In my darkest hour, God didn't show up. In my deepest despair, Jesus remain silent. In my greatest pain. I was alone and confused. Jesus, my personal saviour was nowhere to be seen or heard. The year was 2007, the finale to my situation. Church has no answers; pastors have no answers to my questions. Prayers and fasting all seem to go down a deep well -- a black hole. Not even an echo from a personal saviour that supposedly love me so much that died for me on the cross.
Anyway, strangely enough, the more I cried out and cried out, I was led out of Christianity.
It started with exploration of Christian Science then Christian meditation then the grace message and many more. Long story short, I finally realized in 2012 that this is it: The year of my personal freedom. The personal year 5. And I am so happy. I feel more liberated and alive than I ever was in 30 yrs of Christianity. A religion that is supposed to liberate, but makes captive of its believer. A religion that says the saviour loves you so much that he died for me...well I don't need him to die for me....I just needed him in my darkest hour....
Anyway, it's all too late...,and I never looked back. Dechristianized and unchurched is the best decision, but at the same time I am so sad that it took me so long to leave.
So sad, so sad, so many lost years. I have not that many years left, so I am going to make do the best I can with what I have.
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