10/11/2013 | Share this article: View CommentsBy paige ~
I've spent hours upon hours pouring over countless stories on this website and I would just like to thank everyone for contributing and helping me along this process, guiding me through it and letting me know that I m not alone. This website has been a vital intsrument in allowing me to finally 'see.'
To begin, I've never been really strong in my faith despite being raised in Christianity. We'd go to Sunday School and learn about how much Jesus loves us, and well, you know the rest. But it never really stuck with me. I'd always resolved to get closer with God, but never quite got around to it.
I'd never really been comfortable with openly sharing my faith with anyone or inviting them to church. In fact, God wasn't on my mind more times than not, so the thought usually didn't occur to me. I simply went through life, with the basic knowledge that Jesus was our Lord and Savior, he'd died on the cross for our sins and through him we would receive everlasting life. Sucks for everyone else. I really just absorbed everything they told me. I viewed Athiests as relatively negative and quite ignorant if I may say. How could I not? I have now come to realize that many are quite the opposite of what the church tries to get us to believe.
I was told to just ask God for his plan, though for some reason I found it difficult to do so, even though I was told that it was the best one for me. I just wasn't ready to drop everything and follow. I got to the point where I realized that I wanted all the good parts of Christianity but none of the bad; no pain, no suffering, no hardships to 'shape' me. But that wasn't how it worked, was it? And with my discovery of the Law of Attraction, I was told that I didn't have to. Things just didn't work for me the way I wanted them to.
I guess the real reason I started to move away from Christianity was my introduction to the Law of Attraction. Ironically, by my very religious tennis coach, might I add. I highly recommend that anyone reading this should check it out immediately if they have not already. The Law states that we are spiritual and vibrational beings that create our own realities through our thoughts and beliefs. It basically says that you can have, do, or be anything you want.
So I tried it out, and it totally works. This kind of faith certainly produces real physical results and the way it is explained makes pretty good sense. But this is really the basis for my leaving Christianity.
I started to wonder things like, "It says that you'll receive whatever you ask for in prayer, which the Law states as well as the Bible, but why does God not grant some prayers? We can have anything we want and we'll get it, but what if it's not in God's will? If everything comes from him, then... I don't get it." And it was all just very confusing for me. I had finally found something that had been proven to work and made sense, but there were some very contrasting principles between the two.
And so I just kind of let it go. Went on and did my Law of Attraction and went to church and was just generally happy, though still mildly confused. I eventually got to the point where I couldn't practice the LoA because I knew that doing so was sinning, and if I didn't completely rely on God for guidance, I'd probably go to hell. I knew that there were some gray areas but I didn't even think to really look into them. Until recently.
Maybe about 3 months ago or so, my dad had found some LoA teachers and had really taken a liking to them, so he shared them with me and it was refreshing to have the teachings in a different form. It had gotten to the point where things were finally starting to happen in his life on account of applying the teachings. He had a revelation, which he so kindly shared with me one day in OfficeMax.
It sort of went something like, "I'm not really a Christian anymore."
Those weren't the exact words, but as you might guess, it totally freaked me out. The thought that Christianity was anything but what I'd been told had not even occurred to me. The idea that I could choose to believe in something else had never once crossed my mind. That it was not the one true religion. That it was in fact, A RELIGION. Don't even think I quite understood that. When my dad told me that, I was worried that he was going to hell.
The next day at school, I felt completely lost. I didn't know what to believe. Everything that I had been told since I was a child had been fake? What was real? What was I to believe?
I decided to do some studying of my own. I researched about people de-converting from Christianity and found this wonderful site. The gears started turning and I couldn't believe that I'd been so blinded before. It was exciting! I didn't have to be a Christian! All of my doubts had begun to come to the surface guilt-free and things began to make a little more sense.
A thought that had been pushed aside along the way, was that if God knew everything that was going to happen and everything that you were going to do and that you'd end up going to hell in the end, then what's the point in creating you? The point was that there was no point. I was also never comfortable with the idea of persecuting homosexuals, as it was not their fault that they were born that way. Why would God create people that way if they were going to be condemned to hellfire because of it?
Believing that God's plan for some included suffering and death did not sit well with me. How could God do that to someone? He just created them as a lesson to someone else? He created them for the purpose of death? I experienced countless revelations and logical conclusions to many of my questions and doubts.
Too many things just didn't make sense, and it became clearer and clearer that Christianity was a fluke as I searched more and more. But the thing that has kept me from completely breaking free is the threat of eternal damnation looming over me. How could I leave if leaving meant burning in hell forever? What kind of a sick choice is that? I've gone back and forth over and over again. Because what if it really is the "one true religion" and I really will go to hell?
There are still things that I don't understand, like the evidence for the Resurrection or so-called demon possession. I don't know how to explain people's testimonies for coming to Christ. Because good things do happen, and lives are saved. But I've decided to let that stuff go.
Christianity still has many good principles and morals, so those I'd like to keep. I also enjoy the company of other Christians and am not ready for the rejection of all who I've come to know through Christianity, because that would be simply too much for me. I'll still go to church and youth groups, but my view of Christianity is now tainted and I'll never see it the same way. I will probably declare myself a deist to any I meet after I get off of Maui (luckily there aren't many people here), but for the time being, my de-conversion stays a secret.
Although it's kind of scary to know that there isn't anyone up there protecting me, the relief that comes with knowing that I won't be eternally condemned to the bloody torture of my soul far overpowers that thought. I don't know everything and haven't worked everything out and I know I never can nor will. But this revelation has been enough. I'm perfectly happy with my life and all that I've been blessed with (not by God, apparently). I still believe in some kind of God or higher power, just not the Christian one.
I'm only 16 now, and will turn 17 in about a week. I was a bit upset that I'd wasted so much time blinded, but now I realize that I'm one of the lucky ones. I'm so glad that I came to this conclusion so early on in my life and am excited for all that I will be able to accomplish and experience in the future.
My dad's pretty much on the same page as me, and he's 43. So I'm pretty well off.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope that you're happy in life and find whatever beliefs work best for you.
Check out the Law of Attraction!
Thanks again for reading.
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