7/14/2011 | Share this article: View CommentsBy Exminister ~
I'm sure my story is not that much different than most people on this site. I never thought I would be on a site like this. I was not raised in a strict Christian family. My for the most part church was not mandatory.
I was sort of the problem child growing up always into something never willing to let something rest. I was always asking questions. I remember my brothers and I catching a bus to go to church Sunday mornings. I can only remember to things from this time as I was only about 6-7 yrs of age. I remember being in a room with other little kids and being told how without Jesus we would all burn in hell.
One Sunday two of the bus drivers got into a fight with tire irons. One of my older bros told my mom and we never went back. I was about 12 when I had my next encounter with religion. I met who told me basically that Jesus loved me and could save me from hell -- all that I had heard before. I guess I figured finally maybe I am a bad person and if Jesus can save me..., why not?
I started reading the bible on my own. one day before school I was in class trying to read my bible when my football coach asked me about it. I told him I could not really understand it (I was reading the KJV). The next day he gave me a brand new Living bible. Over the next years he and his family would become a big influence in my life. Al I wanted was to serve god and raise a Christian family.
I took my bible as the Word of God. I remember how mad I would get when people would say bad things about god or the way I thought god wanted us to live. As the years passed I continued to read my bible listen to tapes and go to church. The real problem started in my mid-twenty's. I noticed for someone that really was bent on serving god he did not seem to interested in me. I started to notice that most churches are divided by race and a host of other things. We went to church and nothing happened -- even the older people in the church seemed to just be going through the motions of having church.
Finally, as I got into my 30's, I started asking questions and no longer would just accept a "This is true." It was about this time I started reading the Old Testament with a more critical mind. I stated asking all the questions that have been stated here and will not repeat what we all know except I think the two that no one seems to answer because they can't. God could not come up with a plan that did not require so much murder on His part as if everyone else is to blame: Adam and Eve the Devil and us. Doesn't accountability start at the top? There is not one of us that would subject someone we love through what "so-called" god does.
I noticed that the only prayers that get answered are those we bring to pass or someone helps us. I remember giving a so called friend at church money for car repairs. They had brought it up at a prayer meeting. I remember going home and thinking I have some extra money I can help them. They said god was using me to answer that prayer. I tried top convince myself of that for years. As time I went on I kept noticing that it always took something other then god to answer prayer. The more I prayed the more I fasted the worse I felt. Finally I had to step back and look. I noticed that we looked no different then the prophets of Baal on Sunday, calling out and dancing and no response. Where is the god of the bible? Finally it dawned on me he does not exist. The god of the bible is a crazy untrustworthy monster or he does not exist. If I were all-knowing and love-everlasting I'm sure I could have done better then the mess he sat in motion. Even if Adam, Eve and the Devil were real people, HE sat this plan in motion. He put his own children in harm's way.
If you being evil know how to give good gifts to your children how much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to you?
I think the hard part is finding a place to belong. I don't belong at church anymore. I'm convinced now only two types of people belove the bible anymore: those who go to church and never read it, and those that go to church for the social factor.
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