />
Now for a guy who was fully committed to not only the truth but The Truth as well, this situation was becoming a perfect storm. There was my truth, this truth, that truth and the other truth. And one truth about conflicting truths is that they can’t all be true. “Alternate truths” aren’t something new.
<br /><br />
Well, I was definitely getting married in the UB Church, so I went with the UB version of truth. It matched what I had gleaned on my own the best, by a long shot. The pastor didn’t put any pressure on me to join up. He just helped me study my bible. That built trust. I didn’t get this same feeling from the Mormons or the Jehovah’s Witness. They were focused on convincing me that their interpretation was the only right one. Their organizations the only right organizations. I guess I was lucky I encountered both groups simultaneously. Their claims basically cancelled each other out. I needed to start learning about cults. More “growth.”
<br /><br />
This process set me on a path as an amateur Christian apologist for many years. I became a minor expert on cults and a major expert on Mormonism. Hundreds of dollars were spent ordering books and documents on Mormonism. Thousands of hours of study put in. I joined a ministry focused on “saving Mormons.” When I moved to Arizona, I started passing out tracts in front of the Mormon Temple and debating Mormon apologists and missionaries. I had the truth and I was gonna spread it.
<br /><br />
What I didn’t realize was I was so focused on disproving those cults that it caused me to fully swallow many of the same types of false beliefs about Christianity itself. I never turned the magnifying glass back on my own beliefs. They say an anti-counterfeit agent studies the original (money, paintings, whatever) so thoroughly that when they come across a fake, even the most minuscule deviation jumps out at them. I was like an anti-counterfeit agent who only studied the fakes. I could explain 29 different ways why their beliefs were based on falsehoods, without having a clue how much of my own beliefs were just as much based on falsehoods. This error would carry me along In Christianity’s current for another 20 years. I knew what I knew.
<br /><br />
The turning point came when our church of over 10 years got a new pastor. The new guy, who grew up in that church, had a different view of works and grace than the last guy. Our bible study group didn’t agree with him. After being together for over 5 years, every week at least once, the three founding couples decided to leave the church for another church. They disbanded the study and invited my wife and I to go to the new church. We didn’t have a problem with the new pastor. In fact we liked him a lot. We said we would stay, but we would love to continue or bible study group as always.
<br /><br />
They basically cancelled us from their lives. Just like that, the people that we sat with every Sunday, went out to lunch or dinner with several times per month, studied the Bible every Wednesday night with for years, prayed with and for, they were gone. Looking back, I think they saw us not as friends but as objects to serve god through. They did what they did for us and with us FOR GOD. We were interchangeable, unimportant really. It was very, very hurtful. Not just to us, but to the other several couples that were also “let go.” Over the years since we have learned that of the eight primary couples in that bible study/small group three were divorced within a few years of the abandonment. One person died and the surviving spouse just moved away. One couple went through what in my opinion looked like the nervous breakdown of the wife. Another joined a religious group so “out there” it’s still hard to believe.
<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">The opposite of love isn’t hate. It is indifference.</span> After being a very devout, sold-out to my core, born-again believer for over 30 years, praying every day, multiple times a day, attending church every Sunday, full tithing, being very involved in weekly Bible studies and “doing life together” with dozens, hundreds of Christians I came to realize that whatever the Christian god was doing, he wasn’t involved in what I, or any of us, we’re doing. He was indifferent. And his followers could be just as indifferent. It was a very saddening realization.
<br /><br />
As a truth seeker and a Truth seeker, I quickly concluded that the god of Christianity could not be indifferent. Something can’t be all loving and indifferent at the same time. Based on the description of him the book he inspired and supposedly protects, indifference towards us, any of us, isn’t possible. But indifference is the rule.
