Guys, do you think your wife is slipping out the back door for some extra-marital action?
No need to hire a private eye. God has just the solution!
It’s found in Numbers chapter 5, verses 11 through 27:
Step 1: Bring your wife to the priest with an offering of barley meal.
Step 2: Have the priest make a potion by mixing holy water with dirt he swept off the floor.
Step 3: Put the barley in your wife's hands and uncover her head.
Step 4: Have the priest tell your wife that if she's been unfaithful, “This water that causes the curse shall go into thy bowels, to make thy belly to swell, and thy thigh to rot.”
Step 5: Make your wife say, “Amen. Amen.”
Step 6: Have the priest write the curse in a book, then blot it out with the potion of gray, dirty holy water.
Step 7: Have the priest take the barley out of your wife's hands and wave it before the Lord.
Step 8: Make her drink the disgusting dirt and holy water sludge.
Step 9: Now watch to see what happens next. If her belly swells and her thighs rot, she has been sleeping around. You can take her to the city square and stone her to death.
If nothing happens, she's been faithful! Take her out to dinner and then go home to resume your marital bliss.
She'll obviously be enamored with you for your confidence in her moral integrity!