Hello everyone whose eyes meet this page. I was raised semi-religious. My mother wasn't always religious. Then when I was about 8 she got the religious bug and at first every Sunday and Wednesday, we'd go to church. She became more and more involved in the church. That meant more and more time spent at church. Then it became if I wasn't at home or at school I was at church. We were at church EVERY EFFING DAY!! I hated it a lot to say the least. But I wasn't given a choice. I didn't like church, I didn't get along with most of the kids and stayed to myself most of the time. It made church a very boring, lonely place. I brought this to my mother's attention and she said "My house, My rules," and that was the end that conversation.
Image via WikipediaSo I started to ask questions. "Why did god ask Abraham to kill Isaac?" or "Why doesnt god feed all the homeless people in the world" but like many other Christian denominations questions are the "debil". I stopped asking questions and was told "I wasn't meant to understand" or "God ways are not the ways of man."
My mom had my baby sister Liz. At age of 2 months Liz died of SIDS. The church paid for the funeral. But, my mother lost her faith and became addicted to pills and booze. This church had a big bus ministry and I still attended to get away from the woos of home life.
I stopped attending when I ad invited a friend of mine from my neighborhood with a similar home life to church with me. He was black and a boy. The pastors wife thought he was my boyfriend pulled me aside and told me "God forbids race mixing". When I asked her where in the bible that was. She said all snotty "Well I am a pastors wife. Its in there. Trust me." then walked away. That was the last time I stepped foot in that church. It made no sense to me that "god" created all people of all colors but they can't date.
But there was a secret I had that no one knew about not even my mom. I was attracted to girls. And a girl being with another girl was a big NO NO. I struggled with my same sex attraction for yrs before I ever acted on it. I prayed every night for god to "heal me of my sickness" it went something like this "God please make me normal like the other kids". It was a mind fuck to say the least. I still hung onto my faith even though I had many unanswered questions and doubt clung deep in the back of my mind.
I struggled with my sexuality as a result of my religious programming. I didn't become attracted to boys until high school and had already had a relationship with a girl by that time. It was normal to me. But I still asked god to "straighten me out." By the time I was in my junior year of high school I came to grips that I was Bi, but still clung to my faith. I stopped asking "god" to change me. If he wanted to he would and me asking him over and over wouldn't help any.
When I was 22 I got married. Been married for 7 yrs. I love my spouse with everything I am. He accepts mo 100%. We have 2 kids. He denounced his faith a month or so before I finally let go of mine. I married an open minded free thinking man and couldn't be happier with our heathen lives. Before we let go of the ghost. We researched a lot of religions. He was drawn to Taoism mainly. None of the religions or sects of religion made much sense to either one of us once we logically examined them. Asked member of this religion our questions. Question usually lead to more questions. The quest was exhausting.
So instead of examining other avenues of belief. We began looking at other ideas on the topic of religion. I am very happy to say he is agnostic and I am an atheist. We live moral lives. Raise our children with those morals and all without a god.
We have been happy heathens for over a year now and things couldn't be better. We have a great family. We love each other. We use logic instead of faith. It works better that way.
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