<br /><br />
When this realization crystallized I started paying more, different, attention to all the prayers offered up constantly by believers. Nothing ever happened. God could answer or not answer. The answer, or non-answer, could come in any form or no form at all. I realized that if God is all knowing and knows the future, has predetermined the future, as my very first experiences as an investigator revealed, then any answered prayer is at best a coincidence. My prayers were no more use than the prayers of any other person on earth to any other imagined god. That’s the evidence. it’s the truth about The Truth.
<br /><br />
There’s a lot more to this story, but the next big turning point, the one that caused me to exit Christianity entirely, was finding the book, “<a href="https://amzn.to/3NioFg0" target="_blank">Drunk With Blood</a>.” Actually, it was LISTENING to the audiobook version of it. I recommend this book to everyone questioning christianity. I recommend to any christians that are interested in learning more about what’s in the Old Testament. I listen to it regularly as a reminder in case I start to get sucked back in with persuasive “god loves you” talk.
<br /><br />
<a href="https://amzn.to/3NioFg0" target="_blank">Drunk With Blood</a> made it very apparent to me that I had been deceiving myself thinking that I was intimately familiar with the whole Bible. In truth I had never read much of the Old Testament. I had possession of everything I ever needed to avoid falling for this load of b.s. from that very first day that I bought that paperback New American Standard Bible. The same as just about every other Christian on earth.
<br /><br />
Listening to <a href="https://amzn.to/3NioFg0" target="_blank">Drunk With Blood</a> finally snapped me out of my stupor when it came to religion. Not only did I find the actions of the god of the Old Testament repulsive, hearing it so thoroughly laid out, story after story after story, destroyed all credibility I had placed in the New Testament. It destroyed the credibility of the Jesus depicted in the New Testament. Jesus is depicted as a wonderful guy, but when he claims his authority as The Truth and The God based on the Old Testament, I don’t know that guy. There’s no way that the Jesus depicted in American Churches today would ever, ever associate himself with the god of the Jews depicted in the Old Testament. They can’t both be true. And if one is false then they’re both false because they’re inexorably linked as one via the Trinity.
<br /><br />
I have been out for a few months now. I can’t accept something so obviously untrue. I’m struggling a bit with the implication that with no god then this life is just over when we die. We just end. Forever. To paraphrase what Stan Lee once said to Larry King, “When we die I think it’s just nothing. But I can’t wrap my head around nothingness lasting forever. Forever!” That is pretty hard to wrap one’s head around.
<br /><br />
This doesn’t make me fear death. It makes me appreciate life more than ever before. Don’t wait, looking forward to a reunion with loved ones in heaven. If they’re alive, have that reunion now. Don’t put off asking for forgiveness from someone you wronged thinking that it’s okay because god has forgiven you already. Go say you’re sorry. Don’t dismiss someone else who asks you for forgiveness. Understanding that it may be the only forgiveness that will ever come to that person, give it. Don’t wait for god to sort it all out in heaven. Sort it now.
<br /><br />
With only now, only this life, I appreciate so much more of what I have now. I want to show my appreciation for those I love and those I like more now than ever before. I also am finally totally clear that when I do something kind or good it’s just purely for that other person, animal, whatever, period. It’s not “for god.” It’s for them. Not for me. And even if it was for me, that’s not a sin. I’m allowed to do something kind or nice for me. No guilt. Everything doesn’t have to be “all or his glory.” If there were a god, It’s indifference proves that it doesn’t care about his glory, or anything else on earth for that matter. The indifference drowns out every sermon every preached about god’s love. The real “good news” is we don’t have a god that is totally indifferent to us, one that worse than hates us. That god is a fable. No god is better than one that just doesn’t care at all. I accept this intellectually. But I admit that I am still struggling with the ingrained thought processes. I am learning what it was like for those who I talked out of Mormonism. It’s not easy.
