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Crack

By Kay ~


"Because they can't love like we can." I replied.

I was shocked to my core at my own answer. If I was her, I would have slapped me across the face.

The question she had asked me was, 'Why do you think homosexuality is wrong?'. The answer I had given wasn't my own. Clearly it wasn't my answer, because as soon as I shared that ignorant, hateful answer I felt just as upset as she looked.

That was the beginning of the end of my faith. I still remember that crack in my shell which revealed a horrid truth that I wasn't actually thinking through questions, but parroting what I was taught to say. And I, ironically, had too much personal integrity to dismiss these answers as my own and pretend I had come to their conclusions.

That small interaction where I had become a bigot for my faith actually came against my nature and caused us both to recoil at what I had said. And another voice, one that Christianity couldn't shut up said, "When did it become okay to deem another human being as subhuman?"

I was never comfortable with my faith in Christianity again. It would take almost 10 years for me de-program all the automatic feelings, words and opinions, and muster up the courage to leave.

My one regret is in that hurtful interaction is I will never get to apologize to her. She would look back at the insult and probably feel frustration and anger without knowing it actually ripped apart lies that hurt us both.


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