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My Story

By Just Me ~

Where do I start?

I came here because I'm looking for others who I can relate to. I'm not surprised to find so many who have decided that Christianity just does not make sense. God gave us brains to use and it took me too long to start using mine.

I grew up in a strict Baptist church. My mom took me and my sister. I don't remember my dad ever going. I got "saved" in my home during a vacation bible school because I didn't want to go to hell.

So many decisions I made growing up were because of what I was taught while growing up in my church. It's really sad to think of what so many kids are being brain-washed to believe. I now tell my own kids what I believe, but that they will have to find what they believe on their own. It's up to them what they choose to believe.

I am, in a way, thankful that I married into a family that was so extreme. My ex-husband was abusive, not happy, insecure. My experiences put me on a road to question how cruel and insensitive some "Christians" could be. The way that pastors dealt with what I was going through, what I was advised to do concerning my marriage. The whole time believing I was doing "what God wanted me to do". There was no love involved in any of this.

I wish I could get back some of that time that I wasted on the church...I pity those who are taught the same as I, yet had an easy life that never forced them to question their God, their religion, their church. Faith should be able to stand up to any scrutiny, or questions, or it's not worth standing by.

I am now with someone who taught me so much more, other ways of believing, the history of religion. I was blind in the church, but now "I see", the truth. I do finally feel free. I also have so much resentment for what I have endured. So much lost time. What a waste.

I wish I could get back some of that time that I wasted on the church, so that I could just "live". I am finally happy and somewhat angry at myself for being so gullible.

It is a daily process of working through what has happened to me, how to live the rest of my life, what I believe now.

Thank you for letting me vent my feeling and I am grateful to have found others who understand.
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