<br /><br />
I am not going to claim that I'm a good person or deserving of any special anything. But I can absolutely claim that now that I have jettisoned the false religious beliefs (I’m trying to). I'm definitely a more authentic person, more authentic friend, more authentic dad, husband, brother. It’s sad to me that giving up a belief in “the loving god of the Bible” and his reward or punishment system I able to be more truly loving. Giving us the “freedom” of christianity is far more freeing than that so-called freedom. Just not looking at everyone who doesn’t believe what I believe as destined for hell is a huge burden lifted. Even knowing, KNOWING, so positively what I thought I knew, I still had that little inkling fear that when I died I might not have gotten it “right enough” and might end up in hell after all, was a burden that christianity was suppose to alleviate. It didn’t. It was the cause of it. I could go on and on about what I believed about hell. What a fool I’d been. I’m ashamed of myself for believing all that b.s.
<br /><br />
Now I just see how precious we all are and how we all get a very brief time to BE and then that’s it. Forever. No one is going to burn in hell for eternity for believing in the wrong god. There’s no one burning in hell right now. You’re not going, I’m not going. Same as with heaven. The closest thing to heaven we're all going to experience is the same as a nice restful night’s sleep. “Forever. Forever!”
<br /><br />
I’m mostly okay with that. What choice is there? I’ve got about twenty summers left. Twenty holiday seasons. A handful of fun trips, if I’m lucky. If I get to spend 2 hours a week with each of my kids, I have about 86 days left with them. I’ll probably have just one more dog before I’m gone. Two if I’m really lucky. If I were still engulfed in Christian beliefs I would just waste so much time away banking on heaven. Now? I’m going to try not to waste all the time I have left. I know I’ll waste some. Of course I will. But I’m going to try to make sure that those I love KNOW I love them. I’m going to try to instill in everyone I can that we need to live NOW. Don’t put off the good that you would do. Don’t waste time. This life is not just a blip in our lives compared to the coming eternity in heaven. This blip IS our eternity. It’s all we’re getting. Life is SO MUCH more valuable when seen this way. Christianity claims to value life more than all else. It devalues life. It devalues now. Living for tomorrow is a waste of today. Christianity is the ultimate waste of today. How hard it was for me to see that for so many years. I’m sorry for that.
<br /><br />
I apologize if I’ve rambled all over the place. That’s just a reflection of where my mind is at this period in my life. My mind rambles all over now when I start to think about the finality of it all. Accepting that the absolute certainties I had as a Christian were false isn’t a simple do it once and it’s done experience. I have been struggling to replace those false certanties with a different set of certainties. And accepting a lot of uncertainties. In the end, it’s about freedom I guess. I don’t care for Ayn rand but this seems true: “Freedom: To ask nothing. To expect nothing. To depend on nothing.”
<br /><br />
If you read all this I hope it was useful. Thank-you.</div>Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-4805275201877062942021-04-12T10:40:00.001-04:002021-04-12T10:51:00.864-04:00Freedom and Peace<i>By Blackfreethought ~ </i>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJCZoz9MxqYn17p11bbsXYANmMeZz1rIiODDPAssMDDbB7Tp1BWwfDQ1fT9aS8OMz8d_bhEwzFu_RP4YP6ZrABN7XjGWJpynjnLLwLUUKSfKmyflfr9NbGbhAEBSAVbv7qEMbeUtYY3ew/s0/Imagine%25281%2529.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="1280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJCZoz9MxqYn17p11bbsXYANmMeZz1rIiODDPAssMDDbB7Tp1BWwfDQ1fT9aS8OMz8d_bhEwzFu_RP4YP6ZrABN7XjGWJpynjnLLwLUUKSfKmyflfr9NbGbhAEBSAVbv7qEMbeUtYY3ew/s0/Imagine%25281%2529.jpg"/></a></div><br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span>t is such a relief to know my actions do not have eternal consequences. My mistakes will not condemn me to damnation and my good deeds will not propel me into heavenly bliss. I live each day recognizing the frailty of my humanity and that strengthens me to do the best I can to improve conditions in the world while I possess the mental capacity and vision.
<br /><br />
My life is much sweeter because I understand that I am responsible for its outcome, although many things lie beyond my control. The gods do not wrestle over the fate of my soul, since neither my soul or the gods exist. My existence is not a battleground for good versus evil, where my mind is the prize.
