3/10/2011 | Share this article: View CommentsBy Nikki ~
I'd love for my life to turn around a little so that I could post something more hopeful to this site. (Like an ode to science, for example.) But sadly, this hasn't happened yet.
I posted a while back, saying that my mother had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, I'd recently come out as a lesbian, and my life generally sucked. (My girlfriend also dumped me a week before Christmas. And I'd just bought her a ring. Wish I could hate her for it, but I don't.)
So I went to the Vancouver area to be with my family and my mother during this difficult time. She's gone downhill extremely quickly. All chemotherapy has failed, and she's now in hospice care. I've been named executer of one of my sister's money (she's mentally handicapped) in place of my mother, which is a big responsibility. My youngest sister and I have made plans to move into an apartment together to be nearer to my mom until she passes.
All this is background. About three weeks ago, my mom told me she'd decided not to read my published works (I'm a writer) because of the lesbian content. Now, she's never been big into my writing because I do fantasy, and she doesn't like fantasy. But it hurt a lot more this time because this is it. She's dying, and there's never going to be another chance for me to hear her approve of the art I most love. I should have expected this by now, really, but it still really stung.
And then, on the heels of this, my youngest sister told me that if I get a girlfriend, she won't allow said girlfriend into our apartment. Like, ever. Not even to eat a sandwich or watch a movie. She cites God's disapproval as the reason for this.
Part of me wants to meet my sister head-on and challenge her ugly prejudice and hypocrisy. But it's pretty much impossible for me to pull out of our rental agreement now - I've already given notice on my current place and made moving arrangements. So then I wonder, should I just bite my tongue? I'm only in it for the short term anyway, until I can find my own place. And it isn't likely I'll meet anyone new while I'm with Little Sis, anyway - it's a Bible Belt town, not too many lesbian atheist ladies around.
But sooner or later my sis will have to deal with it. Dad's very supportive of me, as are all my aunts and cousins. Little Sis will be eating Christmas dinner across the table from my chosen lady at some point.
Ugh, this sucks. God, just wait until Little Sis finds out I'm an atheist now, too...talk about crap hitting the fan.
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