<br /><br />
I no longer attempt to justify life rules that do not fit my intrinsic values. I do not have to explain why I follow a religious system, largely responsible for the ills facing my community. I can freely embrace the historical facts and pursue other interests.<br /><br />
<span class="pullquote">My life is much sweeter because I understand that I am responsible for its outcome, although many things lie beyond my control. </span>
This is the only life I have and I am getting older. I do not need the words of Scripture to encourage me during a difficult time, I would rather have the companionship and connection with loved ones. I may get ill and fall victim to a cruel disease, but I will continue to do my best while I am able. I will not require prayers or prophecies for encouragement if I am in that spot. I hope to live a long and fruitful life. I get comfort when recognize that a god or church will not use me as a test case for or against faithfulness to a Christian belief system.
<br /><br />
I do not have the time nor the energy to invest my time believing in a faith tradition promising freedom, but constructed on lies and oppression. Justice and equity will not come from above, they must come from the activities of people who desire to see people living their best lives. The systems of religion only get in the way of human progress, although I acknowledge that good people also contribute, in spite of their religious persuasion.
<br /><br />
The realization of these and other ideas allow me to rest easier and find a zone of peace because I am free from religious dogma and beliefs. I am a humanist and atheist.
Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-45068523921685551452021-02-08T12:59:00.002-05:002021-02-08T13:00:35.357-05:00I Was Free Born -- My Story<i>By Rational Logic ~ </i><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSc0fVwIim0Z8mp3GXhAp_igMWCcTfe_XRdpq_LEvHVE5GPJjZ272wFbwijBNH-JcOTHRuvBQnRCKAGcMo-Ui_rATz2nRExUBNyOcVXnUrlX9g67PE4E1vCzkzgmgr9miYYRjRHNcR1u4/s817/rational.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="325" data-original-width="817" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSc0fVwIim0Z8mp3GXhAp_igMWCcTfe_XRdpq_LEvHVE5GPJjZ272wFbwijBNH-JcOTHRuvBQnRCKAGcMo-Ui_rATz2nRExUBNyOcVXnUrlX9g67PE4E1vCzkzgmgr9miYYRjRHNcR1u4/s16000/rational.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><h3 style="box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-top: 0.375em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Religious History</span></span></h3><p data-adtags-visited="true" style="box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.7; margin-bottom: 1.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="dropcap">I</span> was a Christian from birth for 32 1/2 years of my life. When I was born my parents were in a non denominational church which followed the teachings of a Pentecostal (Ex Baptist) divine healing preacher. Several years after I was born my parents left the church over doctrinal disagreements and started house meetings. This continued for some years with the group being a lose affiliation. After sometime my father felt the leading of the spirit to become the pastor of this small group and thus founded the church that would influence my entire adult life up to this point. Over the years the church dynamic has changed, but has maintained its basic identity as what is best described as a non denominational Christian church heavily influenced by the doctrine of the afore mentioned Pentecostal preacher.</span></span></p><h3 style="box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-top: 0.375em; text-align: left; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">First Doubts</span></span></h3><p data-adtags-visited="true" style="box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.7; margin-bottom: 1.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">While I would have never considered myself a very religious Christian e.g. I have never religiously read the bible or prayed every-single-day-without-a-beat. I did, however, whole heartedly believe in what the church taught. As I grew older and was exposed to the odd outside bits of information I became aware of worldviews and scientific facts that didn’t correspond to my ‘biblical reality’. However, for the most part I put these doubts aside. After moving into town and taking up university level study I was exposed to even more outside information.</span></span></p><p data-adtags-visited="true" style="box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.7; margin-bottom: 1.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The first real cracks, however, were from inside the church, from the pastor in fact. For whatever reason we moved on from previously held beliefs about the divine healing preacher and the ‘truth’ of what he said were questioned and overturned. An important note, the church still held he was a man of God, just not quite the Prophet we were for many years led to believe. This started a questioning in my mind of, well if we, or God, or the pastor was wrong about him for all those years what else are we wrong about? This moving away occurred when I was about 21. I would once again put aside doubts and trust in God up until around October 2015 when I was 32.</span></span></p><h3 style="box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-top: 0.375em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">The Questioning</span></span></h3><p data-adtags-visited="true" style="box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.7; margin-bottom: 1.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In October 2015 the entire family would go on a cruise ship for a holiday. There was one particular day that was very rough, we were not allowed out on the upper decks so I went to the library. There I found and read a book by Z. Sitchin who proposed that ancient writings of the Sumerians about the Annunaki were telling actual events of an alien species that created humans long ago. Further research proved that Sitchin’s assertions were largely incorrect, but it did let me know that there were ancient writings out there – writings that contained stories similar to the ones in the Bible. I got very interested in the Nephalim, the Annunaki, the planet Nibiru etc. and how they related to the Bible. If you have no idea what I’m talking about at this point, don’t worry you are not missing out on much. This all lead me to a lot of researching and watching documentaries surrounding the subject. These didn’t impact on my belief in God, because for the most part it was mumbo jumbo nonsense. What did happen however, as does with the internet these days, is I ended up watching some scientific documentaries about archaeology in regards to ancient Israel. As a believer I fully expected any archaeological documentary about Israel to confirm Biblical history, which I believed was the most accurate history of the earth as well as God’s word to his chosen few. What I found really rocked me. As I now know, there is very little archaeological evidence to support anything in the Bible.</span></span></p><h3 style="box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-top: 0.375em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">The Debates Stage</span></span></h3><p data-adtags-visited="true" style="box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.7; margin-bottom: 1.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A few months after the cruise I started watching formal religious debates on youtube. The first debate I watched was an Intelligence Squared debate titled Is Islam a Religion of Peace with Ayaan Hirsi Ali debating against the motion. What was important about this debate was it opened up knowledge of another major religion and the method of critical thinking the debaters against the motion used. What applied here, if one was honest, should also apply to Christianity. This brought me to Christian vs Atheist debates. Frank Turek vs Christopher Hitchens debating Does God Exist would be the first of many, and introduced me to the powerhouse that was Christopher Hitchens. I would go on to watch many many debates, and over time noticed that when pushed for answers the Christians would fall back many a time to a logical fallacy. Special pleading, God of the gaps, begging the question, false dichotomies etc were employed time and again by Christians. </span></span></p><h3 style="box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-top: 0.375em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Digging Deeper</span></span></h3><p data-adtags-visited="true" style="box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.7; margin-bottom: 1.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">During this time I began to probe deeper looking for answers. The account in Genesis had been thrown into doubt so I looked at scientific explanations. I would discover that there was no scientific evidence for Noah’s flood, or any archaeological or historical evidence for 2 million Hebrew slaves leaving Egypt. Furthermore calculations showing what would be necessary for some events recorded in the Bible to be real were staggeringly improbable. I came across questions I had never thought to ask. How much water would be required to cover the entire earth to the height of Mount Everest? How much water per day would be necessary for 2 million Hebrews in the desert? The answers to these cast even more doubt on the inerrancy of scripture. I also started studying ancient mythologies, discovering many similarities between both the stories told, and the development of the various religions around the world. At the later stage of my de-conversion process I would look into the history of the New Testament and Jesus. This would at the very least throw serious doubt as to whether what was recorded in the Bible actually happened.</span></span></p><h3 style="box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-top: 0.375em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">The Realisation (That I didn’t believe) and De-Conversion</span></span></h3><p data-adtags-visited="true" style="box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.7; margin-bottom: 1.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">At some point in May/June of 2016 while at work thinking about the information I came across I had a gut wrenching realisation that I no longer believed what was written in the Bible. My first thoughts were that in my search I had lost my faith and that the fault was mine. I became terrified that God would judge me for being an unbeliever and would punish me. At this point I was having something of a crisis of faith, I hadn’t unequivocally lost my belief in God. I kept searching for answers, something that would provide information that would get my belief back. But the more I dug, the more I realised that there was no basis even for the New Testament. Very few Christian apologetics made any significant points that countered the growing evidence against the Bible. Peter Hitchens made a few great points during an Oxford debate that were not Bible based, but his own conviction, which up to that point I felt was one of the best arguments for Christianity. However Peter failed to make a strong case for God. Around September/October 2016, while still not having a solid opinion on all that I had learned, I accepted that I didn’t believe the Bible, or God, the Devil, Angels, Demons, Heaven, or Hell. Not the Christian version, the Islamic version, the Hindi version or the Greek version. I concluded that they are all religions made up in the minds of humans, propagated via religious leaders to the masses who taught their children that their religion was the truth, the one true and only truth.</span></span></p><h3 style="box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 0.75em; margin-top: 0.375em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Post De-Conversion</span></span></h3><p data-adtags-visited="true" style="box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.7; margin-bottom: 1.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This will naturally be an on going tale, but for this section, this is the immediate after affect, telling the family, and hopefully a few enlightenment’s for those who find themselves in a similar position. Telling the family of my non belief and leaving the church was I think the hardest most painful thing I have ever done, and may ever have to do. What possibly didn’t help was the fact I just told my parents over dinner. There was no hints or warnings or suspicion that I might be having doubts. Perhaps they were blind to it, because in my mind I thought I had laid in hints over the months that I was having doubts. Apparently this wasn’t enough and it was like a frag grenade going off. Some family members were quite hysterical, claiming they were having chest pains because of me as if their reaction was my fault. As I would later learn, this is a common defense mechanism to a challenge to dearly held beliefs. It was a rough few months, but as often happens time heals, or at least allows an acceptable existence. My family and I have largely come to the agreement that we don’t discuss religious matters. They don’t try and reconvert me, and I don’t tell them why their beliefs are wrong. During this time I joined certain forums and support groups which helped immeasurably. For a person who had no decent contacts outside of the church group it was a lonely time and the online communities helped ease the pain. As of writing I am still involved with various groups and seek to help others. Like me, they having lost their faith and started their journey out of religion need support. I hope this story helps someone else on their journey out of religion as they realize they were not born a Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim, but that they were free born.</span></span></p><p data-adtags-visited="true" style="box-sizing: inherit; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.7; margin-bottom: 1.5em; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="background-color: #f5f8f8;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Website: <a href="https://iwasfreeborn.wordpress.com/">https://iwasfreeborn.wordpress.com/</a></i></span></span></p></div><div></div>Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-17685090021899840792020-10-13T15:33:00.001-04:002020-10-13T15:33:39.103-04:00I was an Apostolic Pentecostal...<i>By OnlyAGhost ~ </i>
<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCpkH_g0pP6-o6CGsRgP78HDtnGp-Z3Zsr2wYKwsLIwV3k5VzdMo0Yr82ixttTI6WLXcxXZ__AbFSeuaBQyAVY6Wmw_L-y79Aixv4pm-11wBihkP1eY3MScnJqbZNUh-pU1UykbigtKHA/s469/pentecost20.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="291" data-original-width="469" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCpkH_g0pP6-o6CGsRgP78HDtnGp-Z3Zsr2wYKwsLIwV3k5VzdMo0Yr82ixttTI6WLXcxXZ__AbFSeuaBQyAVY6Wmw_L-y79Aixv4pm-11wBihkP1eY3MScnJqbZNUh-pU1UykbigtKHA/s320/pentecost20.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span> was an Apostolic Pentecostal who left Christianity after 30 years. I was born and raised in it.
<br /><br />
Now being a bit of a nerd and antisocial I had a hard enough time making friends and acquaintances, but, growing up, the amount of people in my life were limited. I was mostly homeschooled and spent high school in a small Pentecostal private school.
<br /><br />
My limited social network (and the possibility of some personality disorders) had caused me to live a fairly lonely life. It made relationships difficult to find, and even more to keep. I was definitely an oddball amongst them, and I never actually dated until I was about 24. By then I was able to live my own life, but I was still indoctrinated. However, loneliness drove me to look outside my denomination. My first girlfriend was Baptist.
<br /><br />
At around 30, I went to prison. I don't want to talk about what I did. I am quite ashamed. I spent 5 years locked up while almost every one of my Christian friends abandoned me. I was already having doubts about my faith before prison: no answered prayers, my limited social upbringing, the hatred of others that christians show, and noticing the inconsistencies of Christianity. Prison gave me time to study the "holy bible" with a Strong's concordance + Greek and Hebrew dictionary.
<br /><br />
I first tore apart my own denomination, then moving on to christianity itself. I realized how brutal this god is and how christians have no free will. I gave up on studying, then pursued facts.
<br /><br />
I started off calling myself Agnostic. I felt that there still might be a higher power, just not any that we know of. Slowly, with the help of Atheists on YouTube, I changed my stance to Atheist and Humanist.
<br /><br />
I've been looking for communities that share my ideals, so that life won't be quite as lonely anymore.
Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-34108215845283476552020-10-13T15:22:00.002-04:002020-10-13T15:22:23.324-04:00Interview with (former Christian) Susan, pt. 1 <i>By <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrPKXNg9PAL6bROvsaUFvAA" target="_blank">Harmonic Atheist</a> ~ </i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">T</span>oday I spoke with Susan, a friend whom I have known for over 30 years. We met in kindergarten, and remained good friends for many years as we attended Christian school together, where part of our indoctrination occurred. We were also heavily involved in Bible quizzing, when we memorized hundreds of verses.
<br /><br />
We discussed Susan's deconversion from Christianity, including the ways that the Christian worldview--especially the fundamentalist Christian one--hurts and emotionally scars people who grow up in it. We talked about the cracks that appear early in life, which are painful to work through, but which ultimately help people to think more rationally, to realize that Christianity is mythology and that the Christian god is not actually real, and to truly begin to live their lives for the first time.
<br /><br />
We have lots more to share! Stay tuned for part 2, coming shortly.
<br /><br />
Thanks to Susan for her vulnerability, realness, wisdom, sensitivity, and love for life.
<br /><br />
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/PSyPMSyzpGM" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-53456702432371978992020-10-09T12:15:00.004-04:002020-10-11T15:39:13.101-04:00How Scary Was It to Leave Christianity?<i>By FlyingOverTr0ut ~ </i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span> was raised under the backwards teachings of Christianity which, when I took them seriously, left me confused, alone, sick, and disabled. I talk about how painful it was to leave, how necessary that choice was, and how it had many consequences for me.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yfYmEl_0YOU" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-24179825532634123382020-10-09T11:49:00.005-04:002020-10-11T15:38:30.476-04:00WHY I LEFT CHRISTIANITY and RELIGION for GOOD <i>By Kelita Sahliah ~ </i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span>n this video I get to the point of why I left religion. I was part of the seventh day adventist church, and I have gladly left. I shar with you my experience of leaving christianity, I am now free from religion, christianity, and the bible, for good! I am so glad I am no longer a christian and I am free from it all!
<br /><br />
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/AdEQeXsNN5Y" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1266985040290242663.post-89482233218047286162020-10-09T11:42:00.002-04:002020-10-11T15:41:20.442-04:00Leaving Evangelical Christianity - An Intro<i>By Dee the Humanist ~ </i>
<br /><br />
<span class="dropcap">I</span>'m an ex-Christian and this is a brief overview of how I started asking questions that led to my deconversion from Christianity 4 years ago.
<br /><br />
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WsF985_lCPk" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>Dave Van Allenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288914445803411893noreply@blogger.com0